Women are constantly told to speak up, be more confident and advocate for themselves. But what if that advice completely misses the real problem?
In this episode of Loud & Lifted, Betsy Hamm talks with Elaine Lin Hering, author of Unlearning Silence, about the subtle ways women learn to withhold their opinions, needs, goals and identities for the comfort and convenience of others.
Elaine explains why silence is not simply staying quiet. It can look like always being agreeable, allowing others to take credit, avoiding conflict, putting everyone else’s needs first or reaching a point where you are no longer sure what you think or want.
They also discuss:
• Why women are often rewarded for being easy, helpful and low-maintenance
• How vague expectations around “polish” and “executive presence” silence talented people
• Why having a point of view becomes more important as you advance in your career
• The physical, emotional and relational cost of self-silencing
• How to ask for support without inviting unwanted advice
• Elaine’s two questions for rebuilding your voice: “What do I think?” and “What do I need?”
• Small, low-risk experiments that make speaking up feel less overwhelming
• The practical phrase “From where I sit” for sharing a different perspective
• Why being loud does not mean being the loudest person in the room
This conversation is for any woman who has spent years taking care of everyone else, checking every box and being the dependable one—only to realize she may have lost part of herself along the way.
