Quick Lift: Tough Conversations? Here's What Works
Replay tough conversations on a loop in your head? In this under-10-minute Quick Lift, Betsy Hamm recaps communication expert Sarita Maybin’s simple scripts for saying the hard thing without being the office villain. You’ll learn how to use Sarita’s AIR framework (Awareness, Impact, Request), swap blamey “you” statements for confident “I/we” language, and upgrade one everyday line like “I noticed…” / “I’m wondering…” so you sound clear, not cruel.
Perfect for women in leadership who want more confidence, stronger executive presence, and fewer 3 a.m. “I wish I’d said that differently” replays.
Ever replay a convo and think, “Cool… I said nothing… or I said it wrong”? This Quick Lift is your fix for saying the hard thing—without becoming the villain.
In this Loud & Lifted: Quick Lift recap, Betsy breaks down communication expert Sarita Maybin’s best tools for tough conversations. You’ll learn the AIR framework (Awareness–Impact–Request), how to sound firm without sounding finger-waggy, how to drop confidence-killing qualifiers, and how to stay curious when feedback stings—so you can speak up clearly, protect the relationship, and keep your authority intact.
Takeaways
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Use AIR so you’re clear, not cruel. Name what you’re noticing, why it matters, and what you want instead.
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Firm doesn’t mean fight-y. Swap “you” blame language for I/we ownership language.
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Qualifiers shrink your authority. Stop pre-apologizing for your ideas (“This might be dumb but…”).
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Try the twins: “I noticed…” + “I’m wondering…” Call out behavior without coming in hot.
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When feedback stings, get curious—not defensive. Ask for examples and more context (with the right tone).
Links
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Guest: Sarita Maybin (communication expert & author)
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Full episode: Listen to Sarita’s full Loud & Lifted interview
Quick Lift Action Steps (aka: what to do this week)
1) Write one AIR script (don’t overthink it).
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Awareness: “I’m not sure if you’re aware, but I’ve noticed…”
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Impact: “When that happens, the impact is…”
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Request: “Going forward, I’d like to request…”
2) Upgrade one “you” sentence.
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Instead of: “You need to be on time.”
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Try: “I need you here on time so we can start without backtracking.”
3) Delete one qualifier from your vocabulary.
Replace: “This might not be important…”
With: “I recommend we…”
4) Use “I noticed / I’m wondering” once this week.
“I noticed the deadline passed, and I’m wondering what happened.”
5) Invite feedback (on purpose).
Ask: “What’s one way I can be a better manager next quarter?”
Then: “Can you share an example?” (no eye-rolls… even the invisible ones)
WEBVTT
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Have you ever played a conversation in your head
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and thought, whoa, that came out totally wrong?
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Or you said nothing when you really should have?
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Yeah, same. We all have. This quick lift is for
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those moments when you need to say the hard things,
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but you don't want to be the villain in the story.
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Welcome to Loud and Lifted Quick Lift, the under
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10 minute episode where we turn big insights
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into small, repeatable moves you can actually
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use this week. I'm your host, Betsy Hamm. Today,
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I'm recapping my conversation with Sarita Mabin,
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communications expert and author. We talked about
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how to say what you mean, mean what you say,
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but it doesn't have to be mean. I'm going to
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recap the key takeaways and give you specific
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action items so you can try this in real life,
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whether that's with your boss, your team, your
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partner, or even your kids who've perfected the
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infamous whatever response. Let's get into it.
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Key takeaway number one, use air so you're clear
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and not cruel. Sarita shared her air framework
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for tough conversations and it's so easy. A is
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awareness. Start by assuming they don't know
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there's a problem. I'm not sure if you're aware,
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but here's what I've been noticing. So often
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we get upset with somebody and we don't even
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address to know if they know it's an issue too.
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I, impact. Explain what happened because of it.
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When this happens, here's the impact on the team,
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the timeline, the customer. And R, request. Ask
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for something different and be specific. So an
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example of using air. Going forward, I like to
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request that you be here on time, loop me in
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earlier, send the report by. Instead of stewing
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in resentment, or as Sarita put it, it's like
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taking the poison and waiting for the other person
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to die. You give the other person a clear runway.
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With air, you have, here's the issue. Here's
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why it matters. And here's what to do. So action
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item this week is just write one air script.
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Think of one person you're low key annoyed with
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right now. I know you probably don't have to
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think that long. But then write your script awareness.
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I'm not sure if you realize but I've noticed
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Impact the impact is and request what I'd really
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appreciate going forward is you don't even have
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to say it It's just practicing it So when the
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conversation does come up you feel more comfortable
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being able to address it Getting out of your
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head and into a script just will make it feel
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a lot less scary Next key takeaway your words
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can be firm without being finger waggy Serita
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talked about how quickly we can slip into blame
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mode when we say things like you never you always
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you need to that's verbal finger wag and Spoiler,
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nobody even hears the message. It just feels
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like an attack So she suggests two big shifts
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swap you which is blaming for I or we which sounds
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like ownership So instead of you need to be here
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on time Try, I need you to be here on time so
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we can start the meeting without backtracking.
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Or, we need everyone here by nine so we can stay
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on schedule. Same boundary, still being addressed,
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but it's less battle. So action item here, think
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of one situation and again practice. This is
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going to take a shift or an adjustment to the
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way that you're thinking about approaching your
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communication and it's going to take some practice.
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Next key takeaway, drop the qualifiers that shrank
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your authority. Okay, this is one that women
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definitely struggle with more and qualifier is
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when you're sitting in a meeting and you have
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a great idea and you start your sentence with
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this might not be important or this is probably
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dumb idea or I'm new here I don't mean to offend
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you whatever it is you're putting a qualifier
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on whatever you're going to share next and you
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may think you're being polite or it's an easier
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way to break into conversation but it's actually
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undercutting your authority before you even make
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your point and when you don't sound confident
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and you're really unsure what you're saying Why
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is your audience going to believe you? You don't
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sound like you believe yourself. So think about
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how you're presenting your ideas or even asking
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questions in a meeting, whether it's just a team
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meeting, a staff meeting, or even a one -on -one
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with your boss. You want to make sure that you're
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speaking with confidence and you start your idea
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clean. I think we should move forward with this
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direction. That's it. No qualifiers, no beginning,
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no buts, no being uncomfortable in your seat.
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Just own your thoughts and your ideas and your
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points. Action item here is, if this is something
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that you know you struggle with, think about
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what you can say instead when you typically say
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it. If there's one that you seem to use as a
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crutch more than others, be aware of that and
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figure out what you're going to replace it with.
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And then the second part of this is get an accountability
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partner. Again, this is a great thing that if
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you're in a meeting with a lot of the same people
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or somebody you have a good relationship with,
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Say to them, hey, if you hear me using these
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qualifiers, will you let me know after the meeting?
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Not during the meeting. Don't want to be so confused
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or concerned about it at the time, but just someone
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to help hold you accountable and make you aware.
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Being aware really is the big step and then what
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you're going to replace that with. Next key takeaway,
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Sarita talked about using the twins. I noticed
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and I'm wondering, I love this. This is literally
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gold for calling out behavior when you want to
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come in hot. So often we can get very defensive,
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we can attack people, we can come in aggressive
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or hot and which really isn't going to be a productive
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conversation if that's our approach. But instead,
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if we say we're noticing and wondering, it's
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just a little bit more unarming. I noticed the
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deadline passed and we didn't get the report
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and I'm wondering what happened. or I noticed
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you sighed when we mentioned this project and
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I'm wondering what your concerns are. You're
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not accusing, you're inviting, and you're still
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going to get what you're looking for, but it's
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just in a much less accusatory way. So action
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item here, again, just upgrade one line. Think
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about a situation where this would be helpful
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and write out the script or practice in your
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car. Some people do better when you write things
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down and think about it. That's great. Or sometimes
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just having the conversation out loud in the
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car, in the shower, wherever, by yourself. Sure,
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you're talking to yourself a little bit, but
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it gives you that practice to, again, start to
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feel more comfortable and start to change your
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thought or your perspective of how to approach
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communication. Next key takeaway. Stay curious,
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especially when feedback stings. Now, this one
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really should hit home for leaders because her
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example was when one of the people on her team
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gave her negative feedback about her management
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style. And when someone does give you negative
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feedback, especially about you or maybe something
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you're doing, it's really easy for us wanting
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to explain why we did something or defend. Of
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course, I'm notorious for getting defensive,
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so we're not listening and we're not really taking
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that feedback. And Sarita said that have a different
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approach, have a different role. When you get
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negative feedback, ask for more. And this really
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ties into what Lindsay spoke about a few episodes
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ago. We're asking your team, how can you be a
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better manager? And they're going to probably
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give you feedback that maybe you don't love.
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So ask for more of it. Say, how do you mean?
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Can you give me an example? Can you tell me more
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about that? Now, I will say there's a caveat
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here saying, how do you mean? Or can you give
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me an example? I can say that like, well, how
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do you mean? I can sound curious. Or could you
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give me an example? Still I'm sounding curious,
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but I could sound very. How do you mean with
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my arms crossed and rolling my eyes and moving
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my head and just being physically upset about
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it? So you can't come across defensive in your
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tone or your body language. So this is all part
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of it. This is one to be careful with, but stay
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calm, stay relaxed, make sure your tone and body
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language are a point and then say, Can you give
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me some examples? It just sounds curious, but
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you have to stay genuine. That is the big warning
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sign on this one. Action item, welcome the feedback.
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If you've been avoiding a situation or conversation
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like the, how can I be a better manager? What's
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an area of opportunity for next quarter? Ask,
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do it. And if you're in control of starting the
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conversation, it's a lot easier to be. emotionally
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prepared. Sometimes if somebody just comes in
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hot and gives you feedback that's negative and
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you're not prepared for, they can really catch
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you off guard. But if you take ownership of that
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conversation, then you can go in with the right
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mindset of being open, being calm, being curious.
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From Sarita, we learned a lot. We learned about
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air, the awareness impact request, so you're
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clear, not cruel, protecting the relationship
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and your authority with the I and we language,
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which also included stronger statements and phrases
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like I noticed and I'm wondering. And lastly,
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to stay curious, even if it stings, ask for more,
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don't defend and let email be set for follow
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up and not your battlefield. You don't have to
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choose between saying nothing and being mean.
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There's so much room in the middle and that's
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where real leadership lives. If this quick lift
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was helpful, share it with a friend or a teammate
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who's joining a tough conversation. And if you
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haven't listened to the full episode of Sarita's,
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please do so. As always, until next time, stay
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loud, stay lifted and say what you mean in a
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nice way.
International Speaker, Communication Expert & Author
Sarita Maybin is a dynamic and seasoned speaker, known for empowering audiences with the skills to transform uncomfortable conversations into constructive communication. With a career spanning over two decades as an international speaker and communication expert, Sarita has shared her insights in all 50 states, 10 countries (including Iceland), and on the prestigious TEDx stage. Sarita blends real stories, practical solutions, and a relatable presence that engages her audience and inspires positive action. Sarita is a former university dean of students and has literally written the book on how to respond to the question: “If You Can’t Say Something Nice, What DO You Say?” She continues the conversation in her latest book "Say What You Mean in a Nice Way."