The Decision Isn’t the Problem. It’s the Conversation That Comes Next.
Most of us don't actually have a decision problem — we have an avoidance problem. There's one conversation, with one person, that we keep dodging, and it's the reason we're spinning our wheels.
This week, Betsy sits down with Kasey D'Amato — a physician assistant turned founder who built and exited a company that went global, and now advises CEOs and executive teams on the big calls: pivots, partnerships, hiring, firing, exits.
What you'll take away:
- The head, heart, gut test for making a decision when the data says one thing and your gut says another — and why two of the three have to align before you move
- The Polaris Point method: how to set a three-year goal and reverse-engineer it back to what you do in the next 90 days
- The two-minute rule for not making decisions out of anger
- Why most of the "outside pressure" you're drowning in is actually within your control
- The single first move to make if you're feeling stuck right now
Plus what alone time taught Kasey about saying no.
Kasey's free Decision Diagnosis tool is linked in the show notes.
Links
WEBVTT
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Sometimes the hardest decisions aren't hard because
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we don't know what to do. They're hard because
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we know exactly what needs to happen and we don't
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want to deal with the conversation, the reaction,
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or the fallout that may come next. In this episode,
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I'm talking with Casey Diamanto about how to
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make clear decisions without getting pulled off
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course by fear, outside pressure, or emotion.
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We get into her head, heart, and gut framework.
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How to identify your Polaris point. What distraction
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is often a sign that you're avoiding something
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important and how to move forward without losing
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yourself in the process. Casey has a really practical
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way of helping people get out of the spin cycle
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and back into action. And honestly, there are
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several moments in this conversation where I
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found myself thinking about decisions I needed
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to make in my own life. So let's get into it.
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Welcome to Loud and Lifted. Casey, thank you
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so much for being here. Thanks for having me.
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Yes. So we have a big discussion today because
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we're going to talk about decision making and
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not like a corporate spreadsheet kind of way,
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but just how big decisions are made. It's something
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that I think we take for granted, right? We do.
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We make decisions every day, sometimes small
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and sometimes large. But what you focus on are
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those big business decisions and helping people.
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So when leaders come to you with a business decision,
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what's usually underneath it? We all face so
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many decisions every day and we have decision
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fatigue. When the big decisions face us in business
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and in life, we sometimes either freeze or we
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react or we overthink because we have... data,
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we have emotions, we have our gut reaction, and
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all of it is muddying the waters for what is
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the best next step. And you know, we're thinking
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about big decisions. A lot of people will ask
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me, what are you talking about? Business, this
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might be a massive change. If you're a business
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owner, this could be a pivot this could be a
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partnership this could be considering an exit
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or an expansion it could be hiring or firing
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if you're a manager this also could be hiring
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or firing could also be making a pivot or change
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so it's you know no matter what level you're
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at whether you're in management or you're a founder
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you're facing these big decisions that impact
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your professional journey, your business, your
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career, but also impacting your personal journey.
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And so all of the human element, the human emotions,
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the emotional intelligence muddy the waters.
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There's lots of fear that we don't even recognize.
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mixed in with making a data -driven decision.
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And so how do we align both of those things?
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Because it's not about the data alone and it's
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not about the emotions alone or our gut reaction.
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It's how do we balance all three? Well, it's
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funny that you say that because I was thinking,
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you know, there's some people who are like, I
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just decide with my gut. I just go with it. I
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do what I feel and I'm going. And then there's
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other people who I can think of who are, this
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is clearly not me, super over analytical and
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do need the spreadsheet, need the pros and cons
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list and, you know, have 50 conversations about
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it. And I'm sure it's somewhere in the middle,
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right? So how do we get to that middle spot where
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we're not just completely going on our gut, but
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we're also not like... What do you call it? Paralysis
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analysis. Exactly. So I call it the head, heart,
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gut theory. And so the way that I think about
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this is all people have versions of this, but
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I think about the head part when we're looking
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at the data, we're looking at historical data.
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So whatever decision we're facing, let's say
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we're thinking about making a major change with
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our business or our career, right? So we have
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to look at some numbers there. So we're looking
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at revenue or maybe your salary or bonuses, things
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like that. You're looking at historically, have
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things been growing? over the last three years.
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If yes, then that's a good thing if finances
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are your goal. But if no, then it's time to make
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some change, right? So I take the people, imagine
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that you are not in your same setting in your
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business or your career. You are in a new environment
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with people you do not know. You're only looking
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at the data at this point. So you visualize yourself.
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without any of the human beings around you that
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normally are around you, because we're all influenced
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by the people that are around us the most. So
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when you look at the data part, visualize that
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you're someplace with nobody that you know, entirely
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new business, new career, new people, looking
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historically, and then you're thinking about
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your future goals from a data standpoint. Are
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you on track historically to then hit these future
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goals? Again, with all new people, nothing to
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do with people that are around you right now,
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only the data. And so you look at, you do this
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analysis first. If you're a spreadsheet person,
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I mean, even if you're not, you force yourself
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to think about the data. Imagine you are not
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around any of your coworkers, any of your employees,
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any of your team, even your family. You are alone
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in an entirely new professional journey, looking
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at only data. That's step one. Step two, reverse
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that. We're not talking about data. We're talking
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about just the people around us and we're thinking
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who is influencing this decision? What am I feeling
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good or bad about? Who is going to be impacted?
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What am I afraid of hurting someone's feelings
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or having to let someone go or not being around
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these people that I care about or worked with
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for so long? We're not thinking about data at
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all. We're just thinking about the people and
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we're making a list of people like if I make
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this decision. Who am I going to feel sad that
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I'm going to not be around? Or who am I going
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to feel happy that I'm not going to be around,
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right? And we're analyzing that. And then our
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last question is, regardless of what the data
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shows, regardless of the people, now we visualize
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again, we're someplace that we're not around
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the people that we know. The numbers don't really
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matter. What's our gut instinct? What just brings
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us joy? What's just the thing that we know instinctually
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we want to do? It's irrelevant of what the data
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says. That might say one thing, but our gut says
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another. The people around us might be influencing
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us in a certain way, but our gut says another.
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So the head, heart, gut, two of the three need
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to be in alignment for the decision to be the
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right decision for you. And that's how I approach
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major decisions in a very summarized version
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of that process. Sometimes I do it in a whole
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single strategy day with clients, but in a short
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two -minute summary, that is the basic concept
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of what we work through when we're making a big
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decision. I love that head, heart, gut. So that
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goes back to not being at one end of the spectrum
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or the other, but you're at all three, essentially.
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All three, each other and like really work it
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out. So, I mean, again, sometimes I do this in
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a full day workshop with a founder or partners,
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but you really work it out and you look at one
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completely separate than the other. As soon as
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they start to, you're running numbers and you're
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like, but this person said, but it's going to
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impact this person. Nope, no, we're in a whole
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new business. We're visualizing a new business,
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a new career, a new role. We don't know anybody
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here. So. There's no people that can influence
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more looking at the data part or looking at the
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people part. We're not talking about numbers.
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We're just talking about the human beings and
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how we feel and how they feel. No, that's great.
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And it's funny, the last year I've been working
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with founder CEOs with their companies and helping
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them grow. And what's been interesting is coming
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with that outside perspective, I come in with
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the the data, right? Like I'm thinking with my
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head and when we're talking about teams or structure
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or making decisions, I will upfront say them
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like, look, I'm not emotionally attached to your
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brand, your team. I'm telling you by everything
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I've seen and read and looked through, like this
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is a decision. So it's interesting because I
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try to at least be aware that, you know, there's
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a human, there's a heart piece to this because
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I've been on the other side of those conversations.
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But, you know, it's hard. You see the leadership
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team sitting there and being like, Okay, I know
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this might be the right thing, but like trying
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to get to that and make them feel good about
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it, right? Our decision, it's their company,
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but understanding why you're getting there is
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super important. So the other piece of that that
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I would think would come up is how often do you
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see that leaders aren't focused on the right
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problem? Like they're trying to work around it
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because maybe it is a big decision or they're
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trying to fix symptoms. So, you know, they want
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to hire more people or launch a new initiative
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sales are down, you know, whatever it is. How
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do you get people to even see the right problem
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they should be focused on? Yeah, that's a great
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question. So You know, I, like you, I work with
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founders and CEOs a lot and executive teams.
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The first thing we do is we identify the Polaris
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point. So what is the end goal? The Polaris point
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is that North star. It is that end goal of what
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we're working towards. And then we reverse engineer.
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So the end goal is we usually set it in about
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three years into the future. So where do we want
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to be in three years in the future? This is financially.
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This is time, freedom, whatever that means for
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you. This is your relationships and your quality
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of life, right? So we look at all these three
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things in the business and personally three years
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in the future. And then we reverse engineer what
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do we need to do in the next 90 days? So we back
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it up to what do we need to do this year? Then
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all the way back to what do we do in the next
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90 days? So when we do that, we're making sure
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that the decisions that we're making today actually
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are taking us that just one step closer to what
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the three -year target is. And we're not getting
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distracted by a decision that is in left field
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that we think is the most important right now.
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We come back, I call it zooming out the telescope
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methods. We zoom out with the telescope so we
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can see the whole map. We say, okay, whoa, whoa,
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whoa, we're going down this rabbit hole to make
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this one decision, but is this decision taking
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us one step closer? If we're looking at a board
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game, are we on one step closer? box closer to
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that three -year pull hours point goal, or is
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this a distraction that's taking us into left
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field? Is this a pivot that we want to intentionally
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make? Sometimes it is. As long as we're intentionally
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making that, we're saying, you know what? This
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is actually going to slow us down or this is
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going to distract for a period of time, but it
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is worth it for these other reasons. We're going
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to accept the fact that this is going to maybe
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delay that three -year goal a little bit longer
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because this other initiative is important, but
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being really intentional so that we're not being
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distracted. We're not making decisions because
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we're running away from a hard conversation that
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we don't want to have, which is 99 % of the time.
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What happens with these distractions is we're
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just not facing the thing that is the most critical,
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the hard conversation, the one, literally one
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conversation that needs to be had, but it's uncomfortable.
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It's with a person that we don't want to have
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it with for a variety of reasons. Maybe it's
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somebody that we're very close to. We don't want
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to hurt them or they're very loyal or we had
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a long relationship or maybe it's someone that
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is the opposite. There's a little bit confrontational
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and there's friction. We don't want to stir the
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pot and get them worked up. Either way, there's
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typically a conversation with a person that is
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uncomfortable that we're avoiding. And so we're
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focusing on this other distracting decision.
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that is not going to get us closer to the Polaris
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point. And at the end of the day, we're just
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going to have to have that conversation if we
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want to reach our goals. Otherwise we're going
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to be in the same place next year as we are today,
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still spinning our wheels. Oh, that's so true.
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And it's that workaround, right? Like it doesn't
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work. Maybe it works for a week or two, but it's
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not a long -term strategy. And you're speaking
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my language, talking about the bigger goals and
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having like, I call them quarterly rocks that
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like tie into those bigger goals. It can be really
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overwhelming when you look at your business and
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like, wow, we're not where we're at from a sales
00:11:30.549 --> 00:11:33.389
perspective or whatever that goal is. And then
00:11:33.389 --> 00:11:36.779
you start throwing everything at it. nothing
00:11:36.779 --> 00:11:39.259
actually moves. So knowing where you're trying
00:11:39.259 --> 00:11:41.620
to go, but it's like those baby steps to get
00:11:41.620 --> 00:11:48.299
there and keep people focused. So how does emotional
00:11:48.299 --> 00:11:52.539
intelligence relate to decision making? So emotional
00:11:52.539 --> 00:11:54.299
intelligence is what I'm really passionate about.
00:11:54.480 --> 00:11:57.320
So my background, I come from a medical background,
00:11:57.419 --> 00:11:59.919
a medical degree. I went to medical school at
00:11:59.919 --> 00:12:02.679
USC and became a physician assistant. My minor
00:12:02.679 --> 00:12:06.019
was psych and I practiced medicine for 20 years
00:12:06.019 --> 00:12:08.539
before I started my entrepreneur journey. And
00:12:08.539 --> 00:12:10.559
I've started three businesses. One of them I
00:12:10.559 --> 00:12:14.049
took on a global scale and The human behavior
00:12:14.049 --> 00:12:17.149
of emotional intelligence has been very fascinating.
00:12:17.149 --> 00:12:19.889
As I look back at my trajectory now, I've made
00:12:19.889 --> 00:12:22.149
an exit from that business. Um, and I mostly
00:12:22.149 --> 00:12:25.370
consult advise, um, for other founders and their
00:12:25.370 --> 00:12:28.009
teams now. And most people think that emotional
00:12:28.009 --> 00:12:30.490
intelligence is just managing your own emotions.
00:12:30.549 --> 00:12:33.629
Like I'm not going to overreact in this circumstance.
00:12:33.789 --> 00:12:36.889
And while that is important in that sort of step
00:12:36.889 --> 00:12:39.649
one. there's really four quadrants to emotional
00:12:39.649 --> 00:12:42.110
intelligence. So the first one is you're recognizing
00:12:42.110 --> 00:12:44.250
your emotional state. And people are like, well,
00:12:44.250 --> 00:12:45.970
what does that mean? Well, you're waking up in
00:12:45.970 --> 00:12:48.470
the morning, you're either feeling good about
00:12:48.470 --> 00:12:51.049
today or you're feeling, I call it heavy about
00:12:51.049 --> 00:12:53.590
today. Heavy means you're stressed, you're overwhelmed,
00:12:53.710 --> 00:12:55.570
you're burning out, you're frustrated, you're
00:12:55.570 --> 00:12:58.730
annoyed, you're angry. Any of those negative
00:12:58.730 --> 00:13:01.789
emotions are on the left -hand column. So you're
00:13:01.789 --> 00:13:04.419
just feeling. Like, this is not going to be the
00:13:04.419 --> 00:13:06.460
greatest day when you wake up. The other side,
00:13:06.620 --> 00:13:08.200
you're feeling like, I'm excited about today.
00:13:08.299 --> 00:13:10.899
I'm joyful. I'm energized. I'm feeling good.
00:13:11.419 --> 00:13:13.700
You know, something's happening that is making
00:13:13.700 --> 00:13:16.659
me feel light. And when we're excited, our whole
00:13:16.659 --> 00:13:19.519
body language changes. We sit up a little taller,
00:13:19.519 --> 00:13:21.559
right? And we're dreading our day. We're a little
00:13:21.559 --> 00:13:24.379
more hunched over. We actually, our physiology
00:13:24.379 --> 00:13:26.720
actually changes depending on our emotional state.
00:13:27.000 --> 00:13:30.360
So step one is recognizing, are you in a positive
00:13:30.360 --> 00:13:32.480
or negative state today? Fill in all those sub
00:13:32.480 --> 00:13:34.379
words into what they are and just put them into
00:13:34.379 --> 00:13:36.720
one or the other. Then how do you change your
00:13:36.720 --> 00:13:38.700
negative state into a positive state? If you're
00:13:38.700 --> 00:13:41.100
feeling that, what are you doing to get yourself
00:13:41.100 --> 00:13:43.360
positive? Because if you're feeling frustrated,
00:13:43.600 --> 00:13:45.919
overwhelmed, annoyed, angry, any of those negative,
00:13:46.299 --> 00:13:49.480
you will be slower. and you will tend to react
00:13:49.480 --> 00:13:52.639
in ways that are not the best for your business
00:13:52.639 --> 00:13:55.279
or your life. So first is recognize your emotion.
00:13:55.539 --> 00:13:57.899
Second is how do you change your emotional state
00:13:57.899 --> 00:14:00.860
so that you can move faster? The third is how
00:14:00.860 --> 00:14:03.059
do you recognize other people on your professional
00:14:03.059 --> 00:14:06.100
teams or your family, their state, and how do
00:14:06.100 --> 00:14:08.879
you impact and influence their state of mind
00:14:08.879 --> 00:14:12.399
because they will move faster. So when we're
00:14:12.399 --> 00:14:15.700
in a positive, emotional intelligence state,
00:14:15.720 --> 00:14:19.340
we are feeling good. We can walk into the hardest
00:14:19.340 --> 00:14:22.600
conversations, the most complex negotiations,
00:14:23.200 --> 00:14:26.080
the most critical decisions that we have to make.
00:14:26.320 --> 00:14:29.259
And we know we are addressing those decisions
00:14:29.259 --> 00:14:31.159
objectively. We're using the head, heart and
00:14:31.159 --> 00:14:33.440
gut. We're using the Polaris point. We're going
00:14:33.440 --> 00:14:36.299
to come out with what I call diplomatic influence.
00:14:36.559 --> 00:14:39.139
That's what I call with emotional intelligence
00:14:39.139 --> 00:14:41.740
way of number four, when we're influencing other
00:14:41.740 --> 00:14:44.480
people, we're being fair. We're communicating
00:14:44.480 --> 00:14:47.200
so people are not in the dark. We're sharing,
00:14:47.679 --> 00:14:49.679
okay, we're making this decision because this
00:14:49.679 --> 00:14:53.750
is the best for You and for the business or you
00:14:53.750 --> 00:14:56.509
and for me, this is a win win in the best way
00:14:56.509 --> 00:15:00.389
that I can see it be for everybody. And I know
00:15:00.389 --> 00:15:02.269
your personal goals are this and your professional
00:15:02.269 --> 00:15:04.330
goals are this. And I think this is going to
00:15:04.330 --> 00:15:06.769
be most aligned, even if that means parting ways
00:15:06.769 --> 00:15:09.389
with the other person, even if this is a termination
00:15:09.389 --> 00:15:12.950
conversation or a partnership dissolving conversation.
00:15:13.419 --> 00:15:15.960
you're still presenting this as a win -win so
00:15:15.960 --> 00:15:18.039
that everybody is feeling good so we can move
00:15:18.039 --> 00:15:21.120
fast and get to the next chapter and move on
00:15:21.120 --> 00:15:23.779
from this conversation and not get stuck in this
00:15:23.779 --> 00:15:27.120
indecision or in personal conflict as part of
00:15:27.120 --> 00:15:29.940
the decision. So emotional intelligence is really
00:15:29.940 --> 00:15:32.639
about... recognizing your own state. If you're
00:15:32.639 --> 00:15:34.919
having a terrible, horrible day, we know the
00:15:34.919 --> 00:15:36.519
book, what we read with a kid, I can't remember.
00:15:37.100 --> 00:15:39.580
Alexander. Yes, Alexander. Yes, have a terrible,
00:15:39.580 --> 00:15:41.659
horrible day. I call it the two minute rule.
00:15:41.879 --> 00:15:44.299
Give yourself a timeframe of how long you want
00:15:44.299 --> 00:15:48.440
to feel. Like I'm so flipping mad about this
00:15:48.440 --> 00:15:50.659
circumstance. Like I want to kill somebody right
00:15:50.659 --> 00:15:52.759
now. I can't believe this person did this to
00:15:52.759 --> 00:15:55.039
me. We're human. We're going to feel this. So
00:15:55.039 --> 00:15:57.919
give yourself a time frame. I call it two minutes.
00:15:58.019 --> 00:16:00.779
Um, when I was a little kid, I had a temper tantrum
00:16:00.779 --> 00:16:02.399
and I wasn't playing my friends and my parents
00:16:02.399 --> 00:16:03.779
said, how long do you want to have a tantrum
00:16:03.779 --> 00:16:06.559
and not play? And I said, two more minutes. And
00:16:06.559 --> 00:16:09.100
I went in the corner and I composed myself and
00:16:09.100 --> 00:16:12.220
I came back and went to play. So I chose how
00:16:12.220 --> 00:16:16.019
long I wanted to. be miserable and not have fun.
00:16:16.399 --> 00:16:18.340
And so as an adult, we can do the same. Like
00:16:18.340 --> 00:16:21.179
this thing happened. This partnership is falling
00:16:21.179 --> 00:16:24.419
apart. There is a lawsuit. Like something is
00:16:24.419 --> 00:16:27.620
not good, right? And it's external and we can't
00:16:27.620 --> 00:16:29.460
control it, but we can control our emotional
00:16:29.460 --> 00:16:32.340
reaction to it. So how long do I want to feel
00:16:32.340 --> 00:16:34.340
horrible about this before I want to feel like
00:16:34.340 --> 00:16:37.879
I'm in control? I have confidence. I have clarity.
00:16:38.179 --> 00:16:41.059
I'm not necessarily joyful, but I am feeling
00:16:41.059 --> 00:16:43.740
like I can make decisions that are not out of
00:16:43.740 --> 00:16:46.279
fear and out of a negative state and then start
00:16:46.279 --> 00:16:51.299
to impact others in that process. Long response
00:16:51.299 --> 00:16:53.559
to emotional intelligence. I speak on this at
00:16:53.559 --> 00:16:56.139
keynotes all the time, but there's so many different
00:16:56.139 --> 00:16:58.360
facets of how emotional intelligence impacts
00:16:58.360 --> 00:17:01.240
decisions. The first is recognizing our emotional
00:17:01.240 --> 00:17:03.480
state, getting control of it, and then starting
00:17:03.480 --> 00:17:06.579
to understand how we can impact others. With
00:17:06.579 --> 00:17:09.839
diplomatic influence is really the critical piece
00:17:09.839 --> 00:17:13.099
of emotional intelligence in a professional setting.
00:17:13.500 --> 00:17:16.299
Because we are human and we have emotions. They're
00:17:16.299 --> 00:17:18.940
going to impact our decisions It's just are we
00:17:18.940 --> 00:17:22.460
aware of when and how they're impacting our decisions.
00:17:22.779 --> 00:17:26.039
That is the most interesting explanation of emotional
00:17:26.039 --> 00:17:28.079
intelligence I've ever heard because I feel like
00:17:28.079 --> 00:17:30.059
we throw that word out there a lot Especially
00:17:30.059 --> 00:17:31.660
we're talking about somebody who wants to be
00:17:31.660 --> 00:17:33.539
in leadership. Do they have the emotional intelligence?
00:17:33.539 --> 00:17:35.619
We throw that out there, but it's always about
00:17:35.619 --> 00:17:38.619
being aware of other people's feelings and how
00:17:38.619 --> 00:17:40.039
they're going to respond. I've never thought
00:17:40.039 --> 00:17:42.559
about it with like yourself. And that's huge.
00:17:42.599 --> 00:17:45.779
That's such an important part. So I love that.
00:17:45.799 --> 00:17:48.640
And the diplomatic influence. That's great. Yes.
00:17:49.160 --> 00:17:51.099
Yes. And I also am a big fan of the two minute
00:17:51.099 --> 00:17:52.559
because there was times where like, okay, before
00:17:52.559 --> 00:17:54.740
I respond to this email or before I pick up the
00:17:54.740 --> 00:17:58.259
phone, like I need to just walk away and get
00:17:58.259 --> 00:18:01.119
a little clarity. Exactly. Exactly. Take that
00:18:01.119 --> 00:18:03.180
break. Take that minute. It might be two minutes.
00:18:03.319 --> 00:18:05.480
It might be a day. It might be a week, depending
00:18:05.480 --> 00:18:08.000
on your personality. Just give yourself the timeframe.
00:18:08.220 --> 00:18:10.519
Like I'm going to give myself X period of time.
00:18:10.640 --> 00:18:14.140
And then I'm going to come back to this situation
00:18:14.140 --> 00:18:18.579
and I am going to intentionally release the negative
00:18:18.579 --> 00:18:20.220
emotional state. And I'm going to come back to
00:18:20.220 --> 00:18:23.759
this with clarity and calmness. Yeah. Oh, that's
00:18:23.759 --> 00:18:26.119
so great. So let's switch gears. Let's talk a
00:18:26.119 --> 00:18:28.640
little bit about that internal clarity and that
00:18:28.640 --> 00:18:30.559
outside pressure. And I think this is a big one,
00:18:30.680 --> 00:18:32.859
especially for a lot of our high achieving women
00:18:32.859 --> 00:18:35.160
listeners who are hearing this. And, you know,
00:18:35.180 --> 00:18:37.160
we get really good at building this, what looks
00:18:37.160 --> 00:18:39.640
like an impressive life from the outside, the
00:18:39.640 --> 00:18:41.380
title, the business, the crazy calendar, the
00:18:41.380 --> 00:18:43.960
reputation. And then suddenly we realize like,
00:18:43.960 --> 00:18:46.519
Oh my gosh, we're exhausted. We're disconnected
00:18:46.519 --> 00:18:49.890
or resentful. So how do we, if we're Someone's
00:18:49.890 --> 00:18:51.309
listening to us and feeling that way, right?
00:18:51.390 --> 00:18:53.910
Like it's it's emitting that but how do we explain
00:18:53.910 --> 00:18:55.970
the difference? I guess first between that intrinsic
00:18:55.970 --> 00:18:59.230
and Intrinsic and extrinsic decision -making
00:18:59.230 --> 00:19:01.430
and then what does that look like when we kind
00:19:01.430 --> 00:19:04.170
of need to do some self evaluation? Definitely.
00:19:04.650 --> 00:19:07.069
So at any given time we're navigating extrinsic
00:19:07.069 --> 00:19:09.769
change. These are things outside of our control.
00:19:10.009 --> 00:19:14.920
So this is like regulatory changes that are coming
00:19:14.920 --> 00:19:18.000
from political issues. This is geopolitical issues.
00:19:18.500 --> 00:19:21.640
This is environmental, right? There's an environmental
00:19:21.640 --> 00:19:24.599
catastrophe in our area. Something happens. I
00:19:24.599 --> 00:19:27.180
live in South Florida. We get hurricanes. So
00:19:27.180 --> 00:19:31.950
we have these big outside forces. economic changes,
00:19:32.349 --> 00:19:35.390
right? Big outside forces or big industry changes.
00:19:35.829 --> 00:19:37.970
So there's the big three. There's environment,
00:19:38.269 --> 00:19:40.630
there's industry being impacted right now. We're
00:19:40.630 --> 00:19:42.930
seeing AI impact industries. And then there's
00:19:42.930 --> 00:19:46.809
sort of this like regulatory compliance, political,
00:19:46.809 --> 00:19:49.109
you know, things. These are like the big three
00:19:49.109 --> 00:19:51.930
other than our health, you know, and their or
00:19:51.930 --> 00:19:54.150
our immediate family's health. And hopefully
00:19:54.150 --> 00:19:56.230
that does not happen to anybody with getting
00:19:56.230 --> 00:19:58.750
an unforeseen health diagnosis. But these things
00:19:58.750 --> 00:20:02.549
are for most, most of us outside of our control
00:20:02.549 --> 00:20:05.329
for most reasons. Everything else is pretty much
00:20:05.329 --> 00:20:07.490
in our control. We just think it's not in our
00:20:07.490 --> 00:20:10.289
control. So, you know, we can't control the weather,
00:20:10.349 --> 00:20:13.089
but we can control if we put a rain jacket on
00:20:13.089 --> 00:20:15.529
or have an umbrella. So are we going to stop
00:20:15.529 --> 00:20:17.950
the rain from happening? No, but we can stop
00:20:17.950 --> 00:20:22.210
ourselves from getting cold or shivering or feeling
00:20:22.210 --> 00:20:25.470
overly unpleasant and uncomfortable in the rain.
00:20:25.670 --> 00:20:28.069
And that is what I think is most critical to
00:20:28.069 --> 00:20:30.329
think about. We're thinking about navigating
00:20:30.329 --> 00:20:33.630
change and taking on too much. So over time,
00:20:34.250 --> 00:20:36.569
we say yes to a lot of things. Our calendar gets
00:20:36.569 --> 00:20:39.509
very full. There's all these extrinsic pressures
00:20:39.509 --> 00:20:42.089
that we were perceiving as extrinsic, but they're
00:20:42.089 --> 00:20:44.769
not really the big four. They're really things
00:20:44.769 --> 00:20:47.349
that are inside of our control that we've allowed.
00:20:47.740 --> 00:20:51.279
to influence and impact our daily schedule, our
00:20:51.279 --> 00:20:54.480
mindset, our morale, and we're feeling like it's
00:20:54.480 --> 00:20:56.779
outside of our control. We're feeling like, you
00:20:56.779 --> 00:20:59.440
know, if you're in management that, you know,
00:20:59.519 --> 00:21:01.960
there is a boss or supervisor that has expectations
00:21:01.960 --> 00:21:06.259
or if you are a team leader or if you are a business
00:21:06.259 --> 00:21:09.640
owner, you feel like you have expectations of
00:21:09.640 --> 00:21:12.289
your team. that you have to deliver for them
00:21:12.289 --> 00:21:14.430
or sometimes it's family sometimes it's community
00:21:14.430 --> 00:21:17.769
and we say yes to so many things because we're
00:21:17.769 --> 00:21:20.509
feeling like we quote have to say yes to these
00:21:20.509 --> 00:21:23.609
many things but the reality is we're doing that
00:21:23.609 --> 00:21:27.089
out of fear of Other people's perception of us
00:21:27.089 --> 00:21:29.549
fear of letting people down fear of not looking
00:21:29.549 --> 00:21:32.569
successful like we can quote do it all uh fear
00:21:32.569 --> 00:21:34.910
of looking like we're a failure in some way if
00:21:34.910 --> 00:21:38.289
we don't do all these things and Be presidents
00:21:38.289 --> 00:21:40.250
of all these organizations and sit on all these
00:21:40.250 --> 00:21:42.990
boards and do all the all these things, you know
00:21:42.990 --> 00:21:45.809
So then we are quote less than right in our minds
00:21:45.809 --> 00:21:47.690
if we're a high achieving person then that's
00:21:47.690 --> 00:21:50.809
the perception that we have but what can happen
00:21:50.809 --> 00:21:53.990
is you wake up one day and you're like what the
00:21:53.990 --> 00:21:57.269
heck is going on with my life? Like there's way
00:21:57.269 --> 00:22:01.089
too many things going on. I have lost myself
00:22:01.089 --> 00:22:03.930
in this process. I've said yes to way too many
00:22:03.930 --> 00:22:05.970
things that actually really are in my control.
00:22:06.329 --> 00:22:08.569
If I put some boundaries up and say, no, I'm
00:22:08.569 --> 00:22:11.549
not a failure or less than, I'm just protecting
00:22:11.549 --> 00:22:14.650
my peace so that I can actually do better for
00:22:14.650 --> 00:22:16.970
the people that are most critical and the initiatives
00:22:16.970 --> 00:22:20.789
that are most critical. And the number one tip
00:22:20.789 --> 00:22:24.750
that I have, opportunity to spend four months
00:22:24.750 --> 00:22:28.309
alone in Morocco for a period of time in 2021.
00:22:28.450 --> 00:22:29.950
Yes, that's the answer. We should all go to Morocco
00:22:29.950 --> 00:22:35.529
by ourselves. Spend time by yourself. Because
00:22:35.529 --> 00:22:37.769
after that experience, I got so much clarity.
00:22:38.029 --> 00:22:40.049
That's actually a part of what made the exit
00:22:40.049 --> 00:22:42.549
from my prior business. Big decisions were made
00:22:42.549 --> 00:22:45.690
because all of a sudden it was not my 50 plus
00:22:45.690 --> 00:22:48.390
shareholders or my board or other people's pressure.
00:22:48.730 --> 00:22:52.089
I got clarity on me. And I was like, this is
00:22:52.089 --> 00:22:55.809
not This business is not me anymore. This is
00:22:55.809 --> 00:22:58.380
not. identity. This is not what I wanted to be.
00:22:58.400 --> 00:23:00.119
This is not what I'm passionate about. Doesn't
00:23:00.119 --> 00:23:02.920
bring me joy and fulfillment. And the only way
00:23:02.920 --> 00:23:04.579
to really do that is to get comfortable with
00:23:04.579 --> 00:23:08.259
yourself and so that you're not living life to
00:23:08.259 --> 00:23:12.980
just please or to achieve something for someone
00:23:12.980 --> 00:23:15.519
else. You're achieving only for yourself. So
00:23:15.519 --> 00:23:17.859
it doesn't have to be Morocco, but I love that
00:23:17.859 --> 00:23:22.140
idea. You spend even a weekend by yourself if
00:23:22.140 --> 00:23:24.019
you can do that. And most people will say they
00:23:24.019 --> 00:23:26.019
cannot. I would never have said that. I could
00:23:26.019 --> 00:23:29.200
spend four months, but I think it's critical
00:23:29.200 --> 00:23:32.880
that you understand yourself by yourself and
00:23:32.880 --> 00:23:36.359
you understand who you are, what you want, what
00:23:36.359 --> 00:23:38.160
brings you joy and what brings you fulfillment.
00:23:38.500 --> 00:23:40.819
If you do not understand yourself and you're
00:23:40.819 --> 00:23:43.279
very uncomfortable being alone, you will always
00:23:43.279 --> 00:23:46.339
be in the trap of taking on too much to please
00:23:46.339 --> 00:23:49.140
others and achieve for others until you can get
00:23:49.140 --> 00:23:51.099
comfortable by yourself. I love Jay Shetty's
00:23:51.099 --> 00:23:53.660
book. I love Jay Shetty's principles because
00:23:53.660 --> 00:23:56.130
he did something similar. If you can get comfortable
00:23:56.130 --> 00:23:59.289
alone, you will find that path of when to say,
00:23:59.470 --> 00:24:02.170
no, you be comfortable. And you'll know this
00:24:02.170 --> 00:24:05.089
has nothing to do with the, with my value because
00:24:05.089 --> 00:24:07.390
I'm saying no to this thing. It's because I'm,
00:24:07.390 --> 00:24:10.150
I want to put my energy really in this other
00:24:10.150 --> 00:24:14.390
thing that is most important to me. And so that's,
00:24:14.390 --> 00:24:17.390
that's my biggest tip. No, I love that. I totally
00:24:17.390 --> 00:24:19.849
agree. If somebody says, okay, I got 24 hours,
00:24:19.990 --> 00:24:23.269
I can go, you know, stay at a local hotel. I
00:24:23.269 --> 00:24:24.910
can see you sliding up to do this, you know,
00:24:25.029 --> 00:24:26.650
and then like, okay, now what? What do I do?
00:24:26.670 --> 00:24:29.589
Do I just, do I sit here in silence? Like, what
00:24:29.589 --> 00:24:32.329
would be if you have 24 hours to focus on this?
00:24:32.349 --> 00:24:35.910
What would you do? No phones, no screens. You
00:24:35.910 --> 00:24:39.670
are literally, get there, turn your phone off,
00:24:39.849 --> 00:24:41.869
go to the hotel, wherever it is. I'm a beach
00:24:41.869 --> 00:24:43.829
person, so I'm water person. Somewhere near the
00:24:43.829 --> 00:24:45.750
ocean is for me, some people like the mountains,
00:24:46.250 --> 00:24:49.670
somewhere where there's a natural something that
00:24:49.670 --> 00:24:52.559
excites you and makes you feel at peace. It doesn't
00:24:52.559 --> 00:24:55.799
have to be super duper remote. Where I was was,
00:24:55.839 --> 00:24:57.619
but it doesn't have to be the more remote. You
00:24:57.619 --> 00:24:59.460
get brownie points though, if you do go remote.
00:25:00.220 --> 00:25:03.180
But if that really makes you panic, it could
00:25:03.180 --> 00:25:06.500
be where there's people around, but no screens
00:25:06.500 --> 00:25:11.619
and no communication. And you sit there and you
00:25:11.619 --> 00:25:14.200
go, what do I do? And it's very uncomfortable
00:25:14.200 --> 00:25:17.740
at first, super uncomfortable. And then you just
00:25:17.740 --> 00:25:19.279
kind of figure out like, I'm going to just go
00:25:19.279 --> 00:25:22.240
for a walk, or I'm going to just go downstairs
00:25:22.240 --> 00:25:24.759
and get coffee. And I'm going to talk to a stranger
00:25:24.759 --> 00:25:26.339
who's sitting next to me, which I would never
00:25:26.339 --> 00:25:29.279
normally do. And I might learn something about
00:25:29.279 --> 00:25:31.880
myself and having a conversation with this stranger
00:25:31.880 --> 00:25:35.519
and learn something about them too. But you realize
00:25:35.519 --> 00:25:38.160
that uncomfortableness of like, what do I do?
00:25:38.200 --> 00:25:41.950
That's the point. is there's no expectation for
00:25:41.950 --> 00:25:44.829
this 24 hours. There's no right or wrong. There's
00:25:44.829 --> 00:25:47.750
no A plus rating. There is no revenue profit
00:25:47.750 --> 00:25:51.089
and loss statement. This is just you figuring
00:25:51.089 --> 00:25:55.910
out you and the act of doing nothing. When you
00:25:55.910 --> 00:25:58.630
come back, the clarity comes when you come back
00:25:58.630 --> 00:26:01.250
in the reentry. The clarity does not come in
00:26:01.250 --> 00:26:03.930
the moment while you're there. When you're there,
00:26:03.990 --> 00:26:06.079
you're kind of like, What the heck do I do? I'm
00:26:06.079 --> 00:26:07.160
bored. I don't know what to do. I don't know
00:26:07.160 --> 00:26:09.960
if I can do this. And you're spiraling in your
00:26:09.960 --> 00:26:11.819
head thinking like, I'm going to leave. I'm going
00:26:11.819 --> 00:26:13.240
to call someone. I'm going to turn my phone on.
00:26:13.480 --> 00:26:16.680
I can't do it. But when you do it, the clarity
00:26:16.680 --> 00:26:20.880
comes at the end. So the point is not to know
00:26:20.880 --> 00:26:22.500
what you're going to do when you're there. That's
00:26:22.500 --> 00:26:26.160
the point. It's just a clean day or week or weekend.
00:26:26.759 --> 00:26:29.039
I love that. And it's funny. I used to travel
00:26:29.039 --> 00:26:31.420
a lot more. I still travel for work by myself.
00:26:31.529 --> 00:26:34.190
course. And in the beginning, it was like I would
00:26:34.190 --> 00:26:35.970
go to my hotel room and do all this work and
00:26:35.970 --> 00:26:39.369
be super focused and overly productive. And now
00:26:39.369 --> 00:26:41.430
the last couple years, I would say sometimes
00:26:41.430 --> 00:26:43.890
I would try to go sit at a bar by myself, which
00:26:43.890 --> 00:26:46.630
is super uncomfortable, or go for a walk and
00:26:46.630 --> 00:26:49.369
just disconnect more once, you know, my work
00:26:49.369 --> 00:26:51.930
responsibilities were done. And I will tell you,
00:26:51.930 --> 00:26:54.390
it was super awkward for me at first because
00:26:54.390 --> 00:26:55.849
I'm extroverted. I like to be around people.
00:26:55.950 --> 00:26:58.269
I feel like I constantly need to be busy. I just
00:26:58.269 --> 00:27:01.099
don't want to sit there. So it took time. and
00:27:01.099 --> 00:27:03.420
I was just in New York, the busiest city in the
00:27:03.420 --> 00:27:06.339
world, right? Like, and I tried to like disconnect
00:27:06.339 --> 00:27:09.859
and have that time to just even be down, right?
00:27:09.880 --> 00:27:12.779
Because it's constantly just this feel of output
00:27:12.779 --> 00:27:15.400
and you just can't think. And that's why I think
00:27:15.400 --> 00:27:17.319
even little things when people talk about getting
00:27:17.319 --> 00:27:20.599
their best ideas in the shower, on a run, like
00:27:20.599 --> 00:27:24.099
it's because you're not like in overdrive. And
00:27:24.099 --> 00:27:26.039
this is bad to mix. I know I'm not supposed to
00:27:26.039 --> 00:27:28.490
do it, but when I go to yoga, I'm supposed to
00:27:28.490 --> 00:27:30.089
be focused and I have to be focused or I messed
00:27:30.089 --> 00:27:32.009
up because they're moving. It's power yoga, right?
00:27:32.049 --> 00:27:35.430
Like it's super fast, but so many times like
00:27:35.430 --> 00:27:37.130
either right near the end or after I'm like oh
00:27:37.130 --> 00:27:39.589
shoot I have this idea or oh I need to do this
00:27:39.589 --> 00:27:42.569
and it's like this clarity because I'm I am disconnected
00:27:42.569 --> 00:27:44.630
I'm trying to trying to stay present focused
00:27:44.630 --> 00:27:47.269
on my breaths but it's just that difference of
00:27:47.269 --> 00:27:49.470
not sitting there and I can't be thinking I need
00:27:49.470 --> 00:27:51.569
to do later I'm gonna be doing the wrong pose
00:27:51.569 --> 00:27:55.049
yeah even those little moments if you can capitalize
00:27:55.049 --> 00:27:57.990
on them I think can make a big difference definitely
00:27:57.990 --> 00:28:00.809
a thousand percent so do you recommend you know
00:28:00.809 --> 00:28:02.670
we talked about the north star and the employers
00:28:02.670 --> 00:28:05.720
point Do you do that personally? Like should
00:28:05.720 --> 00:28:08.400
people have that plan and that sort of goal that
00:28:08.400 --> 00:28:10.220
you talked about from a company perspective and
00:28:10.220 --> 00:28:13.500
tried to do that personally? Yes. So I highly
00:28:13.500 --> 00:28:15.640
recommend this. I started doing this after attending
00:28:15.640 --> 00:28:20.519
some events with Tony Robbins in 2017. When I
00:28:20.519 --> 00:28:22.400
was facing some big, big decisions in business
00:28:22.400 --> 00:28:25.279
and life, I spent some time and went to 11 different
00:28:25.279 --> 00:28:27.160
events with Tony Robbins. I walked on fire and
00:28:27.160 --> 00:28:29.960
did all, all of the things that he did. So cool.
00:28:30.259 --> 00:28:33.220
And yes. And that's when I started with with
00:28:33.220 --> 00:28:35.539
very intentional kind of this goal setting and
00:28:35.539 --> 00:28:39.140
being very specific about compartmentalizing
00:28:39.140 --> 00:28:41.859
the goals in different areas of life and business.
00:28:42.240 --> 00:28:45.039
So you have the financial, you have the time
00:28:45.039 --> 00:28:46.819
and the kind of the freedom. What does that mean?
00:28:47.140 --> 00:28:50.279
And you have the relationships and in there you
00:28:50.279 --> 00:28:52.880
have some contribution goals and things like
00:28:52.880 --> 00:28:56.190
that. Now, my husband and I actually do this
00:28:56.190 --> 00:28:59.470
a couple times a year. We travel because we like
00:28:59.470 --> 00:29:01.750
the disconnect. We travel to another country
00:29:01.750 --> 00:29:04.549
and we're not speaking English. There's another
00:29:04.549 --> 00:29:07.089
language because that changes our mindset. Now
00:29:07.089 --> 00:29:09.430
we cannot be thinking as much about the day -to
00:29:09.430 --> 00:29:10.710
-day life because we're in a different culture,
00:29:10.910 --> 00:29:14.210
different foods, different language. And we will
00:29:14.210 --> 00:29:17.589
break down the targets in each area of life.
00:29:17.609 --> 00:29:21.170
And we will assess, okay, since the last year's
00:29:21.170 --> 00:29:24.720
goals, how close are we? and where are we off
00:29:24.720 --> 00:29:27.619
target? And then we will set, okay, what do we
00:29:27.619 --> 00:29:29.700
need to do in the next 90 days? But it's not
00:29:29.700 --> 00:29:33.680
necessarily what, it's almost always who. So
00:29:33.680 --> 00:29:38.759
it's almost always who do we need to separate
00:29:38.759 --> 00:29:42.019
a little bit? from in our life and or eliminate?
00:29:42.339 --> 00:29:45.920
And who do we need to add more of? Because if
00:29:45.920 --> 00:29:48.680
we just say, what do we need to do? It just becomes
00:29:48.680 --> 00:29:53.359
an endless list of to do tasks that is not realistic.
00:29:53.799 --> 00:29:58.799
So the answer is the target goal is X in the
00:29:58.799 --> 00:30:02.660
four different areas. How close did we get? And
00:30:02.660 --> 00:30:05.799
if we missed, if we hit it, we celebrate. great,
00:30:06.079 --> 00:30:08.200
let's set some new ones. If we missed, we think,
00:30:08.319 --> 00:30:11.119
okay, why did we miss? this, this, this, and
00:30:11.119 --> 00:30:13.519
this happened. Okay, this, this, and this needs
00:30:13.519 --> 00:30:16.160
to happen. There are some things that I personally
00:30:16.160 --> 00:30:18.839
can do, but if I haven't done them, there's a
00:30:18.839 --> 00:30:21.079
reason why. I don't have the right accountability
00:30:21.079 --> 00:30:22.960
person. I don't have the right person on the
00:30:22.960 --> 00:30:26.579
team. Maybe like for me, health is something
00:30:26.579 --> 00:30:29.319
that I am intentional about and I have terrible
00:30:29.319 --> 00:30:31.619
habits on. So do I need to get a health coach,
00:30:31.720 --> 00:30:35.519
a trainer, et cetera? Do I need to sign up for?
00:30:36.629 --> 00:30:38.990
I'm up here in my house in Maine. I do golf lessons
00:30:38.990 --> 00:30:42.190
when I'm up here. So how do I need to be accountable
00:30:42.190 --> 00:30:45.710
to this thing? If golf was part of my personal
00:30:45.710 --> 00:30:48.789
goals and I didn't hit it, well, then clearly
00:30:48.789 --> 00:30:50.369
I'm not gonna do it on my own. I need to go and
00:30:50.369 --> 00:30:52.609
get who, who do I need to hold me accountable?
00:30:52.990 --> 00:30:54.829
If it's a professional setting or financial.
00:30:55.359 --> 00:30:58.400
We missed the target. Who on the team do we need
00:30:58.400 --> 00:31:00.799
to adjust, right? And so then we're looking at
00:31:00.799 --> 00:31:03.660
these next 90 days and we immediately in that
00:31:03.660 --> 00:31:05.819
moment, we set three meetings. The thing that
00:31:05.819 --> 00:31:08.400
we missed the target on. In that moment in time,
00:31:08.519 --> 00:31:10.839
we're like, who are we calling? We send them
00:31:10.839 --> 00:31:12.619
an email or text. Hey, can you talk next week?
00:31:12.660 --> 00:31:14.720
We're traveling right now. I want to get on your
00:31:14.720 --> 00:31:17.099
calendar. So this might be a team member. This
00:31:17.099 --> 00:31:20.539
could be a coach or mentor. And then we do this
00:31:20.539 --> 00:31:22.440
twice a year, Christmas and New Year's and again
00:31:22.440 --> 00:31:25.000
around 4th of July. We look again at the goal
00:31:25.000 --> 00:31:28.000
setting and we align our three level of who's.
00:31:28.119 --> 00:31:30.180
We call it a group of people that are like mentors
00:31:30.180 --> 00:31:34.190
and coaches. Could be business. could be personal,
00:31:34.569 --> 00:31:36.829
it could be health, right? It could be relationship,
00:31:37.029 --> 00:31:39.549
anybody that's a mentor that has some wisdom
00:31:39.549 --> 00:31:41.589
in this area. It doesn't have to be in even in
00:31:41.589 --> 00:31:46.089
our. our business industry just has wisdom. Some
00:31:46.089 --> 00:31:49.069
peers that we need to network with, collaborate
00:31:49.069 --> 00:31:52.269
with, and then our team. So three level of who's,
00:31:52.769 --> 00:31:55.309
who's our team of mentors and coaches, who's
00:31:55.309 --> 00:31:57.549
our team of mentors and peers that we can bounce
00:31:57.549 --> 00:32:00.650
ideas and cross -pollinate, promote, and who's
00:32:00.650 --> 00:32:04.609
on our team. And twice a year, we set a target
00:32:04.609 --> 00:32:07.230
of if we've missed our goals, if we're off track,
00:32:07.329 --> 00:32:09.230
what are three conversations we need to have
00:32:09.230 --> 00:32:11.829
with different levels of the who's. Immediately
00:32:11.829 --> 00:32:15.210
so that the next 90 days will be different Wow,
00:32:15.390 --> 00:32:17.950
that is so impressive and you hit so many important
00:32:17.950 --> 00:32:20.970
important points the planning piece right obviously
00:32:20.970 --> 00:32:24.029
and being intentional, but you mentioned other
00:32:24.029 --> 00:32:26.640
people that You're not doing this alone, right?
00:32:26.700 --> 00:32:28.640
It can be super overwhelming if you're sitting
00:32:28.640 --> 00:32:30.740
there trying to figure everything out. And oh,
00:32:30.740 --> 00:32:32.279
by the way, you also have an accountability partner
00:32:32.279 --> 00:32:34.500
with your husband, which is amazing. But I think
00:32:34.500 --> 00:32:36.279
that's where a lot of us get really hung up is
00:32:36.279 --> 00:32:38.099
we think we have to sit there and do it all by
00:32:38.099 --> 00:32:40.680
ourselves and figure it all out. And you're relying
00:32:40.680 --> 00:32:44.220
on a different team of people depending on the
00:32:44.220 --> 00:32:46.140
situation. So I love that so much. That's so
00:32:46.140 --> 00:32:50.039
great. So it's funny, we started off this conversation
00:32:50.039 --> 00:32:53.539
talking about decision -making and then we talked
00:32:53.539 --> 00:32:56.099
for a couple different situations. But at the
00:32:56.099 --> 00:32:58.619
end of the day, I think your superpower is clarity,
00:32:58.619 --> 00:33:01.759
right? Like you help people get clear. And a
00:33:01.759 --> 00:33:03.299
lot of times we don't want to make a decision
00:33:03.299 --> 00:33:05.559
because we're not clear or we're not doing the
00:33:05.559 --> 00:33:08.180
whole head -heart cut. So the fact that you have
00:33:08.180 --> 00:33:11.720
this approach to get clear and then take action
00:33:11.720 --> 00:33:14.759
is amazing. So if someone's sitting here, what
00:33:14.759 --> 00:33:16.859
parting words can you leave them with where they're
00:33:16.859 --> 00:33:19.480
like, I need to do something different, whether
00:33:19.480 --> 00:33:22.559
it's personal. or for their business, what's
00:33:22.559 --> 00:33:25.019
that first move that they can make? Because it
00:33:25.019 --> 00:33:26.960
does feel overwhelming even though you did break
00:33:26.960 --> 00:33:30.559
it down really well. The very first move is just
00:33:30.559 --> 00:33:32.519
to identify the one conversation that needs to
00:33:32.519 --> 00:33:35.339
be had. What is the one conversation with the
00:33:35.339 --> 00:33:37.940
one person that you're avoiding? That is the
00:33:37.940 --> 00:33:40.900
very first step. There is something right now
00:33:40.900 --> 00:33:44.240
that you want. that is more achievable than you
00:33:44.240 --> 00:33:46.819
think. And there is one conversation that needs
00:33:46.819 --> 00:33:49.019
to be had. And this is either someone you're
00:33:49.019 --> 00:33:51.059
bringing into your ecosystem or someone that
00:33:51.059 --> 00:33:54.180
you're separating from out of your ecosystem.
00:33:54.980 --> 00:33:58.240
And my biggest suggestion is set that meeting
00:33:58.240 --> 00:34:00.640
up. Set the meeting up, have the conversation.
00:34:00.880 --> 00:34:03.420
Who needs to come into your world? A coach, a
00:34:03.420 --> 00:34:06.569
mentor, a team member. Who is it that you need
00:34:06.569 --> 00:34:09.429
more of and who is it that you need less of?
00:34:09.530 --> 00:34:12.269
Who is it that in your life is slowing you down?
00:34:12.289 --> 00:34:14.590
And it doesn't matter if this is a significant
00:34:14.590 --> 00:34:16.710
other. This doesn't matter if this is a team
00:34:16.710 --> 00:34:21.030
member, an employee, or if this is someone in
00:34:21.030 --> 00:34:23.489
your social circuit that just is negative energy,
00:34:23.650 --> 00:34:27.329
that is a distraction. Who needs to be separated
00:34:27.329 --> 00:34:30.329
from and who do you need more of and take an
00:34:30.329 --> 00:34:33.719
immediate step to have a meeting that will make
00:34:33.719 --> 00:34:36.219
this start to happen? Who are the people that
00:34:36.219 --> 00:34:38.619
you need? If this is a very, very hard conversation,
00:34:39.019 --> 00:34:42.179
who do you need around you to have this one conversation?
00:34:42.239 --> 00:34:44.260
Because if you don't face the one conversation
00:34:44.260 --> 00:34:46.780
with the one person, you are holding yourself
00:34:46.780 --> 00:34:49.820
back. Oh, I love that so much, Casey. This is
00:34:49.820 --> 00:34:52.559
amazing advice and a plan that I think is very
00:34:52.559 --> 00:34:54.300
actionable. And I'm literally thinking in my
00:34:54.300 --> 00:34:55.800
head some things I need to do this afternoon.
00:34:55.900 --> 00:34:58.519
So thank you so much for helping me with my schedule
00:34:58.519 --> 00:35:01.039
and taking some initiative on some of that. If
00:35:01.039 --> 00:35:03.019
people want to connect with you, where's the
00:35:03.019 --> 00:35:06.440
best way to find you? Yeah, so LinkedIn and Instagram,
00:35:06.539 --> 00:35:09.719
Facebook to at Casey D 'Amato. I have a fun tool,
00:35:09.820 --> 00:35:12.699
the decision diagnosis interactive tool. I'll
00:35:12.699 --> 00:35:14.039
send that you can drop it into your show notes
00:35:14.039 --> 00:35:16.179
if it makes sense. So that's kind of fun to give
00:35:16.179 --> 00:35:18.219
you a little analysis on your decision making
00:35:18.219 --> 00:35:20.679
skills. But please send me a message anywhere
00:35:20.679 --> 00:35:23.639
on the social platforms. I'm on there. I try
00:35:23.639 --> 00:35:26.860
to touch base once a day. So I love to chat and
00:35:26.860 --> 00:35:29.940
talk strategy, clarity, Polaris point. I love
00:35:29.940 --> 00:35:32.670
all of that. Great. Thank you. Thank you so much,
00:35:32.849 --> 00:35:35.610
Casey. Thanks, Betsy. I think the biggest takeaway
00:35:35.610 --> 00:35:38.570
is this. Clarity doesn't always mean the decision
00:35:38.570 --> 00:35:41.329
feels easy. Sometimes your head, heart, and gut
00:35:41.329 --> 00:35:43.869
can point you towards the right next move, and
00:35:43.869 --> 00:35:46.409
it can still feel uncomfortable, emotional, or
00:35:46.409 --> 00:35:49.510
disappointing. But staying stuck doesn't protect
00:35:49.510 --> 00:35:51.550
you from the decision. It usually just delays
00:35:51.550 --> 00:35:53.670
the conversation and keeps you spinning your
00:35:53.670 --> 00:35:56.719
wheels. So take a minute and ask yourself, what
00:35:56.719 --> 00:36:00.139
is the one decision I keep revisiting? And underneath
00:36:00.139 --> 00:36:03.119
that, what is the one conversation I may be avoiding?
00:36:04.139 --> 00:36:06.219
Casey also shared her decision diagnostic tool,
00:36:06.260 --> 00:36:08.320
which can help you better understand how you
00:36:08.320 --> 00:36:10.360
make decisions. We'll include that in the show
00:36:10.360 --> 00:36:12.159
notes, along with the links to connect with her
WEBVTT
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.859
Sometimes the hardest decisions aren't hard because
00:00:02.859 --> 00:00:04.980
we don't know what to do. They're hard because
00:00:04.980 --> 00:00:07.540
we know exactly what needs to happen and we don't
00:00:07.540 --> 00:00:09.960
want to deal with the conversation, the reaction,
00:00:10.199 --> 00:00:13.140
or the fallout that may come next. In this episode,
00:00:13.279 --> 00:00:15.339
I'm talking with Casey Diamanto about how to
00:00:15.339 --> 00:00:17.760
make clear decisions without getting pulled off
00:00:17.760 --> 00:00:20.739
course by fear, outside pressure, or emotion.
00:00:21.100 --> 00:00:24.100
We get into her head, heart, and gut framework.
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How to identify your Polaris point. What distraction
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is often a sign that you're avoiding something
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important and how to move forward without losing
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yourself in the process. Casey has a really practical
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way of helping people get out of the spin cycle
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and back into action. And honestly, there are
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several moments in this conversation where I
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found myself thinking about decisions I needed
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to make in my own life. So let's get into it.
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Welcome to Loud and Lifted. Casey, thank you
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so much for being here. Thanks for having me.
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Yes. So we have a big discussion today because
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we're going to talk about decision making and
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not like a corporate spreadsheet kind of way,
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but just how big decisions are made. It's something
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that I think we take for granted, right? We do.
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We make decisions every day, sometimes small
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and sometimes large. But what you focus on are
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those big business decisions and helping people.
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So when leaders come to you with a business decision,
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what's usually underneath it? We all face so
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many decisions every day and we have decision
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fatigue. When the big decisions face us in business
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and in life, we sometimes either freeze or we
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react or we overthink because we have... data,
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we have emotions, we have our gut reaction, and
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all of it is muddying the waters for what is
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the best next step. And you know, we're thinking
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about big decisions. A lot of people will ask
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me, what are you talking about? Business, this
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might be a massive change. If you're a business
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owner, this could be a pivot this could be a
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partnership this could be considering an exit
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or an expansion it could be hiring or firing
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if you're a manager this also could be hiring
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or firing could also be making a pivot or change
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so it's you know no matter what level you're
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at whether you're in management or you're a founder
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you're facing these big decisions that impact
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your professional journey, your business, your
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career, but also impacting your personal journey.
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And so all of the human element, the human emotions,
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the emotional intelligence muddy the waters.
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There's lots of fear that we don't even recognize.
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mixed in with making a data -driven decision.
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And so how do we align both of those things?
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Because it's not about the data alone and it's
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not about the emotions alone or our gut reaction.
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It's how do we balance all three? Well, it's
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funny that you say that because I was thinking,
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you know, there's some people who are like, I
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just decide with my gut. I just go with it. I
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do what I feel and I'm going. And then there's
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other people who I can think of who are, this
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is clearly not me, super over analytical and
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do need the spreadsheet, need the pros and cons
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list and, you know, have 50 conversations about
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it. And I'm sure it's somewhere in the middle,
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right? So how do we get to that middle spot where
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we're not just completely going on our gut, but
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we're also not like... What do you call it? Paralysis
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analysis. Exactly. So I call it the head, heart,
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gut theory. And so the way that I think about
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this is all people have versions of this, but
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I think about the head part when we're looking
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at the data, we're looking at historical data.
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So whatever decision we're facing, let's say
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we're thinking about making a major change with
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our business or our career, right? So we have
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to look at some numbers there. So we're looking
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at revenue or maybe your salary or bonuses, things
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like that. You're looking at historically, have
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things been growing? over the last three years.
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If yes, then that's a good thing if finances
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are your goal. But if no, then it's time to make
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some change, right? So I take the people, imagine
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that you are not in your same setting in your
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business or your career. You are in a new environment
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with people you do not know. You're only looking
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at the data at this point. So you visualize yourself.
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without any of the human beings around you that
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normally are around you, because we're all influenced
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by the people that are around us the most. So
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when you look at the data part, visualize that
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you're someplace with nobody that you know, entirely
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new business, new career, new people, looking
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historically, and then you're thinking about
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your future goals from a data standpoint. Are
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you on track historically to then hit these future
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goals? Again, with all new people, nothing to
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do with people that are around you right now,
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only the data. And so you look at, you do this
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analysis first. If you're a spreadsheet person,
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I mean, even if you're not, you force yourself
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to think about the data. Imagine you are not
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around any of your coworkers, any of your employees,
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any of your team, even your family. You are alone
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in an entirely new professional journey, looking
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at only data. That's step one. Step two, reverse
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that. We're not talking about data. We're talking
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about just the people around us and we're thinking
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who is influencing this decision? What am I feeling
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good or bad about? Who is going to be impacted?
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What am I afraid of hurting someone's feelings
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or having to let someone go or not being around
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these people that I care about or worked with
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for so long? We're not thinking about data at
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all. We're just thinking about the people and
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we're making a list of people like if I make
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this decision. Who am I going to feel sad that
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I'm going to not be around? Or who am I going
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to feel happy that I'm not going to be around,
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right? And we're analyzing that. And then our
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last question is, regardless of what the data
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shows, regardless of the people, now we visualize
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again, we're someplace that we're not around
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the people that we know. The numbers don't really
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matter. What's our gut instinct? What just brings
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us joy? What's just the thing that we know instinctually
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we want to do? It's irrelevant of what the data
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says. That might say one thing, but our gut says
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another. The people around us might be influencing
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us in a certain way, but our gut says another.
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So the head, heart, gut, two of the three need
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to be in alignment for the decision to be the
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right decision for you. And that's how I approach
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major decisions in a very summarized version
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of that process. Sometimes I do it in a whole
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single strategy day with clients, but in a short
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two -minute summary, that is the basic concept
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of what we work through when we're making a big
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decision. I love that head, heart, gut. So that
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goes back to not being at one end of the spectrum
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or the other, but you're at all three, essentially.
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All three, each other and like really work it
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out. So, I mean, again, sometimes I do this in
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a full day workshop with a founder or partners,
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but you really work it out and you look at one
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completely separate than the other. As soon as
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they start to, you're running numbers and you're
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like, but this person said, but it's going to
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impact this person. Nope, no, we're in a whole
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new business. We're visualizing a new business,
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a new career, a new role. We don't know anybody
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here. So. There's no people that can influence
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more looking at the data part or looking at the
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people part. We're not talking about numbers.
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We're just talking about the human beings and
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how we feel and how they feel. No, that's great.
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And it's funny, the last year I've been working
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with founder CEOs with their companies and helping
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them grow. And what's been interesting is coming
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with that outside perspective, I come in with
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the the data, right? Like I'm thinking with my
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head and when we're talking about teams or structure
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or making decisions, I will upfront say them
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like, look, I'm not emotionally attached to your
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brand, your team. I'm telling you by everything
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I've seen and read and looked through, like this
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is a decision. So it's interesting because I
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try to at least be aware that, you know, there's
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a human, there's a heart piece to this because
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I've been on the other side of those conversations.
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But, you know, it's hard. You see the leadership
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team sitting there and being like, Okay, I know
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this might be the right thing, but like trying
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to get to that and make them feel good about
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it, right? Our decision, it's their company,
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but understanding why you're getting there is
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super important. So the other piece of that that
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I would think would come up is how often do you
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see that leaders aren't focused on the right
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problem? Like they're trying to work around it
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because maybe it is a big decision or they're
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trying to fix symptoms. So, you know, they want
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to hire more people or launch a new initiative
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sales are down, you know, whatever it is. How
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do you get people to even see the right problem
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they should be focused on? Yeah, that's a great
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question. So You know, I, like you, I work with
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founders and CEOs a lot and executive teams.
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The first thing we do is we identify the Polaris
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point. So what is the end goal? The Polaris point
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is that North star. It is that end goal of what
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we're working towards. And then we reverse engineer.
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So the end goal is we usually set it in about
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three years into the future. So where do we want
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to be in three years in the future? This is financially.
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This is time, freedom, whatever that means for
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you. This is your relationships and your quality
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of life, right? So we look at all these three
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things in the business and personally three years
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in the future. And then we reverse engineer what
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do we need to do in the next 90 days? So we back
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it up to what do we need to do this year? Then
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all the way back to what do we do in the next
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90 days? So when we do that, we're making sure
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that the decisions that we're making today actually
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are taking us that just one step closer to what
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the three -year target is. And we're not getting
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distracted by a decision that is in left field
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that we think is the most important right now.
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We come back, I call it zooming out the telescope
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methods. We zoom out with the telescope so we
00:09:21.169 --> 00:09:23.610
can see the whole map. We say, okay, whoa, whoa,
00:09:23.629 --> 00:09:25.789
whoa, we're going down this rabbit hole to make
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this one decision, but is this decision taking
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us one step closer? If we're looking at a board
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game, are we on one step closer? box closer to
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that three -year pull hours point goal, or is
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this a distraction that's taking us into left
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field? Is this a pivot that we want to intentionally
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make? Sometimes it is. As long as we're intentionally
00:09:47.169 --> 00:09:49.490
making that, we're saying, you know what? This
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is actually going to slow us down or this is
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going to distract for a period of time, but it
00:09:55.289 --> 00:09:57.450
is worth it for these other reasons. We're going
00:09:57.450 --> 00:09:59.429
to accept the fact that this is going to maybe
00:09:59.429 --> 00:10:01.669
delay that three -year goal a little bit longer
00:10:01.669 --> 00:10:04.700
because this other initiative is important, but
00:10:04.700 --> 00:10:06.500
being really intentional so that we're not being
00:10:06.500 --> 00:10:08.320
distracted. We're not making decisions because
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we're running away from a hard conversation that
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we don't want to have, which is 99 % of the time.
00:10:13.700 --> 00:10:16.120
What happens with these distractions is we're
00:10:16.120 --> 00:10:19.759
just not facing the thing that is the most critical,
00:10:19.940 --> 00:10:24.000
the hard conversation, the one, literally one
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conversation that needs to be had, but it's uncomfortable.
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It's with a person that we don't want to have
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it with for a variety of reasons. Maybe it's
00:10:32.649 --> 00:10:34.269
somebody that we're very close to. We don't want
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to hurt them or they're very loyal or we had
00:10:36.990 --> 00:10:39.330
a long relationship or maybe it's someone that
00:10:39.330 --> 00:10:41.850
is the opposite. There's a little bit confrontational
00:10:41.850 --> 00:10:43.970
and there's friction. We don't want to stir the
00:10:43.970 --> 00:10:47.230
pot and get them worked up. Either way, there's
00:10:47.230 --> 00:10:51.090
typically a conversation with a person that is
00:10:51.090 --> 00:10:53.950
uncomfortable that we're avoiding. And so we're
00:10:53.950 --> 00:10:57.429
focusing on this other distracting decision.
00:10:57.639 --> 00:10:59.980
that is not going to get us closer to the Polaris
00:10:59.980 --> 00:11:02.879
point. And at the end of the day, we're just
00:11:02.879 --> 00:11:04.600
going to have to have that conversation if we
00:11:04.600 --> 00:11:05.840
want to reach our goals. Otherwise we're going
00:11:05.840 --> 00:11:08.320
to be in the same place next year as we are today,
00:11:08.559 --> 00:11:11.029
still spinning our wheels. Oh, that's so true.
00:11:11.149 --> 00:11:13.350
And it's that workaround, right? Like it doesn't
00:11:13.350 --> 00:11:15.889
work. Maybe it works for a week or two, but it's
00:11:15.889 --> 00:11:18.870
not a long -term strategy. And you're speaking
00:11:18.870 --> 00:11:21.509
my language, talking about the bigger goals and
00:11:21.509 --> 00:11:23.610
having like, I call them quarterly rocks that
00:11:23.610 --> 00:11:26.570
like tie into those bigger goals. It can be really
00:11:26.570 --> 00:11:28.690
overwhelming when you look at your business and
00:11:28.690 --> 00:11:30.549
like, wow, we're not where we're at from a sales
00:11:30.549 --> 00:11:33.389
perspective or whatever that goal is. And then
00:11:33.389 --> 00:11:36.779
you start throwing everything at it. nothing
00:11:36.779 --> 00:11:39.259
actually moves. So knowing where you're trying
00:11:39.259 --> 00:11:41.620
to go, but it's like those baby steps to get
00:11:41.620 --> 00:11:48.299
there and keep people focused. So how does emotional
00:11:48.299 --> 00:11:52.539
intelligence relate to decision making? So emotional
00:11:52.539 --> 00:11:54.299
intelligence is what I'm really passionate about.
00:11:54.480 --> 00:11:57.320
So my background, I come from a medical background,
00:11:57.419 --> 00:11:59.919
a medical degree. I went to medical school at
00:11:59.919 --> 00:12:02.679
USC and became a physician assistant. My minor
00:12:02.679 --> 00:12:06.019
was psych and I practiced medicine for 20 years
00:12:06.019 --> 00:12:08.539
before I started my entrepreneur journey. And
00:12:08.539 --> 00:12:10.559
I've started three businesses. One of them I
00:12:10.559 --> 00:12:14.049
took on a global scale and The human behavior
00:12:14.049 --> 00:12:17.149
of emotional intelligence has been very fascinating.
00:12:17.149 --> 00:12:19.889
As I look back at my trajectory now, I've made
00:12:19.889 --> 00:12:22.149
an exit from that business. Um, and I mostly
00:12:22.149 --> 00:12:25.370
consult advise, um, for other founders and their
00:12:25.370 --> 00:12:28.009
teams now. And most people think that emotional
00:12:28.009 --> 00:12:30.490
intelligence is just managing your own emotions.
00:12:30.549 --> 00:12:33.629
Like I'm not going to overreact in this circumstance.
00:12:33.789 --> 00:12:36.889
And while that is important in that sort of step
00:12:36.889 --> 00:12:39.649
one. there's really four quadrants to emotional
00:12:39.649 --> 00:12:42.110
intelligence. So the first one is you're recognizing
00:12:42.110 --> 00:12:44.250
your emotional state. And people are like, well,
00:12:44.250 --> 00:12:45.970
what does that mean? Well, you're waking up in
00:12:45.970 --> 00:12:48.470
the morning, you're either feeling good about
00:12:48.470 --> 00:12:51.049
today or you're feeling, I call it heavy about
00:12:51.049 --> 00:12:53.590
today. Heavy means you're stressed, you're overwhelmed,
00:12:53.710 --> 00:12:55.570
you're burning out, you're frustrated, you're
00:12:55.570 --> 00:12:58.730
annoyed, you're angry. Any of those negative
00:12:58.730 --> 00:13:01.789
emotions are on the left -hand column. So you're
00:13:01.789 --> 00:13:04.419
just feeling. Like, this is not going to be the
00:13:04.419 --> 00:13:06.460
greatest day when you wake up. The other side,
00:13:06.620 --> 00:13:08.200
you're feeling like, I'm excited about today.
00:13:08.299 --> 00:13:10.899
I'm joyful. I'm energized. I'm feeling good.
00:13:11.419 --> 00:13:13.700
You know, something's happening that is making
00:13:13.700 --> 00:13:16.659
me feel light. And when we're excited, our whole
00:13:16.659 --> 00:13:19.519
body language changes. We sit up a little taller,
00:13:19.519 --> 00:13:21.559
right? And we're dreading our day. We're a little
00:13:21.559 --> 00:13:24.379
more hunched over. We actually, our physiology
00:13:24.379 --> 00:13:26.720
actually changes depending on our emotional state.
00:13:27.000 --> 00:13:30.360
So step one is recognizing, are you in a positive
00:13:30.360 --> 00:13:32.480
or negative state today? Fill in all those sub
00:13:32.480 --> 00:13:34.379
words into what they are and just put them into
00:13:34.379 --> 00:13:36.720
one or the other. Then how do you change your
00:13:36.720 --> 00:13:38.700
negative state into a positive state? If you're
00:13:38.700 --> 00:13:41.100
feeling that, what are you doing to get yourself
00:13:41.100 --> 00:13:43.360
positive? Because if you're feeling frustrated,
00:13:43.600 --> 00:13:45.919
overwhelmed, annoyed, angry, any of those negative,
00:13:46.299 --> 00:13:49.480
you will be slower. and you will tend to react
00:13:49.480 --> 00:13:52.639
in ways that are not the best for your business
00:13:52.639 --> 00:13:55.279
or your life. So first is recognize your emotion.
00:13:55.539 --> 00:13:57.899
Second is how do you change your emotional state
00:13:57.899 --> 00:14:00.860
so that you can move faster? The third is how
00:14:00.860 --> 00:14:03.059
do you recognize other people on your professional
00:14:03.059 --> 00:14:06.100
teams or your family, their state, and how do
00:14:06.100 --> 00:14:08.879
you impact and influence their state of mind
00:14:08.879 --> 00:14:12.399
because they will move faster. So when we're
00:14:12.399 --> 00:14:15.700
in a positive, emotional intelligence state,
00:14:15.720 --> 00:14:19.340
we are feeling good. We can walk into the hardest
00:14:19.340 --> 00:14:22.600
conversations, the most complex negotiations,
00:14:23.200 --> 00:14:26.080
the most critical decisions that we have to make.
00:14:26.320 --> 00:14:29.259
And we know we are addressing those decisions
00:14:29.259 --> 00:14:31.159
objectively. We're using the head, heart and
00:14:31.159 --> 00:14:33.440
gut. We're using the Polaris point. We're going
00:14:33.440 --> 00:14:36.299
to come out with what I call diplomatic influence.
00:14:36.559 --> 00:14:39.139
That's what I call with emotional intelligence
00:14:39.139 --> 00:14:41.740
way of number four, when we're influencing other
00:14:41.740 --> 00:14:44.480
people, we're being fair. We're communicating
00:14:44.480 --> 00:14:47.200
so people are not in the dark. We're sharing,
00:14:47.679 --> 00:14:49.679
okay, we're making this decision because this
00:14:49.679 --> 00:14:53.750
is the best for You and for the business or you
00:14:53.750 --> 00:14:56.509
and for me, this is a win win in the best way
00:14:56.509 --> 00:15:00.389
that I can see it be for everybody. And I know
00:15:00.389 --> 00:15:02.269
your personal goals are this and your professional
00:15:02.269 --> 00:15:04.330
goals are this. And I think this is going to
00:15:04.330 --> 00:15:06.769
be most aligned, even if that means parting ways
00:15:06.769 --> 00:15:09.389
with the other person, even if this is a termination
00:15:09.389 --> 00:15:12.950
conversation or a partnership dissolving conversation.
00:15:13.419 --> 00:15:15.960
you're still presenting this as a win -win so
00:15:15.960 --> 00:15:18.039
that everybody is feeling good so we can move
00:15:18.039 --> 00:15:21.120
fast and get to the next chapter and move on
00:15:21.120 --> 00:15:23.779
from this conversation and not get stuck in this
00:15:23.779 --> 00:15:27.120
indecision or in personal conflict as part of
00:15:27.120 --> 00:15:29.940
the decision. So emotional intelligence is really
00:15:29.940 --> 00:15:32.639
about... recognizing your own state. If you're
00:15:32.639 --> 00:15:34.919
having a terrible, horrible day, we know the
00:15:34.919 --> 00:15:36.519
book, what we read with a kid, I can't remember.
00:15:37.100 --> 00:15:39.580
Alexander. Yes, Alexander. Yes, have a terrible,
00:15:39.580 --> 00:15:41.659
horrible day. I call it the two minute rule.
00:15:41.879 --> 00:15:44.299
Give yourself a timeframe of how long you want
00:15:44.299 --> 00:15:48.440
to feel. Like I'm so flipping mad about this
00:15:48.440 --> 00:15:50.659
circumstance. Like I want to kill somebody right
00:15:50.659 --> 00:15:52.759
now. I can't believe this person did this to
00:15:52.759 --> 00:15:55.039
me. We're human. We're going to feel this. So
00:15:55.039 --> 00:15:57.919
give yourself a time frame. I call it two minutes.
00:15:58.019 --> 00:16:00.779
Um, when I was a little kid, I had a temper tantrum
00:16:00.779 --> 00:16:02.399
and I wasn't playing my friends and my parents
00:16:02.399 --> 00:16:03.779
said, how long do you want to have a tantrum
00:16:03.779 --> 00:16:06.559
and not play? And I said, two more minutes. And
00:16:06.559 --> 00:16:09.100
I went in the corner and I composed myself and
00:16:09.100 --> 00:16:12.220
I came back and went to play. So I chose how
00:16:12.220 --> 00:16:16.019
long I wanted to. be miserable and not have fun.
00:16:16.399 --> 00:16:18.340
And so as an adult, we can do the same. Like
00:16:18.340 --> 00:16:21.179
this thing happened. This partnership is falling
00:16:21.179 --> 00:16:24.419
apart. There is a lawsuit. Like something is
00:16:24.419 --> 00:16:27.620
not good, right? And it's external and we can't
00:16:27.620 --> 00:16:29.460
control it, but we can control our emotional
00:16:29.460 --> 00:16:32.340
reaction to it. So how long do I want to feel
00:16:32.340 --> 00:16:34.340
horrible about this before I want to feel like
00:16:34.340 --> 00:16:37.879
I'm in control? I have confidence. I have clarity.
00:16:38.179 --> 00:16:41.059
I'm not necessarily joyful, but I am feeling
00:16:41.059 --> 00:16:43.740
like I can make decisions that are not out of
00:16:43.740 --> 00:16:46.279
fear and out of a negative state and then start
00:16:46.279 --> 00:16:51.299
to impact others in that process. Long response
00:16:51.299 --> 00:16:53.559
to emotional intelligence. I speak on this at
00:16:53.559 --> 00:16:56.139
keynotes all the time, but there's so many different
00:16:56.139 --> 00:16:58.360
facets of how emotional intelligence impacts
00:16:58.360 --> 00:17:01.240
decisions. The first is recognizing our emotional
00:17:01.240 --> 00:17:03.480
state, getting control of it, and then starting
00:17:03.480 --> 00:17:06.579
to understand how we can impact others. With
00:17:06.579 --> 00:17:09.839
diplomatic influence is really the critical piece
00:17:09.839 --> 00:17:13.099
of emotional intelligence in a professional setting.
00:17:13.500 --> 00:17:16.299
Because we are human and we have emotions. They're
00:17:16.299 --> 00:17:18.940
going to impact our decisions It's just are we
00:17:18.940 --> 00:17:22.460
aware of when and how they're impacting our decisions.
00:17:22.779 --> 00:17:26.039
That is the most interesting explanation of emotional
00:17:26.039 --> 00:17:28.079
intelligence I've ever heard because I feel like
00:17:28.079 --> 00:17:30.059
we throw that word out there a lot Especially
00:17:30.059 --> 00:17:31.660
we're talking about somebody who wants to be
00:17:31.660 --> 00:17:33.539
in leadership. Do they have the emotional intelligence?
00:17:33.539 --> 00:17:35.619
We throw that out there, but it's always about
00:17:35.619 --> 00:17:38.619
being aware of other people's feelings and how
00:17:38.619 --> 00:17:40.039
they're going to respond. I've never thought
00:17:40.039 --> 00:17:42.559
about it with like yourself. And that's huge.
00:17:42.599 --> 00:17:45.779
That's such an important part. So I love that.
00:17:45.799 --> 00:17:48.640
And the diplomatic influence. That's great. Yes.
00:17:49.160 --> 00:17:51.099
Yes. And I also am a big fan of the two minute
00:17:51.099 --> 00:17:52.559
because there was times where like, okay, before
00:17:52.559 --> 00:17:54.740
I respond to this email or before I pick up the
00:17:54.740 --> 00:17:58.259
phone, like I need to just walk away and get
00:17:58.259 --> 00:18:01.119
a little clarity. Exactly. Exactly. Take that
00:18:01.119 --> 00:18:03.180
break. Take that minute. It might be two minutes.
00:18:03.319 --> 00:18:05.480
It might be a day. It might be a week, depending
00:18:05.480 --> 00:18:08.000
on your personality. Just give yourself the timeframe.
00:18:08.220 --> 00:18:10.519
Like I'm going to give myself X period of time.
00:18:10.640 --> 00:18:14.140
And then I'm going to come back to this situation
00:18:14.140 --> 00:18:18.579
and I am going to intentionally release the negative
00:18:18.579 --> 00:18:20.220
emotional state. And I'm going to come back to
00:18:20.220 --> 00:18:23.759
this with clarity and calmness. Yeah. Oh, that's
00:18:23.759 --> 00:18:26.119
so great. So let's switch gears. Let's talk a
00:18:26.119 --> 00:18:28.640
little bit about that internal clarity and that
00:18:28.640 --> 00:18:30.559
outside pressure. And I think this is a big one,
00:18:30.680 --> 00:18:32.859
especially for a lot of our high achieving women
00:18:32.859 --> 00:18:35.160
listeners who are hearing this. And, you know,
00:18:35.180 --> 00:18:37.160
we get really good at building this, what looks
00:18:37.160 --> 00:18:39.640
like an impressive life from the outside, the
00:18:39.640 --> 00:18:41.380
title, the business, the crazy calendar, the
00:18:41.380 --> 00:18:43.960
reputation. And then suddenly we realize like,
00:18:43.960 --> 00:18:46.519
Oh my gosh, we're exhausted. We're disconnected
00:18:46.519 --> 00:18:49.890
or resentful. So how do we, if we're Someone's
00:18:49.890 --> 00:18:51.309
listening to us and feeling that way, right?
00:18:51.390 --> 00:18:53.910
Like it's it's emitting that but how do we explain
00:18:53.910 --> 00:18:55.970
the difference? I guess first between that intrinsic
00:18:55.970 --> 00:18:59.230
and Intrinsic and extrinsic decision -making
00:18:59.230 --> 00:19:01.430
and then what does that look like when we kind
00:19:01.430 --> 00:19:04.170
of need to do some self evaluation? Definitely.
00:19:04.650 --> 00:19:07.069
So at any given time we're navigating extrinsic
00:19:07.069 --> 00:19:09.769
change. These are things outside of our control.
00:19:10.009 --> 00:19:14.920
So this is like regulatory changes that are coming
00:19:14.920 --> 00:19:18.000
from political issues. This is geopolitical issues.
00:19:18.500 --> 00:19:21.640
This is environmental, right? There's an environmental
00:19:21.640 --> 00:19:24.599
catastrophe in our area. Something happens. I
00:19:24.599 --> 00:19:27.180
live in South Florida. We get hurricanes. So
00:19:27.180 --> 00:19:31.950
we have these big outside forces. economic changes,
00:19:32.349 --> 00:19:35.390
right? Big outside forces or big industry changes.
00:19:35.829 --> 00:19:37.970
So there's the big three. There's environment,
00:19:38.269 --> 00:19:40.630
there's industry being impacted right now. We're
00:19:40.630 --> 00:19:42.930
seeing AI impact industries. And then there's
00:19:42.930 --> 00:19:46.809
sort of this like regulatory compliance, political,
00:19:46.809 --> 00:19:49.109
you know, things. These are like the big three
00:19:49.109 --> 00:19:51.930
other than our health, you know, and their or
00:19:51.930 --> 00:19:54.150
our immediate family's health. And hopefully
00:19:54.150 --> 00:19:56.230
that does not happen to anybody with getting
00:19:56.230 --> 00:19:58.750
an unforeseen health diagnosis. But these things
00:19:58.750 --> 00:20:02.549
are for most, most of us outside of our control
00:20:02.549 --> 00:20:05.329
for most reasons. Everything else is pretty much
00:20:05.329 --> 00:20:07.490
in our control. We just think it's not in our
00:20:07.490 --> 00:20:10.289
control. So, you know, we can't control the weather,
00:20:10.349 --> 00:20:13.089
but we can control if we put a rain jacket on
00:20:13.089 --> 00:20:15.529
or have an umbrella. So are we going to stop
00:20:15.529 --> 00:20:17.950
the rain from happening? No, but we can stop
00:20:17.950 --> 00:20:22.210
ourselves from getting cold or shivering or feeling
00:20:22.210 --> 00:20:25.470
overly unpleasant and uncomfortable in the rain.
00:20:25.670 --> 00:20:28.069
And that is what I think is most critical to
00:20:28.069 --> 00:20:30.329
think about. We're thinking about navigating
00:20:30.329 --> 00:20:33.630
change and taking on too much. So over time,
00:20:34.250 --> 00:20:36.569
we say yes to a lot of things. Our calendar gets
00:20:36.569 --> 00:20:39.509
very full. There's all these extrinsic pressures
00:20:39.509 --> 00:20:42.089
that we were perceiving as extrinsic, but they're
00:20:42.089 --> 00:20:44.769
not really the big four. They're really things
00:20:44.769 --> 00:20:47.349
that are inside of our control that we've allowed.
00:20:47.740 --> 00:20:51.279
to influence and impact our daily schedule, our
00:20:51.279 --> 00:20:54.480
mindset, our morale, and we're feeling like it's
00:20:54.480 --> 00:20:56.779
outside of our control. We're feeling like, you
00:20:56.779 --> 00:20:59.440
know, if you're in management that, you know,
00:20:59.519 --> 00:21:01.960
there is a boss or supervisor that has expectations
00:21:01.960 --> 00:21:06.259
or if you are a team leader or if you are a business
00:21:06.259 --> 00:21:09.640
owner, you feel like you have expectations of
00:21:09.640 --> 00:21:12.289
your team. that you have to deliver for them
00:21:12.289 --> 00:21:14.430
or sometimes it's family sometimes it's community
00:21:14.430 --> 00:21:17.769
and we say yes to so many things because we're
00:21:17.769 --> 00:21:20.509
feeling like we quote have to say yes to these
00:21:20.509 --> 00:21:23.609
many things but the reality is we're doing that
00:21:23.609 --> 00:21:27.089
out of fear of Other people's perception of us
00:21:27.089 --> 00:21:29.549
fear of letting people down fear of not looking
00:21:29.549 --> 00:21:32.569
successful like we can quote do it all uh fear
00:21:32.569 --> 00:21:34.910
of looking like we're a failure in some way if
00:21:34.910 --> 00:21:38.289
we don't do all these things and Be presidents
00:21:38.289 --> 00:21:40.250
of all these organizations and sit on all these
00:21:40.250 --> 00:21:42.990
boards and do all the all these things, you know
00:21:42.990 --> 00:21:45.809
So then we are quote less than right in our minds
00:21:45.809 --> 00:21:47.690
if we're a high achieving person then that's
00:21:47.690 --> 00:21:50.809
the perception that we have but what can happen
00:21:50.809 --> 00:21:53.990
is you wake up one day and you're like what the
00:21:53.990 --> 00:21:57.269
heck is going on with my life? Like there's way
00:21:57.269 --> 00:22:01.089
too many things going on. I have lost myself
00:22:01.089 --> 00:22:03.930
in this process. I've said yes to way too many
00:22:03.930 --> 00:22:05.970
things that actually really are in my control.
00:22:06.329 --> 00:22:08.569
If I put some boundaries up and say, no, I'm
00:22:08.569 --> 00:22:11.549
not a failure or less than, I'm just protecting
00:22:11.549 --> 00:22:14.650
my peace so that I can actually do better for
00:22:14.650 --> 00:22:16.970
the people that are most critical and the initiatives
00:22:16.970 --> 00:22:20.789
that are most critical. And the number one tip
00:22:20.789 --> 00:22:24.750
that I have, opportunity to spend four months
00:22:24.750 --> 00:22:28.309
alone in Morocco for a period of time in 2021.
00:22:28.450 --> 00:22:29.950
Yes, that's the answer. We should all go to Morocco
00:22:29.950 --> 00:22:35.529
by ourselves. Spend time by yourself. Because
00:22:35.529 --> 00:22:37.769
after that experience, I got so much clarity.
00:22:38.029 --> 00:22:40.049
That's actually a part of what made the exit
00:22:40.049 --> 00:22:42.549
from my prior business. Big decisions were made
00:22:42.549 --> 00:22:45.690
because all of a sudden it was not my 50 plus
00:22:45.690 --> 00:22:48.390
shareholders or my board or other people's pressure.
00:22:48.730 --> 00:22:52.089
I got clarity on me. And I was like, this is
00:22:52.089 --> 00:22:55.809
not This business is not me anymore. This is
00:22:55.809 --> 00:22:58.380
not. identity. This is not what I wanted to be.
00:22:58.400 --> 00:23:00.119
This is not what I'm passionate about. Doesn't
00:23:00.119 --> 00:23:02.920
bring me joy and fulfillment. And the only way
00:23:02.920 --> 00:23:04.579
to really do that is to get comfortable with
00:23:04.579 --> 00:23:08.259
yourself and so that you're not living life to
00:23:08.259 --> 00:23:12.980
just please or to achieve something for someone
00:23:12.980 --> 00:23:15.519
else. You're achieving only for yourself. So
00:23:15.519 --> 00:23:17.859
it doesn't have to be Morocco, but I love that
00:23:17.859 --> 00:23:22.140
idea. You spend even a weekend by yourself if
00:23:22.140 --> 00:23:24.019
you can do that. And most people will say they
00:23:24.019 --> 00:23:26.019
cannot. I would never have said that. I could
00:23:26.019 --> 00:23:29.200
spend four months, but I think it's critical
00:23:29.200 --> 00:23:32.880
that you understand yourself by yourself and
00:23:32.880 --> 00:23:36.359
you understand who you are, what you want, what
00:23:36.359 --> 00:23:38.160
brings you joy and what brings you fulfillment.
00:23:38.500 --> 00:23:40.819
If you do not understand yourself and you're
00:23:40.819 --> 00:23:43.279
very uncomfortable being alone, you will always
00:23:43.279 --> 00:23:46.339
be in the trap of taking on too much to please
00:23:46.339 --> 00:23:49.140
others and achieve for others until you can get
00:23:49.140 --> 00:23:51.099
comfortable by yourself. I love Jay Shetty's
00:23:51.099 --> 00:23:53.660
book. I love Jay Shetty's principles because
00:23:53.660 --> 00:23:56.130
he did something similar. If you can get comfortable
00:23:56.130 --> 00:23:59.289
alone, you will find that path of when to say,
00:23:59.470 --> 00:24:02.170
no, you be comfortable. And you'll know this
00:24:02.170 --> 00:24:05.089
has nothing to do with the, with my value because
00:24:05.089 --> 00:24:07.390
I'm saying no to this thing. It's because I'm,
00:24:07.390 --> 00:24:10.150
I want to put my energy really in this other
00:24:10.150 --> 00:24:14.390
thing that is most important to me. And so that's,
00:24:14.390 --> 00:24:17.390
that's my biggest tip. No, I love that. I totally
00:24:17.390 --> 00:24:19.849
agree. If somebody says, okay, I got 24 hours,
00:24:19.990 --> 00:24:23.269
I can go, you know, stay at a local hotel. I
00:24:23.269 --> 00:24:24.910
can see you sliding up to do this, you know,
00:24:25.029 --> 00:24:26.650
and then like, okay, now what? What do I do?
00:24:26.670 --> 00:24:29.589
Do I just, do I sit here in silence? Like, what
00:24:29.589 --> 00:24:32.329
would be if you have 24 hours to focus on this?
00:24:32.349 --> 00:24:35.910
What would you do? No phones, no screens. You
00:24:35.910 --> 00:24:39.670
are literally, get there, turn your phone off,
00:24:39.849 --> 00:24:41.869
go to the hotel, wherever it is. I'm a beach
00:24:41.869 --> 00:24:43.829
person, so I'm water person. Somewhere near the
00:24:43.829 --> 00:24:45.750
ocean is for me, some people like the mountains,
00:24:46.250 --> 00:24:49.670
somewhere where there's a natural something that
00:24:49.670 --> 00:24:52.559
excites you and makes you feel at peace. It doesn't
00:24:52.559 --> 00:24:55.799
have to be super duper remote. Where I was was,
00:24:55.839 --> 00:24:57.619
but it doesn't have to be the more remote. You
00:24:57.619 --> 00:24:59.460
get brownie points though, if you do go remote.
00:25:00.220 --> 00:25:03.180
But if that really makes you panic, it could
00:25:03.180 --> 00:25:06.500
be where there's people around, but no screens
00:25:06.500 --> 00:25:11.619
and no communication. And you sit there and you
00:25:11.619 --> 00:25:14.200
go, what do I do? And it's very uncomfortable
00:25:14.200 --> 00:25:17.740
at first, super uncomfortable. And then you just
00:25:17.740 --> 00:25:19.279
kind of figure out like, I'm going to just go
00:25:19.279 --> 00:25:22.240
for a walk, or I'm going to just go downstairs
00:25:22.240 --> 00:25:24.759
and get coffee. And I'm going to talk to a stranger
00:25:24.759 --> 00:25:26.339
who's sitting next to me, which I would never
00:25:26.339 --> 00:25:29.279
normally do. And I might learn something about
00:25:29.279 --> 00:25:31.880
myself and having a conversation with this stranger
00:25:31.880 --> 00:25:35.519
and learn something about them too. But you realize
00:25:35.519 --> 00:25:38.160
that uncomfortableness of like, what do I do?
00:25:38.200 --> 00:25:41.950
That's the point. is there's no expectation for
00:25:41.950 --> 00:25:44.829
this 24 hours. There's no right or wrong. There's
00:25:44.829 --> 00:25:47.750
no A plus rating. There is no revenue profit
00:25:47.750 --> 00:25:51.089
and loss statement. This is just you figuring
00:25:51.089 --> 00:25:55.910
out you and the act of doing nothing. When you
00:25:55.910 --> 00:25:58.630
come back, the clarity comes when you come back
00:25:58.630 --> 00:26:01.250
in the reentry. The clarity does not come in
00:26:01.250 --> 00:26:03.930
the moment while you're there. When you're there,
00:26:03.990 --> 00:26:06.079
you're kind of like, What the heck do I do? I'm
00:26:06.079 --> 00:26:07.160
bored. I don't know what to do. I don't know
00:26:07.160 --> 00:26:09.960
if I can do this. And you're spiraling in your
00:26:09.960 --> 00:26:11.819
head thinking like, I'm going to leave. I'm going
00:26:11.819 --> 00:26:13.240
to call someone. I'm going to turn my phone on.
00:26:13.480 --> 00:26:16.680
I can't do it. But when you do it, the clarity
00:26:16.680 --> 00:26:20.880
comes at the end. So the point is not to know
00:26:20.880 --> 00:26:22.500
what you're going to do when you're there. That's
00:26:22.500 --> 00:26:26.160
the point. It's just a clean day or week or weekend.
00:26:26.759 --> 00:26:29.039
I love that. And it's funny. I used to travel
00:26:29.039 --> 00:26:31.420
a lot more. I still travel for work by myself.
00:26:31.529 --> 00:26:34.190
course. And in the beginning, it was like I would
00:26:34.190 --> 00:26:35.970
go to my hotel room and do all this work and
00:26:35.970 --> 00:26:39.369
be super focused and overly productive. And now
00:26:39.369 --> 00:26:41.430
the last couple years, I would say sometimes
00:26:41.430 --> 00:26:43.890
I would try to go sit at a bar by myself, which
00:26:43.890 --> 00:26:46.630
is super uncomfortable, or go for a walk and
00:26:46.630 --> 00:26:49.369
just disconnect more once, you know, my work
00:26:49.369 --> 00:26:51.930
responsibilities were done. And I will tell you,
00:26:51.930 --> 00:26:54.390
it was super awkward for me at first because
00:26:54.390 --> 00:26:55.849
I'm extroverted. I like to be around people.
00:26:55.950 --> 00:26:58.269
I feel like I constantly need to be busy. I just
00:26:58.269 --> 00:27:01.099
don't want to sit there. So it took time. and
00:27:01.099 --> 00:27:03.420
I was just in New York, the busiest city in the
00:27:03.420 --> 00:27:06.339
world, right? Like, and I tried to like disconnect
00:27:06.339 --> 00:27:09.859
and have that time to just even be down, right?
00:27:09.880 --> 00:27:12.779
Because it's constantly just this feel of output
00:27:12.779 --> 00:27:15.400
and you just can't think. And that's why I think
00:27:15.400 --> 00:27:17.319
even little things when people talk about getting
00:27:17.319 --> 00:27:20.599
their best ideas in the shower, on a run, like
00:27:20.599 --> 00:27:24.099
it's because you're not like in overdrive. And
00:27:24.099 --> 00:27:26.039
this is bad to mix. I know I'm not supposed to
00:27:26.039 --> 00:27:28.490
do it, but when I go to yoga, I'm supposed to
00:27:28.490 --> 00:27:30.089
be focused and I have to be focused or I messed
00:27:30.089 --> 00:27:32.009
up because they're moving. It's power yoga, right?
00:27:32.049 --> 00:27:35.430
Like it's super fast, but so many times like
00:27:35.430 --> 00:27:37.130
either right near the end or after I'm like oh
00:27:37.130 --> 00:27:39.589
shoot I have this idea or oh I need to do this
00:27:39.589 --> 00:27:42.569
and it's like this clarity because I'm I am disconnected
00:27:42.569 --> 00:27:44.630
I'm trying to trying to stay present focused
00:27:44.630 --> 00:27:47.269
on my breaths but it's just that difference of
00:27:47.269 --> 00:27:49.470
not sitting there and I can't be thinking I need
00:27:49.470 --> 00:27:51.569
to do later I'm gonna be doing the wrong pose
00:27:51.569 --> 00:27:55.049
yeah even those little moments if you can capitalize
00:27:55.049 --> 00:27:57.990
on them I think can make a big difference definitely
00:27:57.990 --> 00:28:00.809
a thousand percent so do you recommend you know
00:28:00.809 --> 00:28:02.670
we talked about the north star and the employers
00:28:02.670 --> 00:28:05.720
point Do you do that personally? Like should
00:28:05.720 --> 00:28:08.400
people have that plan and that sort of goal that
00:28:08.400 --> 00:28:10.220
you talked about from a company perspective and
00:28:10.220 --> 00:28:13.500
tried to do that personally? Yes. So I highly
00:28:13.500 --> 00:28:15.640
recommend this. I started doing this after attending
00:28:15.640 --> 00:28:20.519
some events with Tony Robbins in 2017. When I
00:28:20.519 --> 00:28:22.400
was facing some big, big decisions in business
00:28:22.400 --> 00:28:25.279
and life, I spent some time and went to 11 different
00:28:25.279 --> 00:28:27.160
events with Tony Robbins. I walked on fire and
00:28:27.160 --> 00:28:29.960
did all, all of the things that he did. So cool.
00:28:30.259 --> 00:28:33.220
And yes. And that's when I started with with
00:28:33.220 --> 00:28:35.539
very intentional kind of this goal setting and
00:28:35.539 --> 00:28:39.140
being very specific about compartmentalizing
00:28:39.140 --> 00:28:41.859
the goals in different areas of life and business.
00:28:42.240 --> 00:28:45.039
So you have the financial, you have the time
00:28:45.039 --> 00:28:46.819
and the kind of the freedom. What does that mean?
00:28:47.140 --> 00:28:50.279
And you have the relationships and in there you
00:28:50.279 --> 00:28:52.880
have some contribution goals and things like
00:28:52.880 --> 00:28:56.190
that. Now, my husband and I actually do this
00:28:56.190 --> 00:28:59.470
a couple times a year. We travel because we like
00:28:59.470 --> 00:29:01.750
the disconnect. We travel to another country
00:29:01.750 --> 00:29:04.549
and we're not speaking English. There's another
00:29:04.549 --> 00:29:07.089
language because that changes our mindset. Now
00:29:07.089 --> 00:29:09.430
we cannot be thinking as much about the day -to
00:29:09.430 --> 00:29:10.710
-day life because we're in a different culture,
00:29:10.910 --> 00:29:14.210
different foods, different language. And we will
00:29:14.210 --> 00:29:17.589
break down the targets in each area of life.
00:29:17.609 --> 00:29:21.170
And we will assess, okay, since the last year's
00:29:21.170 --> 00:29:24.720
goals, how close are we? and where are we off
00:29:24.720 --> 00:29:27.619
target? And then we will set, okay, what do we
00:29:27.619 --> 00:29:29.700
need to do in the next 90 days? But it's not
00:29:29.700 --> 00:29:33.680
necessarily what, it's almost always who. So
00:29:33.680 --> 00:29:38.759
it's almost always who do we need to separate
00:29:38.759 --> 00:29:42.019
a little bit? from in our life and or eliminate?
00:29:42.339 --> 00:29:45.920
And who do we need to add more of? Because if
00:29:45.920 --> 00:29:48.680
we just say, what do we need to do? It just becomes
00:29:48.680 --> 00:29:53.359
an endless list of to do tasks that is not realistic.
00:29:53.799 --> 00:29:58.799
So the answer is the target goal is X in the
00:29:58.799 --> 00:30:02.660
four different areas. How close did we get? And
00:30:02.660 --> 00:30:05.799
if we missed, if we hit it, we celebrate. great,
00:30:06.079 --> 00:30:08.200
let's set some new ones. If we missed, we think,
00:30:08.319 --> 00:30:11.119
okay, why did we miss? this, this, this, and
00:30:11.119 --> 00:30:13.519
this happened. Okay, this, this, and this needs
00:30:13.519 --> 00:30:16.160
to happen. There are some things that I personally
00:30:16.160 --> 00:30:18.839
can do, but if I haven't done them, there's a
00:30:18.839 --> 00:30:21.079
reason why. I don't have the right accountability
00:30:21.079 --> 00:30:22.960
person. I don't have the right person on the
00:30:22.960 --> 00:30:26.579
team. Maybe like for me, health is something
00:30:26.579 --> 00:30:29.319
that I am intentional about and I have terrible
00:30:29.319 --> 00:30:31.619
habits on. So do I need to get a health coach,
00:30:31.720 --> 00:30:35.519
a trainer, et cetera? Do I need to sign up for?
00:30:36.629 --> 00:30:38.990
I'm up here in my house in Maine. I do golf lessons
00:30:38.990 --> 00:30:42.190
when I'm up here. So how do I need to be accountable
00:30:42.190 --> 00:30:45.710
to this thing? If golf was part of my personal
00:30:45.710 --> 00:30:48.789
goals and I didn't hit it, well, then clearly
00:30:48.789 --> 00:30:50.369
I'm not gonna do it on my own. I need to go and
00:30:50.369 --> 00:30:52.609
get who, who do I need to hold me accountable?
00:30:52.990 --> 00:30:54.829
If it's a professional setting or financial.
00:30:55.359 --> 00:30:58.400
We missed the target. Who on the team do we need
00:30:58.400 --> 00:31:00.799
to adjust, right? And so then we're looking at
00:31:00.799 --> 00:31:03.660
these next 90 days and we immediately in that
00:31:03.660 --> 00:31:05.819
moment, we set three meetings. The thing that
00:31:05.819 --> 00:31:08.400
we missed the target on. In that moment in time,
00:31:08.519 --> 00:31:10.839
we're like, who are we calling? We send them
00:31:10.839 --> 00:31:12.619
an email or text. Hey, can you talk next week?
00:31:12.660 --> 00:31:14.720
We're traveling right now. I want to get on your
00:31:14.720 --> 00:31:17.099
calendar. So this might be a team member. This
00:31:17.099 --> 00:31:20.539
could be a coach or mentor. And then we do this
00:31:20.539 --> 00:31:22.440
twice a year, Christmas and New Year's and again
00:31:22.440 --> 00:31:25.000
around 4th of July. We look again at the goal
00:31:25.000 --> 00:31:28.000
setting and we align our three level of who's.
00:31:28.119 --> 00:31:30.180
We call it a group of people that are like mentors
00:31:30.180 --> 00:31:34.190
and coaches. Could be business. could be personal,
00:31:34.569 --> 00:31:36.829
it could be health, right? It could be relationship,
00:31:37.029 --> 00:31:39.549
anybody that's a mentor that has some wisdom
00:31:39.549 --> 00:31:41.589
in this area. It doesn't have to be in even in
00:31:41.589 --> 00:31:46.089
our. our business industry just has wisdom. Some
00:31:46.089 --> 00:31:49.069
peers that we need to network with, collaborate
00:31:49.069 --> 00:31:52.269
with, and then our team. So three level of who's,
00:31:52.769 --> 00:31:55.309
who's our team of mentors and coaches, who's
00:31:55.309 --> 00:31:57.549
our team of mentors and peers that we can bounce
00:31:57.549 --> 00:32:00.650
ideas and cross -pollinate, promote, and who's
00:32:00.650 --> 00:32:04.609
on our team. And twice a year, we set a target
00:32:04.609 --> 00:32:07.230
of if we've missed our goals, if we're off track,
00:32:07.329 --> 00:32:09.230
what are three conversations we need to have
00:32:09.230 --> 00:32:11.829
with different levels of the who's. Immediately
00:32:11.829 --> 00:32:15.210
so that the next 90 days will be different Wow,
00:32:15.390 --> 00:32:17.950
that is so impressive and you hit so many important
00:32:17.950 --> 00:32:20.970
important points the planning piece right obviously
00:32:20.970 --> 00:32:24.029
and being intentional, but you mentioned other
00:32:24.029 --> 00:32:26.640
people that You're not doing this alone, right?
00:32:26.700 --> 00:32:28.640
It can be super overwhelming if you're sitting
00:32:28.640 --> 00:32:30.740
there trying to figure everything out. And oh,
00:32:30.740 --> 00:32:32.279
by the way, you also have an accountability partner
00:32:32.279 --> 00:32:34.500
with your husband, which is amazing. But I think
00:32:34.500 --> 00:32:36.279
that's where a lot of us get really hung up is
00:32:36.279 --> 00:32:38.099
we think we have to sit there and do it all by
00:32:38.099 --> 00:32:40.680
ourselves and figure it all out. And you're relying
00:32:40.680 --> 00:32:44.220
on a different team of people depending on the
00:32:44.220 --> 00:32:46.140
situation. So I love that so much. That's so
00:32:46.140 --> 00:32:50.039
great. So it's funny, we started off this conversation
00:32:50.039 --> 00:32:53.539
talking about decision -making and then we talked
00:32:53.539 --> 00:32:56.099
for a couple different situations. But at the
00:32:56.099 --> 00:32:58.619
end of the day, I think your superpower is clarity,
00:32:58.619 --> 00:33:01.759
right? Like you help people get clear. And a
00:33:01.759 --> 00:33:03.299
lot of times we don't want to make a decision
00:33:03.299 --> 00:33:05.559
because we're not clear or we're not doing the
00:33:05.559 --> 00:33:08.180
whole head -heart cut. So the fact that you have
00:33:08.180 --> 00:33:11.720
this approach to get clear and then take action
00:33:11.720 --> 00:33:14.759
is amazing. So if someone's sitting here, what
00:33:14.759 --> 00:33:16.859
parting words can you leave them with where they're
00:33:16.859 --> 00:33:19.480
like, I need to do something different, whether
00:33:19.480 --> 00:33:22.559
it's personal. or for their business, what's
00:33:22.559 --> 00:33:25.019
that first move that they can make? Because it
00:33:25.019 --> 00:33:26.960
does feel overwhelming even though you did break
00:33:26.960 --> 00:33:30.559
it down really well. The very first move is just
00:33:30.559 --> 00:33:32.519
to identify the one conversation that needs to
00:33:32.519 --> 00:33:35.339
be had. What is the one conversation with the
00:33:35.339 --> 00:33:37.940
one person that you're avoiding? That is the
00:33:37.940 --> 00:33:40.900
very first step. There is something right now
00:33:40.900 --> 00:33:44.240
that you want. that is more achievable than you
00:33:44.240 --> 00:33:46.819
think. And there is one conversation that needs
00:33:46.819 --> 00:33:49.019
to be had. And this is either someone you're
00:33:49.019 --> 00:33:51.059
bringing into your ecosystem or someone that
00:33:51.059 --> 00:33:54.180
you're separating from out of your ecosystem.
00:33:54.980 --> 00:33:58.240
And my biggest suggestion is set that meeting
00:33:58.240 --> 00:34:00.640
up. Set the meeting up, have the conversation.
00:34:00.880 --> 00:34:03.420
Who needs to come into your world? A coach, a
00:34:03.420 --> 00:34:06.569
mentor, a team member. Who is it that you need
00:34:06.569 --> 00:34:09.429
more of and who is it that you need less of?
00:34:09.530 --> 00:34:12.269
Who is it that in your life is slowing you down?
00:34:12.289 --> 00:34:14.590
And it doesn't matter if this is a significant
00:34:14.590 --> 00:34:16.710
other. This doesn't matter if this is a team
00:34:16.710 --> 00:34:21.030
member, an employee, or if this is someone in
00:34:21.030 --> 00:34:23.489
your social circuit that just is negative energy,
00:34:23.650 --> 00:34:27.329
that is a distraction. Who needs to be separated
00:34:27.329 --> 00:34:30.329
from and who do you need more of and take an
00:34:30.329 --> 00:34:33.719
immediate step to have a meeting that will make
00:34:33.719 --> 00:34:36.219
this start to happen? Who are the people that
00:34:36.219 --> 00:34:38.619
you need? If this is a very, very hard conversation,
00:34:39.019 --> 00:34:42.179
who do you need around you to have this one conversation?
00:34:42.239 --> 00:34:44.260
Because if you don't face the one conversation
00:34:44.260 --> 00:34:46.780
with the one person, you are holding yourself
00:34:46.780 --> 00:34:49.820
back. Oh, I love that so much, Casey. This is
00:34:49.820 --> 00:34:52.559
amazing advice and a plan that I think is very
00:34:52.559 --> 00:34:54.300
actionable. And I'm literally thinking in my
00:34:54.300 --> 00:34:55.800
head some things I need to do this afternoon.
00:34:55.900 --> 00:34:58.519
So thank you so much for helping me with my schedule
00:34:58.519 --> 00:35:01.039
and taking some initiative on some of that. If
00:35:01.039 --> 00:35:03.019
people want to connect with you, where's the
00:35:03.019 --> 00:35:06.440
best way to find you? Yeah, so LinkedIn and Instagram,
00:35:06.539 --> 00:35:09.719
Facebook to at Casey D 'Amato. I have a fun tool,
00:35:09.820 --> 00:35:12.699
the decision diagnosis interactive tool. I'll
00:35:12.699 --> 00:35:14.039
send that you can drop it into your show notes
00:35:14.039 --> 00:35:16.179
if it makes sense. So that's kind of fun to give
00:35:16.179 --> 00:35:18.219
you a little analysis on your decision making
00:35:18.219 --> 00:35:20.679
skills. But please send me a message anywhere
00:35:20.679 --> 00:35:23.639
on the social platforms. I'm on there. I try
00:35:23.639 --> 00:35:26.860
to touch base once a day. So I love to chat and
00:35:26.860 --> 00:35:29.940
talk strategy, clarity, Polaris point. I love
00:35:29.940 --> 00:35:32.670
all of that. Great. Thank you. Thank you so much,
00:35:32.849 --> 00:35:35.610
Casey. Thanks, Betsy. I think the biggest takeaway
00:35:35.610 --> 00:35:38.570
is this. Clarity doesn't always mean the decision
00:35:38.570 --> 00:35:41.329
feels easy. Sometimes your head, heart, and gut
00:35:41.329 --> 00:35:43.869
can point you towards the right next move, and
00:35:43.869 --> 00:35:46.409
it can still feel uncomfortable, emotional, or
00:35:46.409 --> 00:35:49.510
disappointing. But staying stuck doesn't protect
00:35:49.510 --> 00:35:51.550
you from the decision. It usually just delays
00:35:51.550 --> 00:35:53.670
the conversation and keeps you spinning your
00:35:53.670 --> 00:35:56.719
wheels. So take a minute and ask yourself, what
00:35:56.719 --> 00:36:00.139
is the one decision I keep revisiting? And underneath
00:36:00.139 --> 00:36:03.119
that, what is the one conversation I may be avoiding?
00:36:04.139 --> 00:36:06.219
Casey also shared her decision diagnostic tool,
00:36:06.260 --> 00:36:08.320
which can help you better understand how you
00:36:08.320 --> 00:36:10.360
make decisions. We'll include that in the show
00:36:10.360 --> 00:36:12.159
notes, along with the links to connect with her
Business Advisor & Executive Life Coach
Kasey D'Amato is a fractional business advisor, executive coach, and leadership development partner who works with family-owned and founder-led businesses navigating growth, transition, and complexity.
With 20 years of experience as a Dermatology PA, Kasey essentially served as Chief of Staff to a physician founder—translating vision into operations, managing team dynamics, and ensuring nothing fell through the cracks. Somewhere along the way, she caught the entrepreneurship bug and built three businesses of her own: a global skincare line and two consulting companies. This combination of human behavior expertise, serial entrepreneurship, and multi level leadership coaching gives her a unique perspective on what it takes to advance a business without sacrificing your sanity or relationships.
Kasey specializes in helping business owners transition from operator to strategic CEO. Her clients are typically navigating major inflection points—positioning for acquisition, transitioning to the next generation, or breaking through growth plateaus. She works at the intersection of data-driven strategy and emotional intelligence, helping leaders make high-stakes decisions with confidence, build cohesive teams (even when family dynamics are involved), and develop the leadership capacity to scale sustainably.
Kasey serves on the University of Miami President's Council and Launch Pad advisory board. She's passionate about giving back to the next generation of leaders and writes the weekly newsletter blog In Your Corner—offering strategic resets for leaders wh… Read More