July 2, 2026
The One Conversation You’re Avoiding Is Keeping You Stuck
Sometimes we’re not stuck on the decision. We’re avoiding the conversation that comes after it.
In this Quick Lift, Betsy breaks down one of the biggest takeaways from her conversation with Kasey D’Amato: the hard conversation sitting underneath the big decision.
You’ll learn how to name the real issue, use Kasey’s head-heart-gut framework to get clear, recognize when busyness is actually avoidance, and prepare to have the conversation without over-explaining, over-apologizing, or trying to manage everyone else’s reaction.
The conversation may not get easier while you wait. But clarity usually starts when you finally stop working around it.
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Welcome to Loud and Lifted Quick Lift. I'm Betsy
00:00:03.200 --> 00:00:05.480
Hamm, and this is where we take the key takeaways
00:00:05.480 --> 00:00:07.459
from a full episode and turn it into something
00:00:07.459 --> 00:00:10.800
you can actually use this week. Today, we're
00:00:10.800 --> 00:00:13.119
pulling from a conversation with Casey D 'Amato
00:00:13.119 --> 00:00:15.679
about big decisions, emotional intelligence,
00:00:16.019 --> 00:00:18.519
outside pressure, and finding clarity when everything
00:00:18.519 --> 00:00:21.179
else feels loud. And there was one idea from
00:00:21.179 --> 00:00:23.940
that conversation that has stayed with me. Sometimes
00:00:23.940 --> 00:00:27.140
we're not stuck on the decision. We're avoiding
00:00:27.140 --> 00:00:30.780
the conversations that come after it. Annoying,
00:00:31.000 --> 00:00:33.920
right? Because we tell ourselves we need more
00:00:33.920 --> 00:00:36.280
information, more time, another meeting, a better
00:00:36.280 --> 00:00:38.679
plan, maybe one more spreadsheet, although personally,
00:00:38.679 --> 00:00:41.179
it's never the spreadsheet. But a lot of time,
00:00:41.259 --> 00:00:44.020
we already know the answer. We know the role
00:00:44.020 --> 00:00:46.020
is no longer working. We know the partnership
00:00:46.020 --> 00:00:48.920
has run its course. We know someone is not meeting
00:00:48.920 --> 00:00:51.439
our expectations, and we know that the workload
00:00:51.439 --> 00:00:54.700
is unsustainable. The decision may be uncomfortable,
00:00:54.700 --> 00:00:58.630
but it's not actually unclear. What feels unclear
00:00:58.630 --> 00:01:01.369
is everything that comes next. What will they
00:01:01.369 --> 00:01:03.810
say? Will they be angry, disappointed? Will they
00:01:03.810 --> 00:01:06.909
think I'm selfish, difficult, disloyal? Will
00:01:06.909 --> 00:01:08.689
they make it a whole thing? I mean, you know
00:01:08.689 --> 00:01:12.010
the type. So instead of having that conversation,
00:01:12.230 --> 00:01:16.090
we try to solve around it. We add another process,
00:01:16.510 --> 00:01:19.420
move responsibilities around. take on more ourselves,
00:01:19.819 --> 00:01:22.819
give one more chance without clearly saying it's
00:01:22.819 --> 00:01:25.379
the last chance. We wait for the perfect moment,
00:01:25.599 --> 00:01:28.180
which oddly enough never appears on the calendar.
00:01:29.260 --> 00:01:31.819
And this is where avoidance gets tricky because
00:01:31.819 --> 00:01:34.319
it can look a lot like leadership. We're working,
00:01:34.480 --> 00:01:36.620
we're problem solving, trying to protect the
00:01:36.620 --> 00:01:39.939
team, being thoughtful or patient. But are we
00:01:39.939 --> 00:01:42.640
leading the issue forward or are we just making
00:01:42.640 --> 00:01:44.620
ourselves busier so we don't have to deal with
00:01:44.620 --> 00:01:47.349
the part that feels so personal? I have done
00:01:47.349 --> 00:01:49.730
this. I have told myself I was waiting for more
00:01:49.730 --> 00:01:52.730
clarity. Deep down, what I was waiting for was
00:01:52.730 --> 00:01:55.629
the conversation to somehow become less uncomfortable.
00:01:56.209 --> 00:01:58.989
It never does, by the way. So let's make this
00:01:58.989 --> 00:02:01.590
practical. Four steps to get out of the loop
00:02:01.590 --> 00:02:04.030
and move toward the conversation you already
00:02:04.030 --> 00:02:07.329
know you need to have. Number one, name the conversation.
00:02:07.629 --> 00:02:09.969
Before you solve anything, name the conversation
00:02:09.969 --> 00:02:12.469
you're avoiding. Who is the person and what do
00:02:12.469 --> 00:02:15.620
you actually need to say? not the soft inversion,
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not the opening paragraph you're writing in your
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head to prove you're still a good person, and
00:02:21.379 --> 00:02:23.599
not the 12 supporting details you plan to use
00:02:23.599 --> 00:02:25.379
so there's absolutely no chance they can disagree
00:02:25.379 --> 00:02:28.759
with you. What is the truth in one sentence?
00:02:29.419 --> 00:02:31.639
Maybe it's the partnership is no longer working,
00:02:31.960 --> 00:02:34.840
or your performance is not meeting the expectations
00:02:34.840 --> 00:02:38.280
of this role, or I made a decision that you may
00:02:38.280 --> 00:02:41.120
not agree with. The one sentence matters because
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we often make the conversation harder. by trying
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to make the truth impossible to feel. We add
00:02:47.210 --> 00:02:49.909
so much context and apology and explanation that
00:02:49.909 --> 00:02:52.389
the other person cannot tell what we're actually
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saying. Is this feedback, a warning, a request,
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a final decision? You know what I'm talking about.
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Clarity is not cruelty. You do not have to say
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everything in one sentence, but you should know
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the point of the conversation in one sentence.
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So action item, write down the person's name
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and the one sentence you have been avoiding.
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Do not write the speech yet, just write the truth.
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Step two, make sure you've made the decision.
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Sometimes we avoid the conversation because we're
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scared. Other times we avoid it because we genuinely
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have not made the decision yet. Those are not
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the same problems. This is where Casey's head,
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heart, and gut framework is so useful. It separates
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the different inputs instead of letting them
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all swirl together in one giant feeling of, I
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don't know. So let's start with your head. What
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does the data say? Look at the facts, the numbers,
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the performance, the pattern, the history. Is
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the situation improving? Have expectations been
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clear? Have you already provided support or feedback
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along the way? Then look at the heart. Who is
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affected and what are you feeling? Who may be
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hurt? What relationship could change? Are you
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staying because of loyalty, guilt, fear, or maybe
00:04:03.159 --> 00:04:05.900
just responsibility? Or are you trying to protect
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someone from a feeling that they may need to
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experience? And then the gut. What do you know?
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Not what can you prove in a PowerPoint? Not what
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everybody else thinks you should do? When the
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noise quiets down, what do you already know?
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Casey's rule is that two of the three need to
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align and I love that because all three may never
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agree. Your head and gut may say it's time to
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leave while your heart is sad about what you're
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losing. The goal is not to eliminate every uncomfortable
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feeling. The goal is to understand whether the
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discomfort means the decision is wrong or simply
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that the decision has a cost. When I made my
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own career pivot, it was not because every part
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of me felt calm and certain. There was excitement,
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but there was also grief, fear, identity, and
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a lot of questions about what came next. A decision
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can be right and still feel heavy. Action item,
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create three columns, head, heart, gut. Answer
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each one separately. Then ask, where do two of
00:05:01.670 --> 00:05:05.149
the three align? Step three, notice what avoidance
00:05:05.149 --> 00:05:08.329
is costing you. Avoiding the conversation does
00:05:08.329 --> 00:05:11.129
not keep things neutral. It actually creates
00:05:11.129 --> 00:05:13.889
a cost. Maybe you keep doing work that belongs
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to someone else. Maybe your strongest team members
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are frustrated because an issue is not being
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addressed. Maybe you're losing sleep, replaying
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imaginary versions of the conversation. And maybe
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you're becoming resentful toward a person who
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does not even know they're the problem. And sometimes
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the person on the other side already knows something
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is off. They feel the tension. They notice the
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vague feedback. They just don't know what it
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means. Silence does not protect people. Sometimes
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it simply makes them anxious without giving them
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anything useful to respond to. This is also where
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busyness becomes a very convenient hiding place.
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We say, I have to take this on. I have to stay
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involved. I have to wait until things settle
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down. I have to get through this launch quarter
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busy season. But sometimes I have to really means
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I'm scared to say no. I'm scared to disappoint
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someone or look difficult or again have the conversation.
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Casey made the point that many things we describe
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as outside our control are actually choices we
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have continued making because of fear, expectation
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or other people's perceptions. This does not
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mean every responsibility magically disappears.
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It means we stop pretending we have no role in
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the pattern. Ask yourself, what am I continuing
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to do because it allows me to postpone the real
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issue? And what is the delay cost to me, the
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other person, and everyone around us? Action
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item here is name one cost of waiting, then identify
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one workaround or delay you can stop using as
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a cover. And step number four, prepare for the
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conversation, not every possible reaction. Now
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comes the part nobody enjoys. You have to have
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the conversation. But there's a difference between
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preparing and obsessing. Preparing means getting
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clear in your message. Obsessing means rehearsing
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every possible thing the other person could say
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and trying to build a response for all of it.
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That's impossible. Humans remain wildly committed
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to being unpredictable. Do not prepare alone.
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Call a mentor. Talk to a friend who's handled
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something similar. Ask a coach. Find the person
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who will help you get clearer and more direction,
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not the person who will help you avoid it for
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another three weeks. Before the conversation,
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manage your emotional state. Casey uses a two
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-minute rule. Give yourself a defined amount
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of time to feel angry, frustrated, hurt, overwhelmed,
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scared. It may literally be two minutes. It may
00:07:38.060 --> 00:07:41.149
be a day. The point is not to suppress the emotion.
00:07:41.490 --> 00:07:44.569
It's to keep the emotion from running the meeting.
00:07:45.449 --> 00:07:47.949
So get clear on four things. What is the decision
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or issue? What does the person need to understand?
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What happens next? And what is not up for debate?
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Then open directly. You might say, I want to
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be clear about why I asked to meet. I have decided
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X. Or I need to address something that is not
00:08:03.949 --> 00:08:05.870
working. I want to be clear about the change
00:08:05.870 --> 00:08:09.079
that needs to happen. Or even, this is difficult
00:08:09.079 --> 00:08:12.079
for me to say, but I do not want that difficulty
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to make me unclear. Then say the thing. You can
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provide context without burying the message.
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You can be compassionate without turning decision
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back into a group vote. You can listen without
00:08:23.879 --> 00:08:27.100
abandoning what you came to communicate. And
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here's the hardest part. They may not like it.
00:08:29.899 --> 00:08:32.120
They may be disappointed. They may disagree.
00:08:32.679 --> 00:08:35.840
They may need time. Your job is not to make sure
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they have no reaction. Your job is to communicate
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clearly, treat them fairly, and allow them their
00:08:42.100 --> 00:08:44.899
own time to respond. Emotional intelligence does
00:08:44.899 --> 00:08:46.960
not mean making sure nobody feels uncomfortable.
00:08:47.120 --> 00:08:50.059
It means recognizing your emotions, understanding
00:08:50.059 --> 00:08:52.799
theirs, and still staying grounded enough to
00:08:52.799 --> 00:08:55.799
communicate the truth. Action, write your opening
00:08:55.799 --> 00:08:58.159
two sentences, then put the meeting on the calendar
00:08:58.159 --> 00:09:02.080
before fear turns into another someday. That's
00:09:02.080 --> 00:09:04.580
the four -step process. Think about the one conversation
00:09:04.580 --> 00:09:07.440
sitting in the back of your mind right now. Name
00:09:07.440 --> 00:09:10.200
it. Run the decision through your head, heart
00:09:10.200 --> 00:09:13.679
and gut. Be honest about what the waiting is
00:09:13.679 --> 00:09:15.899
costing you. Prepare your opening, not every
00:09:15.899 --> 00:09:18.879
possible reaction, then set the meeting. Because
00:09:18.879 --> 00:09:21.039
the conversation is probably not going to become
00:09:21.039 --> 00:09:24.460
easier while you wait. And the goal is never
00:09:24.460 --> 00:09:27.000
to walk in without fear. The goal is to stop
00:09:27.000 --> 00:09:29.700
letting fear make the decision for you. There's
00:09:29.700 --> 00:09:32.559
a good chance the relief begins before the conversation
00:09:32.559 --> 00:09:35.639
is even over because you are no longer spending
00:09:35.639 --> 00:09:38.080
all of your energy carrying what has not been
00:09:38.080 --> 00:09:41.139
said. And trust me, I have one of these conversations
00:09:41.139 --> 00:09:43.259
sitting on my list too. So I'm not talking to
00:09:43.259 --> 00:09:45.360
you from the other side of perfect execution.
00:09:45.820 --> 00:09:48.580
I am right there with you. This week, find your
00:09:48.580 --> 00:09:50.659
conversation, write the sentence, set the meeting,
00:09:50.860 --> 00:09:54.179
and say what needs to be said. If you haven't
00:09:54.179 --> 00:09:56.200
listened to Casey's full episode, I strongly
00:09:56.200 --> 00:09:58.980
encourage you to do so. Until next time, stay
00:09:58.980 --> 00:10:00.220
loud and stay lifted.
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:03.200
Welcome to Loud and Lifted Quick Lift. I'm Betsy
00:00:03.200 --> 00:00:05.480
Hamm, and this is where we take the key takeaways
00:00:05.480 --> 00:00:07.459
from a full episode and turn it into something
00:00:07.459 --> 00:00:10.800
you can actually use this week. Today, we're
00:00:10.800 --> 00:00:13.119
pulling from a conversation with Casey D 'Amato
00:00:13.119 --> 00:00:15.679
about big decisions, emotional intelligence,
00:00:16.019 --> 00:00:18.519
outside pressure, and finding clarity when everything
00:00:18.519 --> 00:00:21.179
else feels loud. And there was one idea from
00:00:21.179 --> 00:00:23.940
that conversation that has stayed with me. Sometimes
00:00:23.940 --> 00:00:27.140
we're not stuck on the decision. We're avoiding
00:00:27.140 --> 00:00:30.780
the conversations that come after it. Annoying,
00:00:31.000 --> 00:00:33.920
right? Because we tell ourselves we need more
00:00:33.920 --> 00:00:36.280
information, more time, another meeting, a better
00:00:36.280 --> 00:00:38.679
plan, maybe one more spreadsheet, although personally,
00:00:38.679 --> 00:00:41.179
it's never the spreadsheet. But a lot of time,
00:00:41.259 --> 00:00:44.020
we already know the answer. We know the role
00:00:44.020 --> 00:00:46.020
is no longer working. We know the partnership
00:00:46.020 --> 00:00:48.920
has run its course. We know someone is not meeting
00:00:48.920 --> 00:00:51.439
our expectations, and we know that the workload
00:00:51.439 --> 00:00:54.700
is unsustainable. The decision may be uncomfortable,
00:00:54.700 --> 00:00:58.630
but it's not actually unclear. What feels unclear
00:00:58.630 --> 00:01:01.369
is everything that comes next. What will they
00:01:01.369 --> 00:01:03.810
say? Will they be angry, disappointed? Will they
00:01:03.810 --> 00:01:06.909
think I'm selfish, difficult, disloyal? Will
00:01:06.909 --> 00:01:08.689
they make it a whole thing? I mean, you know
00:01:08.689 --> 00:01:12.010
the type. So instead of having that conversation,
00:01:12.230 --> 00:01:16.090
we try to solve around it. We add another process,
00:01:16.510 --> 00:01:19.420
move responsibilities around. take on more ourselves,
00:01:19.819 --> 00:01:22.819
give one more chance without clearly saying it's
00:01:22.819 --> 00:01:25.379
the last chance. We wait for the perfect moment,
00:01:25.599 --> 00:01:28.180
which oddly enough never appears on the calendar.
00:01:29.260 --> 00:01:31.819
And this is where avoidance gets tricky because
00:01:31.819 --> 00:01:34.319
it can look a lot like leadership. We're working,
00:01:34.480 --> 00:01:36.620
we're problem solving, trying to protect the
00:01:36.620 --> 00:01:39.939
team, being thoughtful or patient. But are we
00:01:39.939 --> 00:01:42.640
leading the issue forward or are we just making
00:01:42.640 --> 00:01:44.620
ourselves busier so we don't have to deal with
00:01:44.620 --> 00:01:47.349
the part that feels so personal? I have done
00:01:47.349 --> 00:01:49.730
this. I have told myself I was waiting for more
00:01:49.730 --> 00:01:52.730
clarity. Deep down, what I was waiting for was
00:01:52.730 --> 00:01:55.629
the conversation to somehow become less uncomfortable.
00:01:56.209 --> 00:01:58.989
It never does, by the way. So let's make this
00:01:58.989 --> 00:02:01.590
practical. Four steps to get out of the loop
00:02:01.590 --> 00:02:04.030
and move toward the conversation you already
00:02:04.030 --> 00:02:07.329
know you need to have. Number one, name the conversation.
00:02:07.629 --> 00:02:09.969
Before you solve anything, name the conversation
00:02:09.969 --> 00:02:12.469
you're avoiding. Who is the person and what do
00:02:12.469 --> 00:02:15.620
you actually need to say? not the soft inversion,
00:02:16.020 --> 00:02:18.439
not the opening paragraph you're writing in your
00:02:18.439 --> 00:02:21.379
head to prove you're still a good person, and
00:02:21.379 --> 00:02:23.599
not the 12 supporting details you plan to use
00:02:23.599 --> 00:02:25.379
so there's absolutely no chance they can disagree
00:02:25.379 --> 00:02:28.759
with you. What is the truth in one sentence?
00:02:29.419 --> 00:02:31.639
Maybe it's the partnership is no longer working,
00:02:31.960 --> 00:02:34.840
or your performance is not meeting the expectations
00:02:34.840 --> 00:02:38.280
of this role, or I made a decision that you may
00:02:38.280 --> 00:02:41.120
not agree with. The one sentence matters because
00:02:41.120 --> 00:02:43.870
we often make the conversation harder. by trying
00:02:43.870 --> 00:02:47.210
to make the truth impossible to feel. We add
00:02:47.210 --> 00:02:49.909
so much context and apology and explanation that
00:02:49.909 --> 00:02:52.389
the other person cannot tell what we're actually
00:02:52.389 --> 00:02:56.030
saying. Is this feedback, a warning, a request,
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a final decision? You know what I'm talking about.
00:02:59.710 --> 00:03:02.550
Clarity is not cruelty. You do not have to say
00:03:02.550 --> 00:03:04.469
everything in one sentence, but you should know
00:03:04.469 --> 00:03:07.069
the point of the conversation in one sentence.
00:03:08.009 --> 00:03:09.990
So action item, write down the person's name
00:03:09.990 --> 00:03:12.449
and the one sentence you have been avoiding.
00:03:12.599 --> 00:03:15.699
Do not write the speech yet, just write the truth.
00:03:16.180 --> 00:03:18.560
Step two, make sure you've made the decision.
00:03:19.080 --> 00:03:21.439
Sometimes we avoid the conversation because we're
00:03:21.439 --> 00:03:24.340
scared. Other times we avoid it because we genuinely
00:03:24.340 --> 00:03:26.879
have not made the decision yet. Those are not
00:03:26.879 --> 00:03:29.800
the same problems. This is where Casey's head,
00:03:29.960 --> 00:03:33.000
heart, and gut framework is so useful. It separates
00:03:33.000 --> 00:03:34.979
the different inputs instead of letting them
00:03:34.979 --> 00:03:37.520
all swirl together in one giant feeling of, I
00:03:37.520 --> 00:03:40.039
don't know. So let's start with your head. What
00:03:40.039 --> 00:03:42.840
does the data say? Look at the facts, the numbers,
00:03:43.000 --> 00:03:45.560
the performance, the pattern, the history. Is
00:03:45.560 --> 00:03:48.000
the situation improving? Have expectations been
00:03:48.000 --> 00:03:51.020
clear? Have you already provided support or feedback
00:03:51.020 --> 00:03:54.719
along the way? Then look at the heart. Who is
00:03:54.719 --> 00:03:57.460
affected and what are you feeling? Who may be
00:03:57.460 --> 00:04:00.099
hurt? What relationship could change? Are you
00:04:00.099 --> 00:04:03.159
staying because of loyalty, guilt, fear, or maybe
00:04:03.159 --> 00:04:05.900
just responsibility? Or are you trying to protect
00:04:05.900 --> 00:04:08.159
someone from a feeling that they may need to
00:04:08.159 --> 00:04:10.659
experience? And then the gut. What do you know?
00:04:10.860 --> 00:04:13.520
Not what can you prove in a PowerPoint? Not what
00:04:13.520 --> 00:04:16.439
everybody else thinks you should do? When the
00:04:16.439 --> 00:04:19.339
noise quiets down, what do you already know?
00:04:20.139 --> 00:04:22.180
Casey's rule is that two of the three need to
00:04:22.180 --> 00:04:24.560
align and I love that because all three may never
00:04:24.560 --> 00:04:27.279
agree. Your head and gut may say it's time to
00:04:27.279 --> 00:04:29.459
leave while your heart is sad about what you're
00:04:29.459 --> 00:04:32.360
losing. The goal is not to eliminate every uncomfortable
00:04:32.360 --> 00:04:34.759
feeling. The goal is to understand whether the
00:04:34.759 --> 00:04:37.639
discomfort means the decision is wrong or simply
00:04:37.639 --> 00:04:40.490
that the decision has a cost. When I made my
00:04:40.490 --> 00:04:42.470
own career pivot, it was not because every part
00:04:42.470 --> 00:04:45.209
of me felt calm and certain. There was excitement,
00:04:45.610 --> 00:04:48.490
but there was also grief, fear, identity, and
00:04:48.490 --> 00:04:51.189
a lot of questions about what came next. A decision
00:04:51.189 --> 00:04:55.310
can be right and still feel heavy. Action item,
00:04:55.529 --> 00:04:58.589
create three columns, head, heart, gut. Answer
00:04:58.589 --> 00:05:01.670
each one separately. Then ask, where do two of
00:05:01.670 --> 00:05:05.149
the three align? Step three, notice what avoidance
00:05:05.149 --> 00:05:08.329
is costing you. Avoiding the conversation does
00:05:08.329 --> 00:05:11.129
not keep things neutral. It actually creates
00:05:11.129 --> 00:05:13.889
a cost. Maybe you keep doing work that belongs
00:05:13.889 --> 00:05:16.389
to someone else. Maybe your strongest team members
00:05:16.389 --> 00:05:18.810
are frustrated because an issue is not being
00:05:18.810 --> 00:05:22.170
addressed. Maybe you're losing sleep, replaying
00:05:22.170 --> 00:05:24.490
imaginary versions of the conversation. And maybe
00:05:24.490 --> 00:05:26.410
you're becoming resentful toward a person who
00:05:26.410 --> 00:05:29.470
does not even know they're the problem. And sometimes
00:05:29.470 --> 00:05:31.829
the person on the other side already knows something
00:05:31.829 --> 00:05:34.250
is off. They feel the tension. They notice the
00:05:34.250 --> 00:05:36.610
vague feedback. They just don't know what it
00:05:36.610 --> 00:05:40.430
means. Silence does not protect people. Sometimes
00:05:40.430 --> 00:05:43.209
it simply makes them anxious without giving them
00:05:43.209 --> 00:05:46.329
anything useful to respond to. This is also where
00:05:46.329 --> 00:05:49.230
busyness becomes a very convenient hiding place.
00:05:49.509 --> 00:05:52.050
We say, I have to take this on. I have to stay
00:05:52.050 --> 00:05:53.689
involved. I have to wait until things settle
00:05:53.689 --> 00:05:56.410
down. I have to get through this launch quarter
00:05:56.410 --> 00:06:00.769
busy season. But sometimes I have to really means
00:06:00.769 --> 00:06:03.540
I'm scared to say no. I'm scared to disappoint
00:06:03.540 --> 00:06:06.860
someone or look difficult or again have the conversation.
00:06:07.439 --> 00:06:09.720
Casey made the point that many things we describe
00:06:09.720 --> 00:06:12.800
as outside our control are actually choices we
00:06:12.800 --> 00:06:15.959
have continued making because of fear, expectation
00:06:15.959 --> 00:06:18.939
or other people's perceptions. This does not
00:06:18.939 --> 00:06:21.360
mean every responsibility magically disappears.
00:06:21.579 --> 00:06:24.519
It means we stop pretending we have no role in
00:06:24.519 --> 00:06:27.180
the pattern. Ask yourself, what am I continuing
00:06:27.180 --> 00:06:29.839
to do because it allows me to postpone the real
00:06:29.839 --> 00:06:33.199
issue? And what is the delay cost to me, the
00:06:33.199 --> 00:06:36.420
other person, and everyone around us? Action
00:06:36.420 --> 00:06:40.000
item here is name one cost of waiting, then identify
00:06:40.000 --> 00:06:43.180
one workaround or delay you can stop using as
00:06:43.180 --> 00:06:46.040
a cover. And step number four, prepare for the
00:06:46.040 --> 00:06:49.500
conversation, not every possible reaction. Now
00:06:49.500 --> 00:06:52.120
comes the part nobody enjoys. You have to have
00:06:52.120 --> 00:06:55.189
the conversation. But there's a difference between
00:06:55.189 --> 00:06:58.509
preparing and obsessing. Preparing means getting
00:06:58.509 --> 00:07:01.470
clear in your message. Obsessing means rehearsing
00:07:01.470 --> 00:07:03.810
every possible thing the other person could say
00:07:03.810 --> 00:07:06.170
and trying to build a response for all of it.
00:07:06.509 --> 00:07:09.750
That's impossible. Humans remain wildly committed
00:07:09.750 --> 00:07:12.819
to being unpredictable. Do not prepare alone.
00:07:13.000 --> 00:07:15.040
Call a mentor. Talk to a friend who's handled
00:07:15.040 --> 00:07:17.920
something similar. Ask a coach. Find the person
00:07:17.920 --> 00:07:20.579
who will help you get clearer and more direction,
00:07:21.180 --> 00:07:22.939
not the person who will help you avoid it for
00:07:22.939 --> 00:07:25.620
another three weeks. Before the conversation,
00:07:25.819 --> 00:07:28.980
manage your emotional state. Casey uses a two
00:07:28.980 --> 00:07:31.220
-minute rule. Give yourself a defined amount
00:07:31.220 --> 00:07:34.899
of time to feel angry, frustrated, hurt, overwhelmed,
00:07:35.199 --> 00:07:38.060
scared. It may literally be two minutes. It may
00:07:38.060 --> 00:07:41.149
be a day. The point is not to suppress the emotion.
00:07:41.490 --> 00:07:44.569
It's to keep the emotion from running the meeting.
00:07:45.449 --> 00:07:47.949
So get clear on four things. What is the decision
00:07:47.949 --> 00:07:50.490
or issue? What does the person need to understand?
00:07:50.730 --> 00:07:53.509
What happens next? And what is not up for debate?
00:07:54.389 --> 00:07:56.850
Then open directly. You might say, I want to
00:07:56.850 --> 00:08:00.290
be clear about why I asked to meet. I have decided
00:08:00.290 --> 00:08:03.949
X. Or I need to address something that is not
00:08:03.949 --> 00:08:05.870
working. I want to be clear about the change
00:08:05.870 --> 00:08:09.079
that needs to happen. Or even, this is difficult
00:08:09.079 --> 00:08:12.079
for me to say, but I do not want that difficulty
00:08:12.079 --> 00:08:15.959
to make me unclear. Then say the thing. You can
00:08:15.959 --> 00:08:18.420
provide context without burying the message.
00:08:18.699 --> 00:08:21.319
You can be compassionate without turning decision
00:08:21.319 --> 00:08:23.879
back into a group vote. You can listen without
00:08:23.879 --> 00:08:27.100
abandoning what you came to communicate. And
00:08:27.100 --> 00:08:29.699
here's the hardest part. They may not like it.
00:08:29.899 --> 00:08:32.120
They may be disappointed. They may disagree.
00:08:32.679 --> 00:08:35.840
They may need time. Your job is not to make sure
00:08:35.840 --> 00:08:38.679
they have no reaction. Your job is to communicate
00:08:38.679 --> 00:08:42.100
clearly, treat them fairly, and allow them their
00:08:42.100 --> 00:08:44.899
own time to respond. Emotional intelligence does
00:08:44.899 --> 00:08:46.960
not mean making sure nobody feels uncomfortable.
00:08:47.120 --> 00:08:50.059
It means recognizing your emotions, understanding
00:08:50.059 --> 00:08:52.799
theirs, and still staying grounded enough to
00:08:52.799 --> 00:08:55.799
communicate the truth. Action, write your opening
00:08:55.799 --> 00:08:58.159
two sentences, then put the meeting on the calendar
00:08:58.159 --> 00:09:02.080
before fear turns into another someday. That's
00:09:02.080 --> 00:09:04.580
the four -step process. Think about the one conversation
00:09:04.580 --> 00:09:07.440
sitting in the back of your mind right now. Name
00:09:07.440 --> 00:09:10.200
it. Run the decision through your head, heart
00:09:10.200 --> 00:09:13.679
and gut. Be honest about what the waiting is
00:09:13.679 --> 00:09:15.899
costing you. Prepare your opening, not every
00:09:15.899 --> 00:09:18.879
possible reaction, then set the meeting. Because
00:09:18.879 --> 00:09:21.039
the conversation is probably not going to become
00:09:21.039 --> 00:09:24.460
easier while you wait. And the goal is never
00:09:24.460 --> 00:09:27.000
to walk in without fear. The goal is to stop
00:09:27.000 --> 00:09:29.700
letting fear make the decision for you. There's
00:09:29.700 --> 00:09:32.559
a good chance the relief begins before the conversation
00:09:32.559 --> 00:09:35.639
is even over because you are no longer spending
00:09:35.639 --> 00:09:38.080
all of your energy carrying what has not been
00:09:38.080 --> 00:09:41.139
said. And trust me, I have one of these conversations
00:09:41.139 --> 00:09:43.259
sitting on my list too. So I'm not talking to
00:09:43.259 --> 00:09:45.360
you from the other side of perfect execution.
00:09:45.820 --> 00:09:48.580
I am right there with you. This week, find your
00:09:48.580 --> 00:09:50.659
conversation, write the sentence, set the meeting,
00:09:50.860 --> 00:09:54.179
and say what needs to be said. If you haven't
00:09:54.179 --> 00:09:56.200
listened to Casey's full episode, I strongly
00:09:56.200 --> 00:09:58.980
encourage you to do so. Until next time, stay
00:09:58.980 --> 00:10:00.220
loud and stay lifted.