Your Job Won’t Protect You. Your Boundaries Will.

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Welcome to Loud and Lifted Quick Lift, the condensed,

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action -ready version of a full episode. Same

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truth, less time, straight to what you can use.

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I sat down with Carrie, the founder of Hey Work

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Friend. She spent over a decade inside corporate

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HR, in the rooms where decisions get made, including

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about you. Now she's on the other side of the

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table and she is not sugarcoating anything. Everything

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in this episode comes back to one thing, boundaries.

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Not the inspirational poster version and not

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a personality trait you either have or you don't.

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The real, uncomfortable thing. I've sat across

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the table from employees who were stretched too

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thin, silently drowning, and doing everything

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except asking for what they need. And I've also

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been that person, saying yes when I should have

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said no. Absorbing more than was mine to carry

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and convincing myself that being a team player

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meant being available for everything, always.

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No boundaries, no limits, just more. Here are

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the four truths from our conversation. Truth

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one, boundaries feel impossible because your

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nervous system is working against you. Before

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we talk about what to do, we need to talk about

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why it's so hard. Because if you've ever known

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exactly what you should say and you still said

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yes anyway, this is why. Carrie named something

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I have never actually heard of. It's called the

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fawn response. We all know fight or flight, but

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there's a fourth nervous system reaction and

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it's the one that runs on a loop for a lot of

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high achieving women. When we perceive a threat,

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a difficult boss, a culture of overwork, the

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fear of being seen as difficult or demanding,

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our nervous system's instinct is to please, to

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accommodate, to agree, to say yes, even when

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every part of us is saying no. Sound familiar?

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She also called out something else that keeps

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us high achievers stuck. The belief that constant

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busyness equals value. That rest is laziness.

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That burnout is a personal failure. So we push

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through. We ignore the signals. We tell ourselves

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we will set a boundary the next time. But here's

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the correction that Carrie made, and I want you

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to hear it. The World Health Organization has

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officially classified burnout as an occupational

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phenomenon. not a personal weakness, a workplace

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condition. It's not you, it's the environment.

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And knowing that matters because you cannot hold

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a boundary if you believe the problem is you.

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The fawn response isn't a character flaw, it's

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biology, and you can learn to work with it. But

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first, you've got to stop blaming yourself for

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it. Action item, the next time you catch yourself

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saying yes out of anxiety instead of choice,

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name it. That's the fawn response. You're not

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weak. Your nervous system is doing exactly what

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it was designed to do. Now you get to decide

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whether to actually follow it. Truth two. A boundary

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isn't a feeling. It's a script. And here's what

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it sounds like. Most of us either say yes to

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everything or fumble the no. We over explain.

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We apologize. We came at the first line of pushback.

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And then we wonder why nothing changes. Carey's

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research -backed framework is three steps. And

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this is what a boundary actually actually sounds

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like in practice. Step one is have a positive

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reaction, not agreement, just warmth. That sounds

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like a great project, or I'd absolutely love

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to help with that. You're signaling that you're

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a team player before you set the limit. You're

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not lying. You're just managing the tone. Step

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two, the decline, short and factual. Right now,

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I'm really heads down on X. No drama, no lengthy

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justification, just one sentence. Also, did you

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notice there's no apology? Step three, the alternative.

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This is what separates a boundary from a wall.

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I can take this on tomorrow or next week, or

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would you rather I prioritize what I'm working

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on on this new thing? You're giving them a path

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forward and you're managing up the process. This

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formula works with your boss. It works with your

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coworkers. If you're a high performer on your

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team, people will find you. They will make you

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their backup plan. A warm no, I'd love to help,

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but I don't have the capacity right now, but

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here's where I'd start. It redirects them without

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creating conflict. And when you blow this, because

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we know we will, it happens, Carrie is clear

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on this. Don't just give up. Try it again the

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next time. Go back to the person and reset. I

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recognize I wasn't clear yesterday. Here's what

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I'm able to do. The boundary doesn't disappear

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just because you fumbled it once, but you do

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have to hold it again. One more thing that I

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want to land here is the more selectively you

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say no, the more you signal that you know how

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to prioritize. Bosses notice, I promise, a person

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who protects their focus and delivers is more

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valuable than the person who takes on everything

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and produces mediocre work across all of it.

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Saying yes to everything is not a boundary. It's

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an invitation to being taken advantage of. Your

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action item, think of one situation this week

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where you're likely to get an ask and you don't

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want to say yes to. Write out your three -step

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response before it happens. It's positive, it's

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the decline, and an alternative. And then have

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it ready before you need to. And remember, less

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is more and you don't have to apologize. Truth

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three, going to HR is a boundary act. But you

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have to do it right. This is where Carrie's insider

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experience really becomes essential because she

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said something most HR professionals will not

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say out loud. HR is not your friend, even the

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good ones. And I don't mean this personally.

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I love so many HR people. She was one of them,

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but they're paid by the company. Their loyalty

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by design has to be to the organization. They're

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there to protect the organization. This isn't

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a moral failure. This is just the structure.

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When you walk into HR, you walk in knowing that.

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But here's a little nuance that doesn't mean

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you shouldn't go. It means you have to go in

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strategically with your boundary protected. Her

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advice, document everything before you go. Don't

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walk in with how something made you feel. Walk

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in with what happened, when it happened, and

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what the impact was on the worked. Non -emotional

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evidence. Facts and patterns. HR can engage with

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documentation. They cannot do much with, my boss

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makes me feel undermined. She also said something

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that's hard to hear. Toxic managers often don't

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change. Even if HR has a conversation with them,

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even if they get that feedback in peer reviews,

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the behavior frequently continues. And now they're

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looking around the room trying to figure out

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who talked. Which means you also have to be honest

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about what outcome you're hoping for. Sometimes

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going to HR is the right move. Sometimes the

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right move is deciding whether you can get on

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a different team within the organization or whether

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you need to start an exit strategy. She said

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both of those things plainly. A toxic manager

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is probably not going to change and staying inside

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a broken dynamic waiting for that to happen is

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not a boundary. It's a slow erosion. Action item,

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if you're dealing with a toxic boss right now,

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start a documentation log today. date, what happened,

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who was present, what was said, keep it factual,

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and keep it current. If you decide to go to HR,

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that log is your credibility. Truth four, the

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boundary between you and your job is the only

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thing standing between your ambition and your

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health. This is a truth that landed hardest,

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and I want you to feel the full weight of this

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one. Carrie worked seven days a week out of fear.

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She had a toxic boss and a workload with no ceiling.

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She did everything. Went to her boss, went to

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HR, advocated for herself, and none of it changed.

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The work kept coming. She worked herself into

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an autoimmune disorder. She was in pain in the

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middle of the night, film rolling at 2 a .m.,

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too afraid to take time off to see a doctor.

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When the pain became unbearable, she took medical

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leave, and while she was on medical leave, she

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got laid off. She gave everything she had to

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protect that job. And she lost it anyway. This

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is not a one person story. $187 billion is spent

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in the US every year on medical treatments related

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to burnout. Working more than 55 hours a week

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significantly increases your risk of heart attack

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and stroke. She knows someone had a heart attack

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at 39, healthy, active, working too much. She

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hears from people constantly in her DMs, shingles,

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stress, autoimmune conditions, anxiety, depression,

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all of it tied back to chronic workplace overload.

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Your body keeps score. The company does not.

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This is the mindset shift that we all need. View

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your job as a transaction. They are not loyal

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to you. You should not be loyal to them over

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the point of your health. That doesn't mean you

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don't do good work. You absolutely do good work.

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You show up with integrity, but then you go home.

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Because you can give everything you have and

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still get laid off. The only things you take

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with you when that happens are your health, your

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reputation, and your relationships. Don't sacrifice

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the first one for a paycheck that was never guaranteed.

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This is what the boundary is ultimately protecting.

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Not your schedule, not your evenings, although

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important, but not as important as your body.

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Your capacity to stay in the game long enough

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to actually win it. Your action item, identify

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one thing you are currently doing out of fear

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rather than choice. Staying late, answering emails

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at 10 p .m., absorbing someone else's work, name

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it out loud, then decide, is this a boundary

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I'm choosing to set or what I'm choosing to give

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away? Because there's always a price. Carrie

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ended our conversation with a line that I'm going

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to improve on. You can't just throw aside the

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symptoms when they start showing up from burnout.

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You have to start listening to your body and

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do something about it. Four truths, one through

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line. Boundaries are not about being difficult.

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They are not a personality type. Some people

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have them and some people don't. They are a skill.

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It's researched, practiced, imperfect, and absolutely

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learnable. And they are not optional. Not if

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you want to stay healthy. Not if you want to

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stay in the game. And not if you want the career

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you actually came here for. Your job will not

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protect you. Your boundaries will. Go listen

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to the full episode of Carrie's complete with

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scripts, including exactly what to say when your

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boss texts you after hours and how to reset a

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boundary you've already blown. Until next time,

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stay loud and stay lifted.