How Lifting Helped Rebuild Confidence After Trauma

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Welcome to Allowed and Lifted. Today's conversation

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is one of those episodes where the name of the

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podcast feels almost too perfect. My guest is

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Rachel Drunkenmire and she's known for helping

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people get unmuted to stop holding back, use

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their voice and show up more fully in their lives,

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work and leadership. But today, we're taking

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a different path into that conversation. Six

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years ago, Rachel was hit by a Chevy Silverado

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while out on for a run and suffered a spinal

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fracture. And while she was physically recovering,

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she was also navigating something much deeper,

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fear, pain, isolation, and the loss of trust

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in her body. What I loved about this conversation

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is that Rachel doesn't package resilience as

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this neat, shiny thing. Her rebuilding was slow.

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It was emotional. It took support. consistency,

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and eventually it took lifting. For Rachel, working

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out became more than movement. It became a way

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to rebuild confidence, repair the mind -body

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connection, and prove to herself that she was

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strong, capable, and powerful. So let's get into

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it. Welcome to Loud and Lifted. Rachel, thank

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you so much for being here. Thanks for having

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me. This Loud and Lifted, I feel like we're going

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to give people a new perspective on those two

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words by the time we're done today. I know. I

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mean, this couldn't be a better match to talk

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about getting loud and lifted. And of course,

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the irony is you're known for getting people

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unmuted, which is such a great word. But today,

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we're going to take a little bit of a different

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angle in the past for this conversation because

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it's going to be personal. It's about you and

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how you really had a life -changing experience

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six years ago that changed how you approach life

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and I'm sure how you continue to get unmuted.

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So why don't we start there? Why don't you take

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us back to six years ago and end your story?

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So it's May 3rd of 2020 and everyone can remember

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some version of what their life was like in that

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mode, right? We're washing our groceries from

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the outside of the bags and Lysoling avocados

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and I'm working remotely and I'm trying to remember

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the last time I wore pants with buttons. That

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moment. My husband was teaching elementary school

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phys ed from our basement on Zoom. And I was

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about eight or nine months after having left

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my corporate job and 85 % of my business, which

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was at the time only speaking in person at events

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had been totally decimated. And I was having

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to reinvent myself. So that's like the context

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of what was happening. And so naturally my husband

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and I needed some stress relief. And so we thought,

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let's go for a run. We're about a half mile from

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our house and we're heading up a hill. We're

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in conversation with each other talking. And

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as we approached the intersection, there was

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a white Chevy Silverado pickup truck stopped

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in the right turn lane. And the light was red

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and the cross signal was white. And my husband

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goes across and I'm a few steps behind him. And

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then as I'm getting ready to cross in front of

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the truck, I'm in the center of it and I sense

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in my periphery that it's starting to move. And

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if anyone is a runner or you've been out in a

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situation like that, you usually turn around,

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you kind of get the driver's attention, they

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stop. They realize what they're doing. So I turned

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my body to face the truck and I put my hands

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on the hood. And like Superman, I'm going to

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stop the truck. And I'm five foot four inches,

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highly unlikely. And he doesn't see me. And so

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I come up off the ground, probably two to three

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feet. And I am glued to the grill of this truck.

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And he drives into the intersection with me,

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hanging off his car. I don't have a conscious

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memory of that, but that's the only thing that

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could have happened because I wasn't dragged.

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So I had to be lifted. Speaking of loud and lifted

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in a way that no one wants to be. That was not

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intentional, but here we are. And he realizes

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eventually in the center of the intersection

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that there's a person on his truck. And so he

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slams on the brakes, and I flew off. And I landed

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really hard on my feet, and I stumbled backwards.

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The momentum, I was at the crest of a hill, and

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so I stumbled backwards. And as I hit the ground,

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I've It happened in slow motion. The first thing

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I remember was being sideways, falling to the

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ground in slow motion. That's the first memory

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I have after starting to cross the street. And

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I felt like I got the wind knocked out of me.

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I couldn't breathe. And I look up, and I lift

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my head, and I look up, and I see my husband

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standing frozen on the other side of the intersection.

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He saw the whole thing happen. And he runs over.

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I start screaming. And he runs over to me and

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takes me to the sidewalk. Strangers in masks

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appear. Someone holds my hand. The ambulance

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shows up, they put me in a neck brace and in

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a board, take me into the ambulance. My husband

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can't come with me because of COVID protocols.

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So I go to the hospital by myself and I'm being

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transferred like a piece of meat. It's so weird

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when you get there and they're in this trauma

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room and there's all these blinking lights and

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beeping noises and people coming in and out.

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And it's very chaotic. And they do all these

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tests. And after a couple of hours, the radiologist

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comes in and says, so there's a spinal fracture.

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And I just. I just started sobbing. And I think

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it was the first time he'd seen a person cry

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based on his reaction. And he said, do you want

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me to call your husband? And walked out of the

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room and left me alone. Oh my gosh. And I don't

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think I've ever felt so alone in my life as I

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did in that moment. And it's like terrified.

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Like terrified. I was 35 years old, obviously

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active. And now I have a spinal fracture. And

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I just didn't know. what was going to follow.

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But the weeks and months and years that followed

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that were the hardest of my life. And yet I believe

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that I would not be where I am now doing what

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I'm doing now the way that I'm doing it with

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the perspective I have if that hadn't happened.

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Oh my gosh. It's so wild and it's so crazy that

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I just can as you talk about this moment of being

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alone and then knowing like not knowing what

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your future is right like how does that impact

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walking just everyday life and what were their

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sort of like expectations of you in the beginning

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what were they saying like oh we can get you

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to do this like what was sort of the goal as

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you were recovering well i mean the initial goal

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was when you had what's called a compression

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fracture so it's essentially like imagine your

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of one of your vertebrae is like a tin can it

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got scrunched oh Yeah, really nice visual. But

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that's what happened, which was actually a gift

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because I didn't need back surgery. So if it

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had been a compound fracture or something had

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happened to the discs, it could have been worse.

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So kind of objectively speaking, I had what the

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neurosurgery PA said is the best kind of fracture.

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I didn't know there was a best kind, but I'm

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glad to have it. Really, it was just a matter

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of gradually increasing mobility. With an injury

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like that, the goal is Like, let's get you to

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a place of sort of baseline mobility and managing

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the pain. For most people, that's the expectation

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of recovering from a spinal fracture. And for

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the first year or so, at least two and a half,

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three and a half years after the accident, that's

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really all I focused on doing. But when you go

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through something like that, you are so scared

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to move your body because you're afraid you're

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going to hurt it again. And so what it did is

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that in the wake of that, I mean, I had muscle

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spasms that would wake me up at three o 'clock

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in the morning and then I'd have to go on Zoom

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and give a presentation to hundreds of people

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about building hope and resilience in the midst

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of uncertainty and a back brace. Because I had

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no choice. I was a primary earner. I had to figure

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out how to make all this work. I did not take

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a day off. I just kept going. I was presenting

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48 hours after getting hit by a truck. It was,

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it was a really difficult season, but that was

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essentially the prognosis is like, let's get

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you back to baseline and let's manage the pain.

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So when you're going through this, what are people

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not seeing from the outside, right? Like you're

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putting on your smile, you're getting on zoom,

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like what was, what was actually happening and

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you know, how are you getting through that? Well,

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the hardest part is if everyone, if you think

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about how isolated you were during the pandemic.

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Okay. So now you're isolated and you are immobile.

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Like, the one thing most people had during the

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pandemic was their mobility. Right. And that

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was something that was taken away from me. And

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that was one of the hardest parts, is because

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people didn't get to see the day -to -day. Visiting

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people was, you know, potentially dangerous.

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So people would drop off meals. Some people would

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stop by, drop off a gift. You know, everyone's

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in masks coming by. I mean, it was just a very

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odd time. And I think that made it even harder

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because my husband and I were now super isolated

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too. So he has to do everything. He's taking

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me to doctor's appointments at least twice a

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week. I was in physical therapy for almost a

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year. I couldn't drive for four months, no bending,

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lifting, or twisting. And so nobody saw any of

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that or me getting up at three o 'clock in the

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morning with a muscle spasm, me sleeping. I slept

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in an electric recliner in my living room for

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three months. I couldn't even sleep with my husband.

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And so he felt isolated too. I mean, there was

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all that that was happening, having to manage

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the fact that I was resurrecting a business that

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had barely gotten off the ground and had to show

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up with energy I did not have at a time when

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everybody else metaphorically felt like they

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got hit by a truck. And I had to be strong when

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I did not feel strong for other people. But I

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do believe it helped me be stronger for myself

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because I got to practice the very thing I was

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teaching. as I was going through my own experience

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of having to build resilience inside of myself.

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And the irony is that's what you're saying. They're

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talking to people. So I can't imagine what's

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going through your head when you're talking about

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resilience and getting through. And of course,

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the world is in the craziest place that it's

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ever been. And you're still just trying to show

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up. So when did you hit this point that something

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needed to change? And you thought, obviously,

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you're being resilient. You're showing up every

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day, which is half the battle. What changed in

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you that you're like, I need to double down and

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I need to do something different? Well, I mean,

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part of it was a shift of kind of energetically

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first is that I realized I needed an outlet in

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the wake of the accident to do something, to

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express something in me because I couldn't express

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myself with movement. I wasn't free in my movement.

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So I had to find some other way to feel free.

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And for me, singing was always a way that I did

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that growing up. And so I started taking virtual

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voice lessons. And then after a couple of years

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of doing that, work with a producer, do a thing

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I didn't know that I could do and write and record

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and release my first song. And that came out

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January 23. So I started to, I think, build some

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internal momentum. An internal shift started

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to happen when I started making music. I released

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three songs that year. And about summer of 2023,

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so three and a half, just over three years after

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the accident, I had this sense that I was feeling

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frustrated with how stuck I felt in my body.

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I felt weak. I felt scared. I didn't feel sure

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of myself. And the thing I've learned is that

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when you don't feel confident in one area of

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your life, when you feel weak and kind of powerless

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in one area of your life, it can kind of ripple

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out into other areas. And I didn't want to feel

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that way. So I'm on Instagram one day, and I

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see a post of a friend of mine with her personal

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trainer. And I reach out to this person, get

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connected to the trainer. I tell her my situation.

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I say, I haven't lifted weights in years. I'm

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scared to move anything. because I'm going to

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hurt myself again. I don't have confidence in

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my body right now. It wasn't even like I had

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gained some weight. It wasn't even like a weight

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loss thing. It was just like, I'm tired of feeling

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weak. And so I got together with her for our

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first session. And I mean, I'm doing tricep kickbacks

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with five pounds, maybe three at first. And my

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arm is shaking. I'm doing deadlifts with 10 pound

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weights in each hand. And I'm like nervous about

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coming up. I mean, there were moments where I

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cried in the sessions that I had because I was

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just, it was such a big ask of my body to be

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able to do these things, you know? And so it

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was really scary, but her motto, her name's Alison

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Siegel, my trainer, and her motto is, yes, you

00:12:07.320 --> 00:12:10.179
can. Yes, you can. And so I'd have a moment and

00:12:10.179 --> 00:12:13.340
be like, I don't know. And she, I felt like she

00:12:13.340 --> 00:12:16.539
served as this container for me where I trusted

00:12:16.539 --> 00:12:19.419
her. And so sometimes I talk about borrowing

00:12:19.419 --> 00:12:21.940
other people's belief in us. And I felt like

00:12:21.940 --> 00:12:25.320
because I trusted her and her skill set and her

00:12:25.320 --> 00:12:27.340
training and her knowledge of how to support

00:12:27.340 --> 00:12:30.840
me, I started to kind of borrow her belief in

00:12:30.840 --> 00:12:32.600
me. And she said, yes, I know you think you can't

00:12:32.600 --> 00:12:34.500
do this. I'm not going to ask you to do something

00:12:34.500 --> 00:12:37.000
that's going to be unsafe. And I know that you

00:12:37.000 --> 00:12:40.700
can do this. And over time, I saw her twice a

00:12:40.700 --> 00:12:42.419
week. And then I started getting into a routine.

00:12:42.559 --> 00:12:44.440
We switched over a bedroom in our house, converted

00:12:44.440 --> 00:12:47.509
into a home gym, bought weights. Like I knew

00:12:47.509 --> 00:12:49.429
I had to change my life if I was going to commit

00:12:49.429 --> 00:12:50.830
to doing this. And that was the beginning of

00:12:50.830 --> 00:12:53.490
how it started to shift. So in the beginning,

00:12:53.830 --> 00:12:56.309
did you ever have that self doubt creep back

00:12:56.309 --> 00:12:59.409
in and you had this like very real reason to

00:12:59.409 --> 00:13:01.789
be scared or say, I can't do this or I shouldn't

00:13:01.789 --> 00:13:04.690
push myself. So did that happen, especially in

00:13:04.690 --> 00:13:07.070
the early days of like, Oh, maybe I shouldn't

00:13:07.070 --> 00:13:09.070
do this. Maybe this is too much. And how'd you

00:13:09.070 --> 00:13:11.049
get through that? Yeah. I mean, a lot of it was

00:13:11.049 --> 00:13:13.190
I shouldn't push myself, but if I didn't have

00:13:13.190 --> 00:13:16.149
her, I wouldn't be where I am. So again, having

00:13:16.149 --> 00:13:20.669
her as, I find that as we kind of borrow that

00:13:20.669 --> 00:13:22.289
belief from others, there's a strength that builds

00:13:22.289 --> 00:13:23.809
inside of ourselves. And I think to myself, if

00:13:23.809 --> 00:13:25.669
she thinks I can do this, if she's saying it's

00:13:25.669 --> 00:13:28.129
safe for me to do this, it's safe for me to do

00:13:28.129 --> 00:13:30.029
this. So that was kind of the beginning of the

00:13:30.029 --> 00:13:33.409
mental shift of sometimes we need to listen to

00:13:33.409 --> 00:13:35.669
somebody else who has expertise that we don't

00:13:35.669 --> 00:13:37.730
and has a perspective that we don't and has experience

00:13:37.730 --> 00:13:39.269
that we don't because she's helped other people

00:13:39.269 --> 00:13:41.360
through injuries. she often works with people

00:13:41.360 --> 00:13:43.879
postpartum. So they're really not trusting their

00:13:43.879 --> 00:13:46.100
bodies. They really feel like something has taken

00:13:46.100 --> 00:13:48.940
over their bodies. And that as her area of expertise

00:13:48.940 --> 00:13:51.559
is working in that space. And so for me, coming

00:13:51.559 --> 00:13:56.059
in, you know, she was relatively new to doing

00:13:56.059 --> 00:13:58.019
this as her full -time job. She had been a dental

00:13:58.019 --> 00:14:01.320
hygienist. And so she's told me in the years

00:14:01.320 --> 00:14:02.860
since we've been working together almost three

00:14:02.860 --> 00:14:05.740
years now, she's told me, she's like, you helped

00:14:05.740 --> 00:14:09.019
me the way you responded to me gave gave me confidence.

00:14:09.240 --> 00:14:11.379
Oh my gosh. I didn't know at the time. So it's

00:14:11.379 --> 00:14:13.860
like mutual exchange that was happening when,

00:14:13.980 --> 00:14:15.860
when we see ourselves supporting another, we

00:14:15.860 --> 00:14:18.179
see that person rising. That gives us confidence

00:14:18.179 --> 00:14:20.379
that we know what we're doing, which then helps

00:14:20.379 --> 00:14:23.480
us to help that person more going forward. And

00:14:23.480 --> 00:14:25.519
you know what I love about that also is that

00:14:25.519 --> 00:14:27.299
you both admitted that to each other because

00:14:27.299 --> 00:14:30.000
so many times that happens and we don't acknowledge

00:14:30.000 --> 00:14:32.700
that. So that person doesn't even know that they

00:14:32.700 --> 00:14:35.919
had this impact. So you both sharing that. probably

00:14:35.919 --> 00:14:38.559
just helped to even elevate that even more about

00:14:38.559 --> 00:14:40.580
like, okay, well, you helped me. You helped me

00:14:40.580 --> 00:14:42.639
to like, it's just that it's that connection

00:14:42.639 --> 00:14:45.620
and that mutual relationship that we have to

00:14:45.620 --> 00:14:48.279
be intentional about talking about and giving

00:14:48.279 --> 00:14:50.500
people the credit, essentially, I think it just

00:14:50.500 --> 00:14:54.919
helps to grow that even more. So how did lifting

00:14:54.919 --> 00:14:59.240
essentially repair my body connection for you?

00:14:59.360 --> 00:15:00.879
Like, right, you're thinking about things that

00:15:00.879 --> 00:15:02.730
you weren't going to do. to lose weight, you're

00:15:02.730 --> 00:15:04.450
doing obviously to get strong and you were in

00:15:04.450 --> 00:15:07.210
a very unique situation. But how does that tie

00:15:07.210 --> 00:15:09.769
into or how did it tie into for you like that

00:15:09.769 --> 00:15:13.049
mind, body, confidence and how did that all come

00:15:13.049 --> 00:15:15.049
together? Well, I'd say that one of the first

00:15:15.049 --> 00:15:18.110
catalysts for even realizing that I was feeling

00:15:18.110 --> 00:15:20.809
powerless, which was the first kind of thing

00:15:20.809 --> 00:15:23.330
that got me to think about, okay, I want to change

00:15:23.330 --> 00:15:25.710
stuff here is when I was in, I've seen a therapist,

00:15:25.909 --> 00:15:27.789
a somatic therapist about six months after the

00:15:27.789 --> 00:15:31.080
accident and I was in somatic therapists. focus

00:15:31.080 --> 00:15:32.960
on restoring the mind body connection. So I had

00:15:32.960 --> 00:15:35.659
the support of this person who understood that

00:15:35.659 --> 00:15:38.960
trauma gets trapped in the body. And she was

00:15:38.960 --> 00:15:40.679
the first person who was helping me with the

00:15:40.679 --> 00:15:42.460
post -traumatic stress that I had from the accident.

00:15:42.639 --> 00:15:47.679
I had PTSD hyper reactive and my, my alert and

00:15:47.679 --> 00:15:50.279
alarm system was just like blaring. If I was

00:15:50.279 --> 00:15:51.960
walking on the sidewalk and you know, sometimes

00:15:51.960 --> 00:15:54.600
a sidewalk drops, like it's uneven, maybe two

00:15:54.600 --> 00:15:58.259
inches. If I would walk on a sidewalk and it

00:15:58.259 --> 00:16:00.419
would drop like that, I would have to stop. My

00:16:00.419 --> 00:16:03.080
body would get so activated because what it did

00:16:03.080 --> 00:16:05.379
is it reignited the same thing that happened

00:16:05.379 --> 00:16:08.460
in the accident when I landed unevenly. And so

00:16:08.460 --> 00:16:10.399
I had to tell my brain like, this is not that.

00:16:11.379 --> 00:16:12.840
And I would have to stop in the middle of the

00:16:12.840 --> 00:16:16.799
walk with my husband, sometimes cry, and gather

00:16:16.799 --> 00:16:20.679
myself. I mean, that's how fragile I felt in

00:16:20.679 --> 00:16:23.200
the months. And even within the first 18 months

00:16:23.200 --> 00:16:25.000
after the accident, I would be hyper reactive

00:16:25.000 --> 00:16:28.559
when something like that would happen. So imagine

00:16:28.559 --> 00:16:30.379
going from that to like, no, you're lifting heavy

00:16:30.379 --> 00:16:33.539
weights. That's ridiculous. So I see this therapist.

00:16:33.879 --> 00:16:37.259
I'm sitting lay on her massage table. And she's

00:16:37.259 --> 00:16:38.860
pressing along the outside of my leg from the

00:16:38.860 --> 00:16:41.460
outside of my hip to my knee. And she's asking

00:16:41.460 --> 00:16:43.500
me, she's saying, what are you noticing in your

00:16:43.500 --> 00:16:46.340
body? because often we disconnect, most of us,

00:16:46.340 --> 00:16:47.580
whether we've been through physical trauma or

00:16:47.580 --> 00:16:49.759
not, most of us disconnect our mind from our

00:16:49.759 --> 00:16:52.799
body. And I said, I feel like my body's resisting

00:16:52.799 --> 00:16:55.100
you. And she said, oh, like, you want to push

00:16:55.100 --> 00:16:58.440
me away? I don't know. I just, I just feel like

00:16:58.440 --> 00:17:00.059
tension in my chest as you're pressing on my

00:17:00.059 --> 00:17:02.059
leg. And she says, all right, I want you to sit

00:17:02.059 --> 00:17:03.879
up and push me. So she's probably in her mid

00:17:03.879 --> 00:17:06.119
sixties. So she stands on the side of the table

00:17:06.119 --> 00:17:09.619
in a sparring position and she says, sit up and

00:17:09.619 --> 00:17:11.660
push me away. So I sit up, I like nudge her and

00:17:11.660 --> 00:17:13.119
she goes, no, no, no, push me to make enough

00:17:13.119 --> 00:17:17.200
to make me move. So bizarre, first visit. I pushed

00:17:17.200 --> 00:17:20.900
her, I pushed her like four times. And then I,

00:17:20.900 --> 00:17:23.539
after a few times of doing that, I just feel

00:17:23.539 --> 00:17:26.339
this surge of emotion in my body and I lay back

00:17:26.339 --> 00:17:29.039
down and I like, I bring my hands to my face

00:17:29.039 --> 00:17:32.140
and I start full body sobbing. Like my body is

00:17:32.140 --> 00:17:35.039
shaking, hyperventilating, sobbing for like two

00:17:35.039 --> 00:17:38.059
to three minutes. And she just let me do it.

00:17:38.200 --> 00:17:40.039
It came out of nowhere. And she goes, what are

00:17:40.039 --> 00:17:43.099
you noticing? And I said, I wanted to push the

00:17:43.099 --> 00:17:48.599
truck away and I couldn't. And so that feeling

00:17:48.599 --> 00:17:51.200
of powerlessness had been trapped in my body.

00:17:51.240 --> 00:17:54.259
And that's what trauma does, right? Trauma breaks

00:17:54.259 --> 00:17:57.220
the mind -body connection. It gets you to disconnect

00:17:57.220 --> 00:17:59.740
because it's almost in self -preservation, self

00:17:59.740 --> 00:18:02.680
-protection mode. And so when you start lifting

00:18:02.680 --> 00:18:05.660
weights, what that does is it restores a sense

00:18:05.660 --> 00:18:10.180
of stability, of strength, of capability, of

00:18:10.180 --> 00:18:12.839
empowerment, because your body is doing something

00:18:12.839 --> 00:18:16.470
challenging. You are lifting a heavy thing. And

00:18:16.470 --> 00:18:18.089
when you're doing it in a way where you feel

00:18:18.089 --> 00:18:20.390
safe and protected, which is for me, the container

00:18:20.390 --> 00:18:24.309
that my trainer provided, you start to restore

00:18:24.309 --> 00:18:26.609
that this two things start to reconnect again,

00:18:26.910 --> 00:18:29.750
the mind body connection, because you're focused

00:18:29.750 --> 00:18:32.029
on your breath. You're focused on the intentional

00:18:32.029 --> 00:18:35.410
movement. You're focused on that present moment.

00:18:35.430 --> 00:18:37.210
When you are lifting, you cannot be distracted

00:18:37.210 --> 00:18:40.450
or you'll hurt yourself. And so gradually over

00:18:40.450 --> 00:18:42.930
time it started to rebuild and restore that mind

00:18:42.930 --> 00:18:46.349
body connection. and actually started to reduce

00:18:46.349 --> 00:18:49.009
the reactivity that I had emotionally because

00:18:49.009 --> 00:18:51.210
I'm in the spot where my body, the new truth,

00:18:51.269 --> 00:18:54.029
the new reality is my body is capable. My body

00:18:54.029 --> 00:18:56.269
is strong. My body can lift heavy things. My

00:18:56.269 --> 00:18:59.309
body can do hard things and I am my body. So

00:18:59.309 --> 00:19:02.529
I can do hard things. I am strong. I am capable.

00:19:03.170 --> 00:19:06.730
I am powerful. And that was really what started

00:19:06.730 --> 00:19:10.309
to shift things for me. And you know, you have

00:19:10.309 --> 00:19:13.460
this obviously very tragic, unfortunate situation

00:19:13.460 --> 00:19:16.220
that happened that then you had the opportunity

00:19:16.220 --> 00:19:19.779
to grow and evolve that way. But this can be

00:19:19.779 --> 00:19:22.480
the case for people in a lot less of a severe

00:19:22.480 --> 00:19:25.299
situation, whether it's just having that low

00:19:25.299 --> 00:19:27.920
confidence or needing to build up themselves.

00:19:28.460 --> 00:19:31.859
This works too, right? It's not just the extreme

00:19:31.859 --> 00:19:34.519
of having this physical issue that you had to

00:19:34.519 --> 00:19:37.480
overcome, but this is for anybody. Yeah, you

00:19:37.480 --> 00:19:38.799
don't have to wait till you get hit by a truck

00:19:38.799 --> 00:19:40.720
to start lifting weights. I mean, please don't.

00:19:40.740 --> 00:19:43.799
Please don't let that be the catalyst. I mean,

00:19:44.240 --> 00:19:46.759
ironically, you and I have this horrible thing

00:19:46.759 --> 00:19:50.400
in common. I, too, was hit by a car in my 20s.

00:19:50.460 --> 00:19:52.480
Thankfully, I did not have any spinal injuries.

00:19:52.819 --> 00:19:54.799
I didn't see it coming, so it was very bruised.

00:19:55.099 --> 00:19:58.079
But I think about the things that you take for

00:19:58.079 --> 00:20:00.220
granted, too, right, in that situation. I remember

00:20:00.220 --> 00:20:02.559
that I was in my early 20s at the time, and I

00:20:02.559 --> 00:20:05.849
remember being like, holy cow, I still can… go

00:20:05.849 --> 00:20:07.930
for a run, I can go to the gym, I can do whatever

00:20:07.930 --> 00:20:10.609
it is. And you have this new appreciation for

00:20:10.609 --> 00:20:12.269
things that you take for granted, which I think

00:20:12.269 --> 00:20:15.430
also tie all this back together where it just

00:20:15.430 --> 00:20:17.630
changes your outlook. And you don't want people

00:20:17.630 --> 00:20:20.869
to have these tragic situations happen to them

00:20:20.869 --> 00:20:23.089
to change your outlook. It can be small things

00:20:23.089 --> 00:20:24.849
that you're like, you know what, I want to be

00:20:24.849 --> 00:20:26.690
better. I want to build my confidence. I want

00:20:26.690 --> 00:20:28.269
to do things differently. I want to have that.

00:20:28.719 --> 00:20:31.160
optimistic outlook and be resilient. And again,

00:20:31.359 --> 00:20:33.680
to your point, you don't have to wait to be,

00:20:33.940 --> 00:20:36.640
do not recommend being hit by a car to get to

00:20:36.640 --> 00:20:39.220
that point. But you know, this has elevated you

00:20:39.220 --> 00:20:42.319
into this whole other level. And so how did this

00:20:42.319 --> 00:20:44.779
impact you outside the gym, right? Like obviously

00:20:44.779 --> 00:20:46.619
you're showing up to the gym, you're more confident,

00:20:46.839 --> 00:20:49.180
you're lifting heavier weights every month or

00:20:49.180 --> 00:20:51.119
whatever it is. But how did you start to see

00:20:51.119 --> 00:20:53.480
this play out then in the rest of your life?

00:20:54.259 --> 00:20:56.640
So interestingly, you know, people want a quick

00:20:56.640 --> 00:20:58.259
fix to things. And I think if I just start doing

00:20:58.259 --> 00:21:00.960
this thing in two months, I'm going to be beach

00:21:00.960 --> 00:21:04.460
body ready. It took me a good year. I sort of

00:21:04.460 --> 00:21:07.859
was just trying to build the trust within myself

00:21:07.859 --> 00:21:10.720
to be able to, to trust my trainer and to then

00:21:10.720 --> 00:21:13.259
gradually start to trust myself to start lifting

00:21:13.259 --> 00:21:15.720
heavy things. The first year was just sort of

00:21:15.720 --> 00:21:18.279
almost like getting a little bit more to baseline,

00:21:18.440 --> 00:21:20.980
to be honest with you. I didn't notice the most

00:21:20.980 --> 00:21:23.630
significant shifts in my body physically. until

00:21:23.630 --> 00:21:27.210
two years in of doing this consistently, of moving,

00:21:27.509 --> 00:21:31.609
yoga, lifting, walking, spinning, one of those

00:21:31.609 --> 00:21:33.769
every day, one of those every day, because when

00:21:33.769 --> 00:21:36.109
you lose the ability to move, you realize that

00:21:36.109 --> 00:21:38.269
it is a gift to be able to move your body. It

00:21:38.269 --> 00:21:41.109
is not like, oh, it's such a chore. Like what

00:21:41.109 --> 00:21:43.910
I would have done when I was in a back brace

00:21:43.910 --> 00:21:47.029
to be able to go for a walk. Right. And for someone

00:21:47.029 --> 00:21:49.130
listening right now, that like, if you are able

00:21:49.130 --> 00:21:51.289
bodied, the message for me is like, do what you

00:21:51.289 --> 00:21:53.539
can with what you have. Like, maybe you do have

00:21:53.539 --> 00:21:55.220
some limitation. Maybe you do have something

00:21:55.220 --> 00:21:57.480
that doesn't allow you to move as freely as you

00:21:57.480 --> 00:22:00.299
would like to. Well, what can you do? Like, what

00:22:00.299 --> 00:22:02.519
can you do with what you have? And so what started

00:22:02.519 --> 00:22:05.619
to happen for me is, as I started to notice my

00:22:05.619 --> 00:22:07.640
body changing, my goal was never to lose weight.

00:22:07.759 --> 00:22:09.519
I lost weight. I mean, I think I've lost, at

00:22:09.519 --> 00:22:12.099
this point, 16 or 17 pounds and just about as

00:22:12.099 --> 00:22:14.700
many inches on my body, like five inches on my

00:22:14.700 --> 00:22:16.480
hips. I've always been hippie. I'm a pear, you

00:22:16.480 --> 00:22:18.880
know? I don't even know why that was possible.

00:22:20.240 --> 00:22:22.619
I'm almost 42 years old. I'm in the best shape

00:22:22.619 --> 00:22:24.940
of my life that I've ever been in. And it's taken

00:22:24.940 --> 00:22:27.660
an insane amount of hard work, dedication, discipline,

00:22:27.880 --> 00:22:30.299
commitment, consistency, incremental increases

00:22:30.299 --> 00:22:33.279
over time. What it has done for me is it changes

00:22:33.279 --> 00:22:35.539
the way I carry myself. When your core is strong,

00:22:35.960 --> 00:22:38.240
and your back's strong, your glutes are strong,

00:22:38.579 --> 00:22:43.140
you walk into a room differently. The energy

00:22:43.140 --> 00:22:45.720
that you bring into a space shifts. I had someone

00:22:45.720 --> 00:22:48.119
say to me, I interviewed her before a keynote.

00:22:48.220 --> 00:22:49.619
I do that with people. I interview them before

00:22:49.619 --> 00:22:51.579
keynotes, get their stories. I met this woman

00:22:51.579 --> 00:22:53.400
at a reception the night before the conference,

00:22:53.480 --> 00:22:55.220
a month after interviewing her. And she goes,

00:22:55.579 --> 00:22:57.799
oh, I thought you'd be more like Taylor Swift.

00:22:57.819 --> 00:23:00.119
And I was like, what do you mean by that? She

00:23:00.119 --> 00:23:02.660
goes, because you have main character energy.

00:23:02.799 --> 00:23:06.140
I just thought you'd be taller because of the

00:23:06.140 --> 00:23:07.299
energy. I was like, I've never heard someone

00:23:07.299 --> 00:23:10.160
say that. But I'm definitely shorter than Taylor

00:23:10.160 --> 00:23:14.369
Swift and different in a lot of other ways. But

00:23:14.369 --> 00:23:16.690
in her experience, like this feeling of being

00:23:16.690 --> 00:23:18.990
a bit larger than life, like what it does when

00:23:18.990 --> 00:23:22.289
you feel confident in your body, in your physicality,

00:23:22.589 --> 00:23:25.450
it affects how you show up and how you interact

00:23:25.450 --> 00:23:27.329
and what you think you're worthy of. I mean,

00:23:27.690 --> 00:23:30.809
it changes how you dress. It changes so much.

00:23:30.890 --> 00:23:33.150
And then all of that has a ripple effect because

00:23:33.150 --> 00:23:35.970
then when you're walking into a room, like you

00:23:35.970 --> 00:23:38.049
deserve to be there and you're wearing something

00:23:38.049 --> 00:23:41.390
that makes you feel fantastic. And someone tells

00:23:41.390 --> 00:23:43.799
you, that you have Michelle Obama arms, which

00:23:43.799 --> 00:23:48.799
is very... It's not about even taking it in and

00:23:48.799 --> 00:23:50.900
being like, I'm so great. It's just about like,

00:23:50.900 --> 00:23:54.539
gosh, I know how hard I've worked to get to this

00:23:54.539 --> 00:23:56.579
spot. And I'm going to walk into this room like

00:23:56.579 --> 00:23:59.460
I deserve to be in there. And like, I have something

00:23:59.460 --> 00:24:03.400
to offer and that my presence matters. And when

00:24:03.400 --> 00:24:06.960
you do that, it has a positive contagion and

00:24:06.960 --> 00:24:09.299
effects. Like other people, they react, they

00:24:09.299 --> 00:24:12.099
respond to that energy. in a different way than

00:24:12.099 --> 00:24:17.000
if you walk into a room apologetically. And so

00:24:17.000 --> 00:24:19.200
I've drawn, I've like magnetized different people

00:24:19.200 --> 00:24:22.720
and opportunities to myself over the past particularly

00:24:22.720 --> 00:24:26.180
year or so as a result of having experienced

00:24:26.180 --> 00:24:28.440
this shift in my body physically, because what

00:24:28.440 --> 00:24:30.740
I've learned, and we talk about confidence a

00:24:30.740 --> 00:24:33.279
lot. I learned something recently on a podcast

00:24:33.279 --> 00:24:35.880
that the root of the word confidence is confidere

00:24:35.880 --> 00:24:40.119
and confidere in Latin means to trust fully.

00:24:40.660 --> 00:24:44.099
So to have self confidence is to trust yourself

00:24:44.099 --> 00:24:47.779
fully. I never knew that. That's so obvious.

00:24:48.180 --> 00:24:52.099
And when you trust yourself fully, I mean, you

00:24:52.099 --> 00:24:53.799
become unstoppable when you trust and you're

00:24:53.799 --> 00:24:56.640
not second guessing and apologizing and shrinking

00:24:56.640 --> 00:25:00.039
or when you're not doing that, when you're, when

00:25:00.039 --> 00:25:02.940
you're showing up unapologetically and boldly

00:25:02.940 --> 00:25:05.799
and powerfully. I mean, like watch out world.

00:25:05.960 --> 00:25:08.259
And that's how I feel about where I am in my

00:25:08.259 --> 00:25:09.980
life right now. And it feels really, really good.

00:25:11.189 --> 00:25:14.029
That's so good. I love that and you know, sometimes

00:25:14.029 --> 00:25:16.410
I think people get hung up on like the vanity

00:25:16.410 --> 00:25:19.730
piece of an appearance or Working out or caring

00:25:19.730 --> 00:25:21.450
about, you know, getting your hair done. Whatever

00:25:21.450 --> 00:25:24.049
it is that It's about making you feel good. It

00:25:24.049 --> 00:25:26.609
has nothing to do with the vanity piece. But

00:25:26.609 --> 00:25:28.990
when you feel good, you're going to show up.

00:25:29.109 --> 00:25:31.089
You're going to have that main character. I love

00:25:31.089 --> 00:25:34.309
that. That main character energy. And that's

00:25:34.309 --> 00:25:35.910
the part that we have to focus on. Like, what

00:25:35.910 --> 00:25:37.630
are those things that make you feel good that

00:25:37.630 --> 00:25:39.329
are going to make you feel confident that you

00:25:39.329 --> 00:25:42.630
walk into the room with that power? And to your

00:25:42.630 --> 00:25:44.390
point, like, I sit here, I'm like, I need to

00:25:44.390 --> 00:25:48.480
sit up straight. What am I doing? Just a bad

00:25:48.480 --> 00:25:50.420
part about sitting on my little podcast couch.

00:25:51.039 --> 00:25:53.299
But yeah, that's all part of it and that's all

00:25:53.299 --> 00:25:57.339
so important. So the irony that your work was

00:25:57.339 --> 00:25:59.420
about getting unmuted and the resilience, how

00:25:59.420 --> 00:26:02.240
did that change then how you communicate and

00:26:02.240 --> 00:26:03.819
how you show up and what you're sharing with

00:26:03.819 --> 00:26:06.180
people? I mean, the story is one piece of that,

00:26:06.180 --> 00:26:09.319
right? But you've literally changed how you show

00:26:09.319 --> 00:26:11.619
up and who you are. So how does that show up

00:26:11.619 --> 00:26:14.559
in your work and how does that even change what

00:26:14.559 --> 00:26:19.619
unmuted means to you? I would say, for me, a

00:26:19.619 --> 00:26:23.259
lot of it is I've started to think bigger about

00:26:23.259 --> 00:26:28.359
my life in general. And when you build confidence

00:26:28.359 --> 00:26:31.819
in one area of your life, it tends to ripple

00:26:31.819 --> 00:26:34.440
into others. And so I feel stronger in this area.

00:26:34.500 --> 00:26:36.519
So now when an opportunity comes along over here

00:26:36.519 --> 00:26:38.980
that previously I would have doubted myself or

00:26:38.980 --> 00:26:42.539
held back or not trusted myself, I walk into

00:26:42.539 --> 00:26:45.339
that opportunity like, well, actually, why not?

00:26:46.220 --> 00:26:49.220
Maybe I could do that. Maybe that is possible.

00:26:49.740 --> 00:26:51.920
And so I started to think about, well, what are

00:26:51.920 --> 00:26:53.619
other ways I need to learn to trust myself? And

00:26:53.619 --> 00:26:56.740
we learn to trust ourselves by doing things consistently,

00:26:56.819 --> 00:26:59.039
by honoring the commitments we make to ourselves.

00:26:59.599 --> 00:27:01.220
That's how we learn to trust anyone, frankly,

00:27:01.339 --> 00:27:05.599
by doing what we say we're going to do. And so

00:27:05.599 --> 00:27:07.099
I thought, well, what other areas of my life

00:27:07.099 --> 00:27:09.440
do I want to have more confidence in that I can

00:27:09.440 --> 00:27:12.079
transfer this over to? And one was performance

00:27:12.079 --> 00:27:15.480
for singing. I did not grow up as a performer.

00:27:15.700 --> 00:27:17.259
I did not grow up singing in front of people.

00:27:17.460 --> 00:27:21.559
I have, to date, only dozens of, not in the hundreds,

00:27:21.799 --> 00:27:24.140
dozens of times in the lower dozens under 50,

00:27:25.140 --> 00:27:27.660
sung full songs in front of people with accompaniment

00:27:27.660 --> 00:27:30.259
live. And I thought, well, I want to get better

00:27:30.259 --> 00:27:32.259
at that. And I asked Leroy, the producer I work

00:27:32.259 --> 00:27:33.779
with, how do I get more confident performing

00:27:33.779 --> 00:27:36.160
in front of people? And he's like, by performing

00:27:36.160 --> 00:27:42.150
in front of people. Shocking. So now I've started

00:27:42.150 --> 00:27:44.150
to do more of that. And I made a commitment to

00:27:44.150 --> 00:27:45.849
do monthly open mic nights with my husband. And

00:27:45.849 --> 00:27:47.250
we've been doing that since December. He plays

00:27:47.250 --> 00:27:51.329
guitar. Oh. And I sing. And so I have now, OK,

00:27:51.410 --> 00:27:52.849
now when I get on stage, let me kind of build

00:27:52.849 --> 00:27:54.950
that. Let me start to build trust in that area

00:27:54.950 --> 00:27:57.650
by honoring that commitment. And then more recently,

00:27:58.089 --> 00:28:00.650
a friend of mine, I shared a dream with him about

00:28:00.650 --> 00:28:04.119
wanting to maybe expand singing by. singing the

00:28:04.119 --> 00:28:05.859
national anthem at a minor league baseball game,

00:28:06.299 --> 00:28:09.000
maybe at some point perhaps, maybe possibly eventually,

00:28:09.779 --> 00:28:11.619
eventually, eventually a major league game, maybe

00:28:11.619 --> 00:28:16.039
someday. He heard that as, oh, you want to sing

00:28:16.039 --> 00:28:17.799
at a major league baseball game this year? Got

00:28:17.799 --> 00:28:20.079
it. And so he used to play major league baseball

00:28:20.079 --> 00:28:21.839
and orchestrated a bunch of things behind the

00:28:21.839 --> 00:28:23.970
scenes. And now I'm singing the national anthem

00:28:23.970 --> 00:28:26.589
at the Orioles Yankees game on August 20th. Stop

00:28:26.589 --> 00:28:29.990
it. Oh my gosh. That's so exciting. Congratulations.

00:28:30.150 --> 00:28:32.529
And to what will be a sold out game, I'm sure.

00:28:32.769 --> 00:28:37.029
No pressure. No pressure. But I'm working on

00:28:37.029 --> 00:28:38.690
it. Like I'm practicing. I'm rehearsing. I work

00:28:38.690 --> 00:28:40.730
with a vocal coach. So again, how do you build

00:28:40.730 --> 00:28:43.029
confidence and other ways by getting in reps?

00:28:43.230 --> 00:28:45.009
You know, so I'm working with a vocal coach every

00:28:45.009 --> 00:28:47.049
week and we're, we're troubleshooting and we're

00:28:47.049 --> 00:28:48.710
imagining and we're experimenting with things

00:28:48.710 --> 00:28:50.549
and we're setting the intention. What's the intention

00:28:50.549 --> 00:28:53.549
when I get out there is to sing every line joyfully.

00:28:53.890 --> 00:28:55.430
Like that's the intention. So when we were in

00:28:55.430 --> 00:28:57.710
practicing, when we're practicing together, all

00:28:57.710 --> 00:28:59.369
right, how do I activate joy in this one before

00:28:59.369 --> 00:29:01.190
I even sing the line? How do I connect to that

00:29:01.190 --> 00:29:03.670
intention? And how do we get so many reps in

00:29:03.670 --> 00:29:06.289
of doing this that I start to trust myself and

00:29:06.289 --> 00:29:08.410
I trust my voice that it's not going to, my body's

00:29:08.410 --> 00:29:10.170
not going to betray me. My voice isn't going

00:29:10.170 --> 00:29:13.109
to crack. It's not going to cut out. And then

00:29:13.109 --> 00:29:15.609
so when I walk out to that microphone on that

00:29:15.609 --> 00:29:17.589
field in front of tens of thousands of people,

00:29:19.210 --> 00:29:23.589
that I trust myself and I trust my body to show

00:29:23.589 --> 00:29:25.890
up and perform in the moment because we've done

00:29:25.890 --> 00:29:29.529
it so many times before. I've built that trust

00:29:29.529 --> 00:29:31.170
to the point where when I get out there, I'm

00:29:31.170 --> 00:29:33.009
not like wondering, I'm not like, oh, it's going

00:29:33.009 --> 00:29:37.670
to happen. It's just another rep. And it's another

00:29:37.670 --> 00:29:40.369
expression of trusting myself. I don't think

00:29:40.369 --> 00:29:41.970
if this had happened 18 months ago, if someone's

00:29:41.970 --> 00:29:43.269
like, you're going to sing the national anthem

00:29:43.269 --> 00:29:44.490
at a major league baseball game, I would have

00:29:44.490 --> 00:29:48.990
said, no, I am not. Here we are now. And I'm

00:29:48.990 --> 00:29:52.410
like, you know what? You're like, let's go. Here's

00:29:52.410 --> 00:29:54.450
the opportunity. I like to say, I'm not an imposter.

00:29:54.589 --> 00:29:58.430
I'm in process. So I'm not, I could look at myself.

00:29:58.529 --> 00:30:00.170
I've only sung the national anthem once to 200

00:30:00.170 --> 00:30:02.730
people in a field on an overcast Friday at a

00:30:02.730 --> 00:30:05.759
small town in Maryland, which is true. That's

00:30:05.759 --> 00:30:07.180
the most people I've ever sung the national anthem.

00:30:07.200 --> 00:30:08.880
That's the most people I've ever sung like a

00:30:08.880 --> 00:30:14.339
full song of anything to. And now I'm doing this.

00:30:14.740 --> 00:30:17.339
And so I'm going to be going to be loud and lifted

00:30:17.339 --> 00:30:21.339
out there. I'm really excited about it. So you've

00:30:21.339 --> 00:30:22.740
mentioned your trainer, you've mentioned your

00:30:22.740 --> 00:30:25.099
husband, you've mentioned your vocal coach. So

00:30:25.099 --> 00:30:26.839
I'm getting onto the trend that you didn't do

00:30:26.839 --> 00:30:30.220
this alone. How important were the people around

00:30:30.220 --> 00:30:34.099
you? And were you, did you have to like, ask

00:30:34.099 --> 00:30:35.680
for help. I mean, people are obviously coming

00:30:35.680 --> 00:30:37.339
to you, but like, how did that work? And how

00:30:37.339 --> 00:30:39.579
did you get that support around you to get where

00:30:39.579 --> 00:30:43.779
you are today? So I had practice when I was 32

00:30:43.779 --> 00:30:46.640
years old, 2017. I was the director of wellbeing

00:30:46.640 --> 00:30:48.839
at my company and I burned out and got mono.

00:30:49.039 --> 00:30:50.900
I mean, like really sick, Epstein -Barr virus,

00:30:51.039 --> 00:30:53.920
which is an acute form of mono. I lost my voice.

00:30:54.240 --> 00:30:58.799
I had no energy. The people, people paid me and

00:30:58.799 --> 00:31:01.170
hired me for my energy. I didn't have it. I went

00:31:01.170 --> 00:31:02.869
through this dark night of the soul identity

00:31:02.869 --> 00:31:05.670
crisis. Who am I if I don't have my voice? Who

00:31:05.670 --> 00:31:08.069
am I if I don't have this energy? Am I ever going

00:31:08.069 --> 00:31:10.089
to get this back? I mean, I was really scared.

00:31:10.130 --> 00:31:12.710
So I was in 2017 when I was still my corporate

00:31:12.710 --> 00:31:15.769
job. And what I learned in the wake of that experience

00:31:15.769 --> 00:31:20.670
was how isolated I had been through my own doing.

00:31:21.869 --> 00:31:24.329
Because for so much of my life, I had believed,

00:31:24.970 --> 00:31:27.670
well, sort of if it's to be, it's up to me. And

00:31:27.670 --> 00:31:29.990
I just need to figure this out. And if I ask

00:31:29.990 --> 00:31:32.210
for help, people are going to think I can't handle

00:31:32.210 --> 00:31:35.009
it. They're going to think I am lesser. They're

00:31:35.009 --> 00:31:36.710
going to think I'm not as great as I want them

00:31:36.710 --> 00:31:39.369
to think I am. They're going to see it as a sign

00:31:39.369 --> 00:31:42.470
of weakness and incompetence. I deep in my bones

00:31:42.470 --> 00:31:48.089
believe that. When I burned out and was so sick

00:31:48.089 --> 00:31:54.029
and had to change my schedule at work, I had

00:31:54.029 --> 00:31:57.289
to change something. I hit this inflection point.

00:31:57.719 --> 00:31:59.519
I was like, you can keep doing this, and you're

00:31:59.519 --> 00:32:01.900
going to drive yourself into the ground, and

00:32:01.900 --> 00:32:04.519
your life's going to fall apart. Kind of started

00:32:04.519 --> 00:32:08.299
to a little bit. Or you can make a change. So

00:32:08.299 --> 00:32:10.119
it's this catalyst, it's this moment I talk about

00:32:10.119 --> 00:32:11.940
as the void in this framework I teach people.

00:32:12.339 --> 00:32:16.000
The void, what's the moment of just something's

00:32:16.000 --> 00:32:17.519
got to give would have didn't have to be this

00:32:17.519 --> 00:32:19.700
way. And I started reaching out to people. I

00:32:19.700 --> 00:32:22.940
started asking for help first at work. I started

00:32:22.940 --> 00:32:24.940
opening up to friends. I'd never really been

00:32:24.940 --> 00:32:28.180
super outwardly vulnerable with people. I didn't

00:32:28.180 --> 00:32:30.440
really let people in. I also wasn't a very good

00:32:30.440 --> 00:32:32.920
friend. I also wouldn't reach out to and follow

00:32:32.920 --> 00:32:35.759
up with people or check in on them. I was so

00:32:35.759 --> 00:32:39.240
self -consumed with just all my own life that

00:32:39.240 --> 00:32:41.299
I was disconnected and very isolated. And I realized

00:32:41.299 --> 00:32:45.759
how lonely I was, outwardly successful, but how

00:32:45.759 --> 00:32:48.059
internally isolated and disconnected I felt.

00:32:49.519 --> 00:32:53.339
And I didn't want to feel that way anymore. And

00:32:53.339 --> 00:32:55.460
so I started letting people into my life. I got

00:32:55.460 --> 00:32:57.700
on a, this might sound so ridiculous, but at,

00:32:57.700 --> 00:33:00.880
I think it was probably 32, 33, maybe 33, was

00:33:00.880 --> 00:33:02.700
the first time I was ever on a group text with

00:33:02.700 --> 00:33:06.240
a group of peers. Which some people might think

00:33:06.240 --> 00:33:08.339
like group texts, and I mute a lot of them now.

00:33:08.839 --> 00:33:10.640
Not those friends, but like if I'm in a group

00:33:10.640 --> 00:33:12.500
text, I'm like, oh, that's too much. But I'd

00:33:12.500 --> 00:33:14.960
never been included. I got invited to a girls

00:33:14.960 --> 00:33:17.579
weekend with like six women that I go to church

00:33:17.579 --> 00:33:19.779
with. And they were all a group and they sort

00:33:19.779 --> 00:33:21.559
of let me into their group and they invited me.

00:33:21.779 --> 00:33:24.779
I had never been on a girls weekend with a group

00:33:24.779 --> 00:33:29.700
of my friends before, at 33. Interesting. And

00:33:29.700 --> 00:33:32.559
so what started to happen is that foundation

00:33:32.559 --> 00:33:36.059
was getting laid over those years. So when the

00:33:36.059 --> 00:33:39.119
accident happened and I needed to ask for help,

00:33:39.380 --> 00:33:42.460
I had practiced in the years prior. I had practiced

00:33:42.460 --> 00:33:45.279
asking for help and realizing that people want

00:33:45.279 --> 00:33:48.089
to help you. They just don't know that you need

00:33:48.089 --> 00:33:51.069
it. And I mean, imagine right now, Simon Sinek

00:33:51.069 --> 00:33:53.569
has a video about this, where he says, if I knew,

00:33:53.589 --> 00:33:55.650
like, if you're a dear friend of mine and I were

00:33:55.650 --> 00:33:58.470
to find out sometime later that you were struggling

00:33:58.470 --> 00:34:01.309
and you didn't invite me into that, to be a part

00:34:01.309 --> 00:34:05.309
of that with you, like, how dare you? How dare

00:34:05.309 --> 00:34:08.389
you assume that I wouldn't want to be in that

00:34:08.389 --> 00:34:12.849
with you? And so for me, it's just that reminder

00:34:12.849 --> 00:34:16.409
that people that love you, Want to support you,

00:34:16.469 --> 00:34:18.349
but if you don't let them know that you need

00:34:18.349 --> 00:34:21.869
them They may not be able to be there the way

00:34:21.869 --> 00:34:24.849
that you need them to be And you're missing out

00:34:24.849 --> 00:34:27.210
on an opportunity to build trust in that relationship

00:34:27.210 --> 00:34:29.449
because when we ask for help When we make ourselves

00:34:29.449 --> 00:34:31.849
vulnerable and we open up to another person That's

00:34:31.849 --> 00:34:33.570
one of the ways that we build trust vulnerability

00:34:33.570 --> 00:34:36.369
as a trust builder in a relationship I didn't

00:34:36.369 --> 00:34:38.730
allow people to help me because I was too proud

00:34:38.730 --> 00:34:42.030
That's so interesting and it's funny as you're

00:34:42.030 --> 00:34:44.500
saying that it's it's like Sometimes we're being

00:34:44.500 --> 00:34:47.619
selfish when we don't ask for help. And people

00:34:47.619 --> 00:34:49.260
think the opposite, right? They think they're

00:34:49.260 --> 00:34:51.119
being selfish if they ask for help or I need

00:34:51.119 --> 00:34:53.699
someone to do this and it's actually backwards.

00:34:53.780 --> 00:34:55.980
And I never really thought about that that way.

00:34:56.139 --> 00:34:57.960
And I never really thought about the fact that

00:34:57.960 --> 00:35:00.440
you're right. Like everything else, it takes

00:35:00.440 --> 00:35:03.099
practice. And sometimes you just have to start

00:35:03.099 --> 00:35:06.099
small and do something that's like asking somebody

00:35:06.099 --> 00:35:08.340
to pick something up for you or whatever it is.

00:35:08.619 --> 00:35:11.059
But you're right. It does have to start small

00:35:11.059 --> 00:35:13.159
and you literally have to build confidence with

00:35:13.360 --> 00:35:15.840
asking for help and getting support. I never

00:35:15.840 --> 00:35:17.880
thought about that way, but you know, it's so

00:35:17.880 --> 00:35:19.579
many of these conversations come back to people

00:35:19.579 --> 00:35:22.619
being successful. They need the support. No one

00:35:22.619 --> 00:35:25.579
is Superwoman. No one is doing this alone. And

00:35:25.579 --> 00:35:28.059
as women, we tend to just struggle with sometimes

00:35:28.059 --> 00:35:30.219
taking that first step and making that ask to

00:35:30.219 --> 00:35:33.860
all the reasons that you said. So starting small

00:35:33.860 --> 00:35:36.619
and kind of building into that, to the fact that

00:35:36.619 --> 00:35:38.920
that was just your life. And then when you really

00:35:38.920 --> 00:35:41.360
needed it, it was probably a lot easier than

00:35:41.360 --> 00:35:46.300
to accept that help. Yeah. Oh, so crazy. So for

00:35:46.300 --> 00:35:48.079
a woman who's listening to this, who's feeling

00:35:48.079 --> 00:35:52.079
muted or disconnected or just really unsure how

00:35:52.079 --> 00:35:54.960
to come back, what's the first step, right? Like

00:35:54.960 --> 00:35:57.659
sometimes it can feel so overwhelming if you

00:35:57.659 --> 00:36:00.260
need to tackle this. So how does somebody move

00:36:00.260 --> 00:36:03.420
forward and take that first step? So there's

00:36:03.420 --> 00:36:04.760
a couple of things that I like to invite people

00:36:04.760 --> 00:36:07.420
to do. And one is to first, you have to kind

00:36:07.420 --> 00:36:10.569
of first feel the pain of staying the same. and

00:36:10.569 --> 00:36:12.550
realizing that you don't want to stay in that

00:36:12.550 --> 00:36:15.190
spot anymore, it has to be an internal conviction.

00:36:15.489 --> 00:36:17.329
Conviction is what really gets us to make a change.

00:36:18.409 --> 00:36:20.409
So when I made the decision to work with a trainer,

00:36:21.550 --> 00:36:24.389
I felt so stuck that when I saw this door open

00:36:24.389 --> 00:36:26.469
of finding out who this person was working with,

00:36:26.789 --> 00:36:29.010
I felt convicted that I have to take action.

00:36:29.030 --> 00:36:31.590
I can't stay here. So a couple of questions I

00:36:31.590 --> 00:36:33.289
like to invite people to sit with, as opposed

00:36:33.289 --> 00:36:34.630
to being prescriptive and say, here's the three

00:36:34.630 --> 00:36:37.110
things you need to do. I'm more inclined to say,

00:36:37.190 --> 00:36:38.750
look within yourself, answer these questions,

00:36:38.750 --> 00:36:40.489
and these questions will guide you down the path

00:36:40.489 --> 00:36:43.510
that you need to go on. So the first is, what

00:36:43.510 --> 00:36:46.269
is one way you are currently feeling stuck or

00:36:46.269 --> 00:36:49.690
holding back or experiencing a doubt or stagnation

00:36:49.690 --> 00:36:51.630
of some kind in your life? One area. Pick one.

00:36:51.750 --> 00:36:53.449
Because we want to pick 17. We're like, let me

00:36:53.449 --> 00:36:56.469
fix it all at one time. Don't do that. Pick one.

00:36:56.510 --> 00:36:58.730
And then ask yourself, what is the cost of staying

00:36:58.730 --> 00:37:01.269
where I am? So I ask myself, what's the cost

00:37:01.269 --> 00:37:03.150
of continuing to stay where I am, of feeling

00:37:03.150 --> 00:37:05.630
powerless, of not building strength and trust

00:37:05.630 --> 00:37:07.809
in my body? If I stay here, if nothing changes,

00:37:07.849 --> 00:37:09.769
and I just keep doing what I'm doing, what's

00:37:09.769 --> 00:37:12.030
the cost a year from now, three years from now,

00:37:12.170 --> 00:37:14.389
five years from now? Is that a price I want to

00:37:14.389 --> 00:37:17.150
pay? To get honest about that first. And most

00:37:17.150 --> 00:37:18.769
of us will say, no, I don't want to pay that

00:37:18.769 --> 00:37:22.170
price, and that's too expensive. And so now I

00:37:22.170 --> 00:37:24.610
feel like I want to do something. The second

00:37:24.610 --> 00:37:26.130
question is, if it were just right, what would

00:37:26.130 --> 00:37:28.639
it look like? If it were just right, what would

00:37:28.639 --> 00:37:29.780
it look like? I guess it's more like the third

00:37:29.780 --> 00:37:31.760
question. But it's a question I learned from

00:37:31.760 --> 00:37:35.480
my dad. He calls himself the unstucker. Love

00:37:35.480 --> 00:37:37.599
that. So if it were just right, what would it

00:37:37.599 --> 00:37:39.639
look like? If it were just right, gosh, I'd feel,

00:37:39.900 --> 00:37:42.820
when I think about my own journey, I'd feel stronger.

00:37:43.300 --> 00:37:45.320
I'd feel more capable. I'd be lifting heavier

00:37:45.320 --> 00:37:47.980
things. I'd trust my body. I'd be in shape again.

00:37:48.900 --> 00:37:51.019
Oh, gosh. Once you paint a compelling enough

00:37:51.019 --> 00:37:53.730
vision, of what the just right future looks like,

00:37:53.849 --> 00:37:56.070
that alone can start to move you toward it. That

00:37:56.070 --> 00:37:58.070
can start to motivate you to want to take action.

00:37:59.190 --> 00:38:01.869
And then the third step of what I take people

00:38:01.869 --> 00:38:03.929
through, or fourth step, I guess, getting the

00:38:03.929 --> 00:38:07.190
numbers here, is connecting to a sense of capability

00:38:07.190 --> 00:38:08.650
and possibility with the inside of yourself.

00:38:09.590 --> 00:38:12.250
So for me, looking back on when I went through

00:38:12.250 --> 00:38:14.389
the burnout experience and identifying, hey,

00:38:14.530 --> 00:38:16.150
remember before when you went through this thing

00:38:16.150 --> 00:38:17.250
that you didn't know how you were going to get

00:38:17.250 --> 00:38:20.449
through and you got through it? You're capable.

00:38:21.359 --> 00:38:23.179
So sometimes we just need to look back. I call

00:38:23.179 --> 00:38:24.840
it the proof in our past. Look at the proof in

00:38:24.840 --> 00:38:26.679
your past of when you've been capable that you

00:38:26.679 --> 00:38:28.179
didn't think you could do a thing and you did

00:38:28.179 --> 00:38:31.300
a thing. Remind yourself, I am capable of doing

00:38:31.300 --> 00:38:35.199
hard things. And then at some point, make a decision

00:38:35.199 --> 00:38:37.079
for maybe whose belief do I need to borrow in

00:38:37.079 --> 00:38:38.840
this season? Whose accountability do I need?

00:38:38.860 --> 00:38:44.920
I'm really big on accountability. I can often

00:38:44.920 --> 00:38:48.320
forego a commitment I make to myself if I'm the

00:38:48.320 --> 00:38:52.139
only one that knows about it. But if I have made

00:38:52.139 --> 00:38:53.900
a commitment to somebody else, I don't want to

00:38:53.900 --> 00:38:56.960
disappoint them. So my trainer would know if

00:38:56.960 --> 00:38:59.300
I went a week, if I saw her, and then I went

00:38:59.300 --> 00:39:03.179
home for a week, and I didn't work out. She's

00:39:03.179 --> 00:39:05.159
going to know. She's sexy, and we're checking

00:39:05.159 --> 00:39:08.360
in with each other. And so get to know yourself

00:39:08.360 --> 00:39:10.739
in that way. What's the accountability that you

00:39:10.739 --> 00:39:13.119
need? Who's already where you want to be? Or

00:39:13.119 --> 00:39:14.739
who can help you get to where you want to be?

00:39:14.920 --> 00:39:17.460
Identify one person and reach out to them. You

00:39:17.460 --> 00:39:19.250
might have to pay them. Like it's not just all

00:39:19.250 --> 00:39:21.170
free. Maybe it's a friend of yours, great. But

00:39:21.170 --> 00:39:23.650
maybe it's a coach or a trainer or somebody that

00:39:23.650 --> 00:39:25.750
you need to pay that's going to hold you accountable

00:39:25.750 --> 00:39:28.469
and help guide you through this to rebuild that

00:39:28.469 --> 00:39:30.710
trust in yourself. And then the final part of

00:39:30.710 --> 00:39:33.829
this is getting clear on, okay, what becomes

00:39:33.829 --> 00:39:37.789
possible in the best case scenario if I've taken

00:39:37.789 --> 00:39:40.710
action and that vision, the just right vision

00:39:40.710 --> 00:39:44.409
I have has come true. Let me imagine and like

00:39:44.409 --> 00:39:46.929
internalize it, make it visual, make it visceral.

00:39:47.030 --> 00:39:48.610
I've been doing a lot of meditating and kind

00:39:48.610 --> 00:39:50.269
of tapping into the power of the subconscious

00:39:50.269 --> 00:39:53.250
mind lately and just sitting, literally sitting

00:39:53.250 --> 00:39:56.349
with it, imagining it as if it already is. So

00:39:56.349 --> 00:39:59.449
you're sitting there visualizing, imagining yourself.

00:39:59.550 --> 00:40:01.530
I mean, I will visualize myself lifting a heavier

00:40:01.530 --> 00:40:03.829
deadlift than I can currently lift. And then

00:40:03.829 --> 00:40:06.530
I'm doing it confidently. I've imagined myself

00:40:06.530 --> 00:40:08.630
standing in Camden Yards in the field and looking

00:40:08.630 --> 00:40:10.429
out into the audience and finishing the anthem

00:40:10.429 --> 00:40:12.469
with my arms spread wide and smile on my face.

00:40:13.079 --> 00:40:15.760
literally get yourself into a position where

00:40:15.760 --> 00:40:19.300
you are visualizing and viscerally creating that

00:40:19.300 --> 00:40:22.900
experience as if you are already there and allow

00:40:22.900 --> 00:40:25.699
yourself to go there. If it were just right,

00:40:25.820 --> 00:40:28.280
if this all works out in the best case scenario,

00:40:28.420 --> 00:40:31.000
what becomes possible for me and for the people

00:40:31.000 --> 00:40:33.260
around me? And if you go through that internal

00:40:33.260 --> 00:40:35.760
process, you will get to a place where you feel

00:40:35.760 --> 00:40:37.539
convicted and compelled to take action and do

00:40:37.539 --> 00:40:40.940
something. That's a mic drop moment right there.

00:40:40.940 --> 00:40:45.260
That's amazing. Rachel, you're so amazing and

00:40:45.260 --> 00:40:49.199
you truly are living a loud, unmuted, lifted

00:40:49.199 --> 00:40:51.760
life. So I'm so glad that we were able to connect

00:40:51.760 --> 00:40:53.820
and to hear your story and can't wait to see

00:40:53.820 --> 00:40:56.420
the impact that you continue to make. And we

00:40:56.420 --> 00:40:58.539
definitely want to see the video from performance.

00:40:58.559 --> 00:41:01.039
It'll be amazing. So thank you so much for being

00:41:01.039 --> 00:41:04.260
here. Thank you for having me. The conversation

00:41:04.260 --> 00:41:06.300
with Rachel was such a powerful reminder that

00:41:06.300 --> 00:41:08.519
confidence is not something we just wake up with

00:41:08.519 --> 00:41:11.230
one day. We build it. Through movement, through

00:41:11.230 --> 00:41:13.469
consistency, through support, through keeping

00:41:13.469 --> 00:41:16.650
promises to ourselves, through doing the things

00:41:16.650 --> 00:41:19.630
before we fully believe we can. And I love what

00:41:19.630 --> 00:41:21.590
Rachel shared about confidence really meaning

00:41:21.590 --> 00:41:24.329
self -trust, because that's the piece so many

00:41:24.329 --> 00:41:27.030
of us miss. We think we need to feel confident

00:41:27.030 --> 00:41:29.889
first, but sometimes confidence comes after the

00:41:29.889 --> 00:41:32.750
reps, after the first walk, after the first lift,

00:41:32.989 --> 00:41:36.429
after the first ask for help. And Rachel's story

00:41:36.429 --> 00:41:38.829
is also such a beautiful reminder that being

00:41:38.829 --> 00:41:42.190
lifted is not always about pushing harder. Sometimes

00:41:42.190 --> 00:41:44.329
it's about letting people in, letting someone

00:41:44.329 --> 00:41:46.690
else believe in you until you can believe in

00:41:46.690 --> 00:41:49.070
yourself. That feels very loud and lifted to

00:41:49.070 --> 00:41:52.650
me. No one rebuilds alone. So if this episode

00:41:52.650 --> 00:41:54.469
connected with you, send it to someone who needs

00:41:54.469 --> 00:41:56.550
that reminder that they are stronger than they

00:41:56.550 --> 00:41:59.170
think and that coming back to yourself does not

00:41:59.170 --> 00:42:01.849
happen all at once. Sometimes it starts with

00:42:01.849 --> 00:42:05.579
one small promise. and then another. Until next

00:42:05.579 --> 00:42:08.559
time, stay loud, unmuted, and lifted.