Why Gen Z Is Struggling — and What Managers and Parents Need to Do Differently

WEBVTT

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Welcome to Loud and Lifted. I'm your host, Betsy

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Hamm. There has been a lot of conversation lately

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about Gen Z at work, and not in a flattering

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way. A recent Fortune article highlighted that

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some employees are firing Gen Z grads just months

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after hiring them, pointing to issues like poor

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communication, lack of initiative, and unprofessionalism.

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So today, we're not doing the lazy generational

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hot takes. We're getting into the more useful

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conversation. How do we get here? What does Gen

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Z actually need to succeed? What are managers

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missing? And as parents, how do we support our

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kids without over -helping them or under -preparing

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them? Joining us today is Dr. Andrea Mata, a

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clinical psychologist, speaker, and author whose

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work focuses on Gen Z, their resilience, adaptability,

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accountability, and helping young people build

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the skills they need for real life and real work.

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She's known for a direct, practical approach

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that cuts through the noise and gets to what

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actually helps. In this episode, we talk about

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how managers can better set Gen Z employees up

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for success. the advice Gen Z -ers need to hear,

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and what parents can do to raise capable, resilient

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young adults. Let's get into it. Dr. Dre, welcome

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to Loud and Lifted. Thank you so much for being

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here. Thanks so much for having me. I'm looking

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forward to it. So you have instant credibility

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when I say Dr. Dre, and I can also say Andrea,

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which is a great first name. But I mean, hello,

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Dr. Dre. Like, yes, cool, because you're a doctor,

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but like anybody who grew up with 90s perhaps

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knows that's a great name. So I love it. So thank

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you for being here. And just a little bit of

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background. I was at an event a couple of weeks

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ago and I had two different women come up to

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me after the event that I was speaking was like,

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we need you to cover a certain topic. And I'm

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like, sure, of course. I always love to hear

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what would be relatable to our listeners. And

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separately, they both said, Gen Z, we need help

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with Gen Z. We don't know how to manage them.

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And I was like, That's awesome. I know the perfect

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person to call. So here we are. Thank you for

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being here. Thanks for the inspiration from our

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listeners. So Tommy, how has this become your

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focus? You're a clinical psychologist, but how

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has this become your focus of your work? Yeah.

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So I was a college professor for nine years.

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So I resigned from a job I could never be fired

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from back in 2021. And so I worked with, you

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know, and as they were, as I was leaving, that's

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when the Gen Z's were starting to, you know,

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they started to come into college and So. But

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then I wrote a book, the number two parenting

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book, Practical Tips for the Pooped Out Parent.

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And I remember one of my business coaches looked

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at me and he was like, okay, what's the one thing

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that parents are getting wrong? And I was like,

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gentle parenting. So then I went on this like

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rampage and started screaming like gentle parenting

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doesn't work because it doesn't. And then it

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was like, okay, well, what is gentle parenting?

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What is happening? And it's like, okay, well,

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gentle parenting is leading to all of these issues

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in the workplace and then and it's kind of like

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I love that the two women came up to you and

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like they whispered about it because it's something

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that like people aren't I think people are noticing,

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but people aren't talking about it and they don't

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know why it's happening. They just think like

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Gen Z's are coming out of like the womb like

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soft, but they're not. It's like the the environments

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that we are raising them in, the gentle parenting

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movement for the last 20 years and then more

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of the trauma informed practices in like schools

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and stuff like that. And then when they get to

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the workplace, well, then they think they should

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be promoted within like a a few months of being

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hired, they can't dress, they don't know how

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to behave, they have poor communication. And

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so I'm just starting to see, and more and more

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people are starting to send me stuff about Gen

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Z in the workplace and more research is coming

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out. And so that's kind of how I found my niche,

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where it's like, okay, gentle parenting, and

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what are companies actually gonna care about?

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Companies are gonna care about Gen Z in the workplace

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because it's costing them. money and productivity

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and retention. And they don't even realize it,

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but it's how causing them a huge cost. And it's

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all because of how Gen Zs have been raised. Oh,

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that's so amazing. And I switched because, you

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know, I have two Gen Zers. So I don't want to

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be that person who screws up my kids for the

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future employer. Hopefully not. I don't think

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I'm very gentle. But it's funny because I think

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back to a couple years ago, and you're right,

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nobody was really talking about as bosses. We

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were just like, what the hell's going on? This

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is so annoying. And just sort of rolled our eyes

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and moved on. And now you're starting to see

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more. like research and conversations. And that

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was a Forbes article recently that got a lot

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of exposure about like, holy cow, getting fired

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at these crazy rates. So here we are. So now

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we're in this shit show, right, from a corporate

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perspective of having Gen Z. And we got to figure

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out how to deal with it. So what are leaders

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getting wrong? And what do we need to do better

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to manage Gen Z and help them be successful?

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I think the first thing and When I think about

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like I've had this conversation with like my

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brand manager lots of times when we were coming

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up with my website of like, OK, how do we phrase

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this? Because we don't want it come off like

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that. We're just ragging on Gen Z all of the

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time. So I think that's the number one kind of

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flip that we need to do is that we're not like,

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God, like they're just so frustrating. I get

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that they're frustrating. I get that they're

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like you're like, why are they like this? But

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the thing is, because of the environments that

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they've been raised in, that's why they're like

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this. So they're under, so a lot of the time

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I use the language of like, they're under equipped.

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They don't have the skills. It doesn't mean that

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they're broken and that they're never gonna be

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able to develop those skills. It's just up to

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the leaders, which is annoying, but it's what

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has happened in our society. It's up to the leaders

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to start giving them the skills that they need

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to be successful, because they can be successful.

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We've had firsthand experience seeing how if

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we develop them and give them the skills that

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they need, how they can be rockstar employees.

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See, there's optimism here. I love that. There's

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opportunity for this to get better. So if someone's

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listening to this and they're like, okay, I have

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Gen Zs in my team. I want to help them. I want

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to support them. How do we even start? How do

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we go about that? Yeah. So the phrase that I

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always use with this kind of for to help leaders

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and managers of Gen Z employees is you want to

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set high expectations within high supports. You

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need to have both of those. So because they've

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been essentially coddled their whole lives, they

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still... They need to have those expectations.

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We don't want to like lower the bar for them.

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You want to set the bar high, but you also want

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to bring in the supports so that they can obtain

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or reach that, those expectations. So like these

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are the expectations that we have. And then,

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okay, like, and I do more evaluations with them.

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So I encourage like get rid of one year evaluations,

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go more towards like 12 week evaluations where

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you are listing out behavioral expectations.

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Not like very broad things like, we want you

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to sell. No, we want you to be making 10 sales

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calls every single day. So you want to be very

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specific, very concise, and you want to lead

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them with behavioral expectations. And you want

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to be having pretty constant, for at least 12

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weeks, you want to be having constant conversations

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with them about these expectations. And then

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by getting to know them, you're able to evaluate,

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okay, what are the skills that they don't have

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that they need for this position? And then, okay,

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who do we know? Who can we put them into contact

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with? What kind of courses can we buy for them

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so that they can come alongside? And then you're

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giving them the skills and the professional development

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that they need in order to meet those expectations.

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That makes sense. And I know a lot of the bad

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rap is around like... being lazy and disengaged

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and not being professional and showing up. So

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how do we address those things that are, I don't

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want to say they're soft skills, but like, you

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know, hitting call it big tensile calls, like

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that's very black and white, but how do you address

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that sort of like how people show up? Yeah, so

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I would say like showing up, it's like, okay,

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the very off the bat, like you want to establish

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what it looks like to show up on your team on

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a daily basis. I remember when I was in grad

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school, on the very first day that I showed up,

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my mentor handed me like a multiple, like a pretty

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thick document, and the very first line was,

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You will be working 60 hours a week. And that

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was spelled out. And these are the expectations.

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And I remember he sat down with me and he was

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like, these are the things that I expect from

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you. So sitting down, what is the dress code?

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Because they don't know how to dress. They think

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leggings are pants. And if you think leggings

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are pants, go ahead and come at me. I'm ready

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for it. But they think leggings are pants. So

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I think having dress code conversations. What

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are the hour expectations? expectations? Is there

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flexibility in that? And what does it mean to

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show up and really list that out? And you want

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to be having those conversations on day one.

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And then you also want to be, as soon as you

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see that they're not meeting an expectation,

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that's when you're going to come in and you're

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going to give them feedback immediately. Now

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be aware that if you give them feedback, they

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might take a mental health break that next day

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because a high percentage of them will take a

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mental health break but then that's another kind

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of conversation that you want to have with them

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of like hey you're okay you're there's nothing

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wrong with you it's just these are the expectations

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uh that makes sense and you know the other piece

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that i feel like goes along with that and i this

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is when I do fight with my own teenagers, is

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the entitlement piece, right? Like, I can come

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into work, I can work less than 40 hours, I need

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flexibility, I need mental health days, I should

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make $100 ,000 with no experience, whatever it

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is. They just have, again, stereotypically, have

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this very entitled opinion about how the world

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should go. I'm asking this from what my mom likes

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to do. How do you... How do you have those conversations

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when there is this entitlement that people are

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coming into from the workforce? Yeah, so I mean,

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I think that's the other big piece with the entitlement

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is that you want to be, you don't want to like

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come at them because everyone is telling them

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that they're entitled. You're entitled, you're

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entitled, you're entitled. And so as soon as

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they hear that word, they're probably going to

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tune you out. And so I would go at it from kind

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of digging, coming from it from a support side

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and really building that relationship with them

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of like, hey, I want you to succeed in this role.

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because this is what it means for you to succeed,

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and this is what it means for us to succeed,

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and it means what the business to succeed. And

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so having those conversations, because they are

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more purpose -oriented, they wanna know what

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they're doing is actually having an effect. And

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so talking to them about how their behaviors.

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what consequences their behaviors have on everyone

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else on the team. And then hopefully that kind

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of reduces the entitlement piece. That makes

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sense. So where are most leaders getting this

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wrong with with supporting? I must say handling.

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I'm going to say supporting. I think the big

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thing is that they're they're not They're not

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listening out the expectations and then they're

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just getting frustrated They're not giving the

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support and then they just they just throw up

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their hands and they're like this generation,

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we're not going to do anything, and then they

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end up firing them. Because I think it's like

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60 % of businesses have fired a Gen Z employee

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within months of hiring them for the reasons

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that we've already talked about. And here's the

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thing, I know Sherm has come out and has said

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that when you fire someone, it takes about like

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50 % of that person's salary. to replace that

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person when it comes to interviewing, onboarding,

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all of the things, and then developing that person.

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So if you're hiring an employee for $50 ,000

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and then you fire them within a few months, well,

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now you're costing your business $100 ,000 when

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what you can be doing is just giving them coaching.

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You could spend a few thousand dollars coaching

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them. And if you don't have time, reach out to

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people who, there's tons of people who specialize.

00:13:04.139 --> 00:13:08.019
in these specific skills that they need, give

00:13:08.019 --> 00:13:10.639
them some coaching or pay for their coaching

00:13:10.639 --> 00:13:14.580
and then you're developing them and then they're

00:13:14.580 --> 00:13:17.980
gonna stick around for much longer because they're

00:13:17.980 --> 00:13:20.500
bought in, they see that you care about them

00:13:20.500 --> 00:13:22.860
as an individual because you're giving them coaching

00:13:22.860 --> 00:13:26.419
and you want them to be successful. I love the

00:13:26.419 --> 00:13:28.740
coaching concept and you know I think a lot of

00:13:28.740 --> 00:13:31.039
times we think about coaching from like an executive

00:13:31.039 --> 00:13:33.200
level type of person having a business coach

00:13:33.200 --> 00:13:36.139
but that one -on -one conversation where somebody

00:13:36.139 --> 00:13:38.379
can help hold you accountable and yes we've all

00:13:38.379 --> 00:13:41.159
been to great keynotes presentations or workshops

00:13:41.159 --> 00:13:43.480
but you leave and it's you know, what percent

00:13:43.480 --> 00:13:45.399
of that information do you retain or you're not

00:13:45.399 --> 00:13:48.259
really taking it and being actionable. So having

00:13:48.259 --> 00:13:50.519
somebody who's coaching you and is holding you

00:13:50.519 --> 00:13:52.419
accountable and meeting monthly or whatever it

00:13:52.419 --> 00:13:55.220
is, I think that's a great way to make an impact.

00:13:55.240 --> 00:13:57.820
And I feel like enough of businesses aren't investing

00:13:57.820 --> 00:14:00.539
in that as much as they should. So I like that

00:14:00.539 --> 00:14:03.519
concept of that ongoing support and then alleviates

00:14:03.519 --> 00:14:06.480
it from the boss or the manager because again,

00:14:06.480 --> 00:14:09.210
they have 4 ,000 other things going on. And the

00:14:09.210 --> 00:14:11.129
other thing is it's like they're not necessarily

00:14:11.129 --> 00:14:14.769
an expert in what the Gen Z's need. Like what

00:14:14.769 --> 00:14:17.889
I'm talking about is like they need adaptability

00:14:17.889 --> 00:14:21.830
skills. They need skills that so whatever environment

00:14:21.830 --> 00:14:25.350
that they go into, they can thrive and they can

00:14:25.350 --> 00:14:28.899
excel and they can succeed. But like. most managers

00:14:28.899 --> 00:14:32.000
and leaders aren't experts in like, how do we

00:14:32.000 --> 00:14:35.519
make our youth more adaptable? So work smarter,

00:14:35.759 --> 00:14:38.740
not harder, and like hire, you know, delegate

00:14:38.740 --> 00:14:41.740
that out, hire that out and bring in those experts

00:14:41.740 --> 00:14:44.240
who are able to give them the skills that they

00:14:44.240 --> 00:14:47.039
need. Like if I like the reason there's a reason

00:14:47.039 --> 00:14:49.740
why I have a bookkeeper and a CPA, because I

00:14:49.740 --> 00:14:51.399
don't want to have to do anything that comes

00:14:51.399 --> 00:14:54.000
along with finances. So like, I'm not going to

00:14:54.000 --> 00:14:56.600
it's going to take me so much longer. And that's

00:14:56.600 --> 00:14:59.029
not a good use. of my time as we're to hire that

00:14:59.029 --> 00:15:01.889
out. So hire that, those coaching, that coaching

00:15:01.889 --> 00:15:05.750
skill out. No, that makes total sense. So if

00:15:05.750 --> 00:15:07.649
I'm a manager and I have this Gen Z employee

00:15:07.649 --> 00:15:10.330
having this challenge, I hire a coach, they're

00:15:10.330 --> 00:15:11.909
working with them for a couple of months. How

00:15:11.909 --> 00:15:15.960
much time is realistic to say I should. once

00:15:15.960 --> 00:15:18.279
you change and to, okay, I'm going to buckle

00:15:18.279 --> 00:15:20.519
down. This is going to work or like it's time

00:15:20.519 --> 00:15:22.659
to cut ties. Like how do you sort of just, and

00:15:22.659 --> 00:15:24.700
I know it's kind of vague depending on the situation,

00:15:24.700 --> 00:15:26.700
but how do we gauge that? Like where there's

00:15:26.700 --> 00:15:29.220
hope and where there's not. Yeah. I think the

00:15:29.220 --> 00:15:31.840
big thing is going back to that, those 12 week

00:15:31.840 --> 00:15:34.700
periods of time. I love those 12 week periods

00:15:34.700 --> 00:15:39.320
of time because the gen Z's are used to it because

00:15:39.320 --> 00:15:41.759
that's about how long a semester, like a college

00:15:41.759 --> 00:15:44.200
semester is. I mean, college semesters are like

00:15:44.200 --> 00:15:47.759
15, 16 weeks. weeks. But if you don't see a change

00:15:47.759 --> 00:15:50.299
in those behaviors that you're wanting to see

00:15:50.299 --> 00:15:52.820
in them, even though they have the coaching within

00:15:52.820 --> 00:15:56.240
12 weeks, well, then you should probably, you

00:15:56.240 --> 00:15:58.440
know, start to cut your losses at that point.

00:15:58.679 --> 00:16:01.080
Makes sense. Okay. So let's flip this a little

00:16:01.080 --> 00:16:03.100
bit where we talked about if you're the manager,

00:16:03.259 --> 00:16:06.460
here's how to handle this. You need help. So

00:16:06.460 --> 00:16:10.100
if you are someone's a Gen Z listening to this,

00:16:10.379 --> 00:16:12.440
what advice do you have for them? Because I'm

00:16:12.440 --> 00:16:14.860
sure the struggles being felt on their end too,

00:16:14.980 --> 00:16:16.559
right? Like they're probably feeling like they're

00:16:16.559 --> 00:16:18.320
constantly getting in trouble or not doing what's

00:16:18.320 --> 00:16:20.940
supposed to be done. Like how's a Gen Z employee

00:16:20.940 --> 00:16:24.080
starting off? Like how do I show up and handle

00:16:24.080 --> 00:16:27.470
this better? So I think the big thing is, oh,

00:16:27.470 --> 00:16:30.909
I deliver a keynote or a workshop on, it's called

00:16:30.909 --> 00:16:33.850
fireproofing your career. And so in it, I talk

00:16:33.850 --> 00:16:36.929
about the adaptability playbook and it's like,

00:16:36.929 --> 00:16:40.970
okay, so adversity. And so you need to be able

00:16:40.970 --> 00:16:45.289
to deal with adversity and you need to be dependable.

00:16:45.470 --> 00:16:49.350
So like a good team player and you need to, what

00:16:49.350 --> 00:16:53.590
else is there? There's teamwork and there's agencies.

00:16:53.889 --> 00:16:56.240
So like knowing that you are control of your

00:16:56.240 --> 00:16:58.580
life. And then the other one is pride. So this

00:16:58.580 --> 00:17:00.519
is probably my favorite one that I talk about

00:17:00.519 --> 00:17:03.080
because I talk about and like when I talk about

00:17:03.080 --> 00:17:05.980
it, I talk about you have to give a shit and

00:17:05.980 --> 00:17:10.079
like half of like being successful is simply

00:17:10.079 --> 00:17:17.779
just showing up, not high. Like. And my husband

00:17:17.779 --> 00:17:20.900
used to be a superintendent at a plant. And so

00:17:20.900 --> 00:17:24.420
he had like 90 employees. And they were struggling

00:17:24.420 --> 00:17:26.960
to find people during COVID. And he would look

00:17:26.960 --> 00:17:30.130
at me, he's like, Andrea. He's like, I just want

00:17:30.130 --> 00:17:34.049
someone who's going to show up and not be high.

00:17:34.690 --> 00:17:37.769
And so like the bar right now is really, really

00:17:37.769 --> 00:17:43.029
low. If you show up not high and you actually

00:17:43.029 --> 00:17:47.250
give a shit and want to learn and want to get

00:17:47.250 --> 00:17:51.210
better, you are going to climb through the ranks

00:17:51.210 --> 00:17:55.569
so fast compared to any other Gen Z employee

00:17:55.569 --> 00:17:58.559
around. Oh my gosh. That's so simple. I mean,

00:17:58.559 --> 00:18:02.019
it should be simple. It is simple. But that's

00:18:02.019 --> 00:18:07.039
a crazy thing. Show up, not high, do the opposite

00:18:07.039 --> 00:18:10.140
of all the reasons why Gen Z gets fired, do the

00:18:10.140 --> 00:18:12.900
opposite of that stuff, constantly be growing,

00:18:13.420 --> 00:18:17.220
learn, want to get improvement, want feedback,

00:18:17.559 --> 00:18:22.079
and you're going to do so well, so fast. Yeah.

00:18:22.919 --> 00:18:25.319
feedback, right? I mean, no matter where you

00:18:25.319 --> 00:18:26.920
are, you're going to get feedback in your career,

00:18:27.019 --> 00:18:27.980
you're going to get good feedback, you're going

00:18:27.980 --> 00:18:29.420
to get feedback that you got to get it together,

00:18:29.640 --> 00:18:32.960
whatever it is, and being able to take that feedback

00:18:32.960 --> 00:18:35.400
and do something different, right? Like that's,

00:18:35.460 --> 00:18:38.220
I think, one of the struggles is people get feedback,

00:18:38.420 --> 00:18:40.680
and then they shut down, or they're like, mental

00:18:40.680 --> 00:18:43.539
health day, or, you know, not knowing how to

00:18:43.539 --> 00:18:46.039
like, okay. I got that. I agree with this. I

00:18:46.039 --> 00:18:48.019
see what they're saying. And then do something

00:18:48.019 --> 00:18:50.579
different. Like don't keep doing the same thing.

00:18:51.660 --> 00:18:53.279
But you're just bashing your head against the

00:18:53.279 --> 00:18:55.880
wall at that point. Yeah. And it's funny because

00:18:55.880 --> 00:18:58.500
you wonder how much of it is just, I mean, ignorance

00:18:58.500 --> 00:19:01.279
in terms of that they don't know or then if someone

00:19:01.279 --> 00:19:04.200
tells you, can you make those changes? And I

00:19:04.200 --> 00:19:05.619
was mentioning to you before we started recording,

00:19:05.720 --> 00:19:08.119
I was at on a college campus a couple of weeks

00:19:08.119 --> 00:19:11.380
ago, and it was an evening event. I have no expectations

00:19:11.380 --> 00:19:14.200
to what these college kids come in and look like,

00:19:14.220 --> 00:19:16.880
right? I'm just talking, I'm talking about what

00:19:16.880 --> 00:19:19.240
tools they need in order to succeed after graduation.

00:19:19.920 --> 00:19:22.519
And it was fraternities and sororities, and you

00:19:22.519 --> 00:19:25.319
could pick out the different groups. Again, there

00:19:25.319 --> 00:19:27.900
was no professors involved, but somebody and

00:19:27.900 --> 00:19:30.319
some of those sororities were like, you better

00:19:30.319 --> 00:19:33.279
show up and look professional. So coming in,

00:19:33.359 --> 00:19:35.559
hey, jeans, sweater, that's professional to me

00:19:35.559 --> 00:19:39.880
in college. Coming in, showing that professionalism.

00:19:40.119 --> 00:19:42.119
There was a group and I literally went and talked

00:19:42.119 --> 00:19:44.119
to them. They all sat together. They were early.

00:19:44.220 --> 00:19:46.819
They sat in the very front and they were dressed

00:19:46.819 --> 00:19:49.039
appropriately. And then when they told them to

00:19:49.039 --> 00:19:50.759
network, they were the first ones to get up.

00:19:50.779 --> 00:19:53.400
And I'm like, what sorority are you in? Like,

00:19:53.579 --> 00:19:56.220
I literally called them out because they were

00:19:56.220 --> 00:19:58.240
impressive. And I'm like, so somebody within

00:19:58.240 --> 00:20:00.619
that, I guess it was the president of that sorority

00:20:00.619 --> 00:20:03.160
was like, hey, she's, I actually, this is one

00:20:03.160 --> 00:20:05.079
I worked with for the event. She was like, this

00:20:05.079 --> 00:20:05.940
is what we're going to do. This is how you're

00:20:05.940 --> 00:20:08.160
going to be. And guess what? They did. They were

00:20:08.160 --> 00:20:11.359
so blessed. So it was just interesting to see

00:20:11.359 --> 00:20:13.299
how that works. Like, okay, some of them are

00:20:13.299 --> 00:20:17.000
trainable. Listen, they are trainable and it's

00:20:17.000 --> 00:20:19.799
just like, but they have to know that I think

00:20:19.799 --> 00:20:22.259
the big thing is a lot of the time what I'm seeing

00:20:22.259 --> 00:20:25.039
is they don't, they don't, they don't have agency,

00:20:25.480 --> 00:20:27.599
which means is that the belief that you have

00:20:27.599 --> 00:20:31.180
control over your own life, you have control

00:20:31.180 --> 00:20:33.160
over your own attitudes and you have control

00:20:33.160 --> 00:20:36.259
over your own behaviors, your own actions. And

00:20:36.259 --> 00:20:39.119
so like, if you start to become an agent in your

00:20:39.119 --> 00:20:44.000
own life, you will do so well in life. especially

00:20:44.000 --> 00:20:46.920
now. No, that makes sense. The other interesting

00:20:46.920 --> 00:20:50.480
piece is I was talking about personal brand and

00:20:50.480 --> 00:20:53.319
building your image to this college group, and

00:20:53.319 --> 00:20:56.359
I brought up, hey, Gen Z doesn't have a great

00:20:56.359 --> 00:20:58.319
brand right now. Now, of course, like every other

00:20:58.319 --> 00:21:01.630
stereotype, it's not every single Gen Z. But

00:21:01.630 --> 00:21:04.549
if you're a Gen Z and you do have your act together

00:21:04.549 --> 00:21:07.029
and you're listening to this or you know you're

00:21:07.029 --> 00:21:09.970
getting a job, like how do you overcome those

00:21:09.970 --> 00:21:11.410
stereotypes when you roll in? People are like,

00:21:11.450 --> 00:21:13.569
oh great, here's another 23 year old who thinks

00:21:13.569 --> 00:21:15.490
they know it all. You know, do they have to sort

00:21:15.490 --> 00:21:18.490
of overcompensate for what they're bringing to

00:21:18.490 --> 00:21:21.799
the table? I don't think so. I think they just

00:21:21.799 --> 00:21:25.779
have to show up as their bad. Yeah, show up,

00:21:25.859 --> 00:21:29.759
not high and show up as their badass self and

00:21:29.759 --> 00:21:32.759
like they will get noticed. Like I always talk

00:21:32.759 --> 00:21:35.079
about like one of the things I was I was talking

00:21:35.079 --> 00:21:37.859
to high schoolers recently and I was like and

00:21:37.859 --> 00:21:39.740
I was giving that we were going through like

00:21:39.740 --> 00:21:42.000
different plays in the adaptability playbook.

00:21:42.440 --> 00:21:44.380
And one of the things that they were talking

00:21:44.380 --> 00:21:46.359
that I talked about was like pick up the trash

00:21:46.359 --> 00:21:49.950
and they're like what? And I was like, pick up

00:21:49.950 --> 00:21:52.410
the trash. And I'm like, what does this mean?

00:21:52.450 --> 00:21:54.609
And they're like, I don't know. And I was like,

00:21:54.809 --> 00:21:58.049
if you are walking around and you see, and you're

00:21:58.049 --> 00:22:01.190
at your place of employment, and you see a piece

00:22:01.190 --> 00:22:05.309
of trash, squat down, pick it up, and throw it

00:22:05.309 --> 00:22:10.240
away. And like just have that mentality of something

00:22:10.240 --> 00:22:14.059
is broke, go and figure out how to fix it or

00:22:14.059 --> 00:22:17.839
let someone know and you will have this mentality.

00:22:18.160 --> 00:22:20.819
Like you will get this reputation that you are

00:22:20.819 --> 00:22:24.519
awesome and that you are the person to go to

00:22:24.519 --> 00:22:30.119
instead of like, Oh my God, I hate Gen Z. Well,

00:22:30.319 --> 00:22:33.440
and that's so being proactive. And I think back

00:22:33.440 --> 00:22:35.720
to, I mean, still this way now, but early in

00:22:35.720 --> 00:22:38.380
my career, like waitressing, I was picking up

00:22:38.380 --> 00:22:40.400
trash and doing whatever and working at a amusement

00:22:40.400 --> 00:22:43.220
park. And I don't know if anyone ever told me

00:22:43.220 --> 00:22:45.559
to do that and that was just me, but it is funny

00:22:45.559 --> 00:22:48.880
to have to say for people like, okay, pay attention

00:22:48.880 --> 00:22:50.720
to what's going on around you and figure out

00:22:50.720 --> 00:22:53.000
how you can do so proactive versus like, don't

00:22:53.000 --> 00:22:55.140
do the minimum. And that's where I think people

00:22:55.140 --> 00:22:57.269
get themselves in trouble is it's just... doing

00:22:57.269 --> 00:22:59.470
the minimum and it's like, they're oblivious.

00:22:59.690 --> 00:23:02.049
And I don't know, are they distracted on their

00:23:02.049 --> 00:23:06.529
phones? Like what's the driver behind the obliviousness

00:23:06.529 --> 00:23:10.769
of them? I mean, again, I blame like the parents

00:23:10.769 --> 00:23:13.029
and I blame the schools that they're in because

00:23:13.029 --> 00:23:17.009
they've never gotten that piece of feedback or

00:23:17.009 --> 00:23:21.019
they've never gotten that tip of like, hey, put

00:23:21.019 --> 00:23:24.539
your phones away, put them in your pockets and

00:23:24.539 --> 00:23:28.859
look around you and be observant of and be self

00:23:28.859 --> 00:23:32.079
-aware of like how what you are doing in this

00:23:32.079 --> 00:23:35.039
environment is impacting other people. I think

00:23:35.039 --> 00:23:36.819
that's probably one of the biggest things that

00:23:36.819 --> 00:23:39.900
I actually don't talk a whole lot about is with

00:23:39.900 --> 00:23:43.339
the Gen Z is that they haven't really learned

00:23:43.339 --> 00:23:47.410
that their behaviors have. consequences. And

00:23:47.410 --> 00:23:51.569
so they don't know that like their own behaviors

00:23:51.569 --> 00:23:55.589
impact others. So if you're not showing up for

00:23:55.589 --> 00:23:58.410
work, because you're taking a mental health day,

00:23:58.869 --> 00:24:01.549
what impact does that have on the rest of the

00:24:01.549 --> 00:24:06.039
team and your coworkers because they've gentle

00:24:06.039 --> 00:24:09.660
parenting has tried to get rid of rewards and

00:24:09.660 --> 00:24:11.859
punishments of like, okay, we're not going to

00:24:11.859 --> 00:24:13.839
give them consequences and we're just going to

00:24:13.839 --> 00:24:15.680
let them do whatever it is that they feel like

00:24:15.680 --> 00:24:19.000
doing. Oh, that's super interesting. And how

00:24:19.000 --> 00:24:21.140
has technology played a role in all this? I mean,

00:24:21.160 --> 00:24:23.619
we always hear so much about our phones and the

00:24:23.619 --> 00:24:25.740
time, zoom scrolling and wasting and not being

00:24:25.740 --> 00:24:28.119
able to communicate in person. Like is, is technology

00:24:28.119 --> 00:24:30.220
any of this or is it really just the parents

00:24:30.220 --> 00:24:34.140
fault? No, I think technology is because It's

00:24:34.140 --> 00:24:37.000
so I always laugh working with Gen Z because

00:24:37.000 --> 00:24:39.460
they're like, I don't have any time. And I was

00:24:39.460 --> 00:24:42.819
like, bullshit, you don't have any time. I'm

00:24:42.819 --> 00:24:44.819
like, how many hours have you been scrolling

00:24:44.819 --> 00:24:47.059
on TikTok? And they're like seven. And I was

00:24:47.059 --> 00:24:50.460
like, exactly. You're scrolling seven hours in

00:24:50.460 --> 00:24:52.880
a day. What could you you could have freaking

00:24:52.880 --> 00:24:56.059
listened to an audio book in the amount of time

00:24:56.059 --> 00:24:58.640
that you are scrolling on social media like you

00:24:58.640 --> 00:25:04.470
could be learning valuable skills. instead of

00:25:04.470 --> 00:25:07.650
scrolling through TikTok or Instagram. Yeah,

00:25:09.490 --> 00:25:13.910
exactly. All of the rots, right? And so I think

00:25:13.910 --> 00:25:15.990
that's the thing, like technology, it's made

00:25:15.990 --> 00:25:21.700
it easier. for them to just go through the motions

00:25:21.700 --> 00:25:26.140
of scrolling right and not really paying attention

00:25:26.140 --> 00:25:30.680
and not noticing how long it's how much time

00:25:30.680 --> 00:25:33.140
it's costing them and they're just watching their

00:25:33.140 --> 00:25:36.019
life kind of they're not even watching it because

00:25:36.019 --> 00:25:38.240
watching someone else's life They're watching

00:25:38.240 --> 00:25:41.019
someone else's life and they're not living their

00:25:41.019 --> 00:25:44.039
own life I'm gonna do a post about this soon

00:25:44.039 --> 00:25:48.319
but the idea of like all of this New like twitch

00:25:48.319 --> 00:25:51.720
and like people watching other people play video

00:25:51.720 --> 00:25:56.009
games, which I think is so Weird like I remember

00:25:56.009 --> 00:25:58.650
like 10 years ago when a grad undergrad told

00:25:58.650 --> 00:26:01.029
me about this I was like that's weird and she's

00:26:01.029 --> 00:26:02.990
like no It's not any different than sports and

00:26:02.990 --> 00:26:06.269
I was like hold on now like it's so different

00:26:06.269 --> 00:26:08.849
from sports But I think like they're watching

00:26:08.849 --> 00:26:11.990
other people live lives instead of going out

00:26:11.990 --> 00:26:15.890
and living their own life Oh, that is so true.

00:26:15.970 --> 00:26:19.049
And again teenage girls and I get pissed because

00:26:19.049 --> 00:26:22.009
like they'll be sitting at the kitchen counter

00:26:22.009 --> 00:26:23.509
in the morning, eating breakfast, and they're

00:26:23.509 --> 00:26:26.490
both scrolling. They can't even take two seconds.

00:26:26.849 --> 00:26:30.549
They're eating and dropping cereal and fricking

00:26:30.549 --> 00:26:33.069
on their phone watching shit. And I get so mad.

00:26:33.230 --> 00:26:36.710
I'm like, you can't be present for five minutes.

00:26:37.829 --> 00:26:40.529
So clearly there's not gentle parenting in my

00:26:40.529 --> 00:26:42.329
house. That just proved that. But that's the

00:26:42.329 --> 00:26:43.950
part that it's like they're just never present.

00:26:44.769 --> 00:26:47.569
They're always occupied by their phone versus

00:26:47.569 --> 00:26:49.130
like, okay, let's focus on what's being on here.

00:26:49.190 --> 00:26:51.490
Maybe I'd realize I could. Well, maybe they wouldn't

00:26:51.490 --> 00:26:53.130
realize they could unload the dishwasher, but

00:26:53.130 --> 00:26:58.509
just being aware of what's happening and being

00:26:58.509 --> 00:27:00.569
proactive. And also, oh, by the way, like communicating

00:27:00.569 --> 00:27:02.150
person, you're both sitting there in your own

00:27:02.150 --> 00:27:04.369
little phone world. Like that drives me nuts.

00:27:04.990 --> 00:27:07.599
Yeah. And this is the environment that they've

00:27:07.599 --> 00:27:09.640
been raised in and their social skills. Like

00:27:09.640 --> 00:27:13.319
their ability to have spontaneous conversations

00:27:13.319 --> 00:27:17.640
is significantly decreased across the years.

00:27:18.500 --> 00:27:21.839
So they're like, why would I put... One of the

00:27:21.839 --> 00:27:23.380
challenges that I give a lot of college students

00:27:23.380 --> 00:27:26.279
is like, put your phone away and talk to a stranger.

00:27:26.640 --> 00:27:29.079
And they're like, I can't do that. And I was

00:27:29.079 --> 00:27:32.359
like, bullshit, you can't. See what happens.

00:27:32.720 --> 00:27:34.740
Whenever you're standing online somewhere, put

00:27:34.740 --> 00:27:37.220
your phone away. away and strike up a conversation

00:27:37.220 --> 00:27:38.799
with the person next to you. And they're like,

00:27:38.900 --> 00:27:41.279
oh, that sounds terrible. And I was like, no,

00:27:41.359 --> 00:27:43.619
that's awesome. Because you never know who you're

00:27:43.619 --> 00:27:46.319
going to meet. Oh, my God. I love that. And I've

00:27:46.319 --> 00:27:47.819
literally said that to my kids. I mean, put your

00:27:47.819 --> 00:27:49.519
freaking phone away and be present. What am I

00:27:49.519 --> 00:27:51.940
supposed to do? I'm like, talk to me. Be here.

00:27:52.240 --> 00:27:54.440
Talk to each other. Like, what the hell do you

00:27:54.440 --> 00:27:56.420
mean? What are you supposed to do? But again,

00:27:56.680 --> 00:27:58.720
that's the thought process, which is, and again.

00:27:58.890 --> 00:28:01.130
As adults, we're guilty of that at times too,

00:28:01.210 --> 00:28:03.230
the boredom of just, oh, here, I'm going to stop

00:28:03.230 --> 00:28:05.269
and pick up my phone. So we all need to get away

00:28:05.269 --> 00:28:07.369
from that. But I just think the impact from especially

00:28:07.369 --> 00:28:10.250
communication and relations standpoint is significant.

00:28:10.509 --> 00:28:14.410
So you can tell it pisses me off about my… So

00:28:14.410 --> 00:28:16.910
let's talk about parents. So we started off this

00:28:16.910 --> 00:28:19.690
conversation and clearly any issues with Gen

00:28:19.690 --> 00:28:22.029
Z are the parents' fault. So as a parent of a

00:28:22.029 --> 00:28:25.750
Gen Zer, what are we getting right and what…

00:28:25.529 --> 00:28:28.150
What do we need to do differently so we can stop

00:28:28.150 --> 00:28:31.289
the cycle of putting out these kids that are,

00:28:31.529 --> 00:28:33.730
I was going to say shit kids, the shit kids out

00:28:33.730 --> 00:28:37.670
in the world? Well, I think the big thing is,

00:28:37.930 --> 00:28:43.450
so what has happened is a lot of Gen Xers and

00:28:43.450 --> 00:28:47.069
millennials experienced militant parenting where

00:28:47.069 --> 00:28:50.990
it's like my way or the highway. If you're crying,

00:28:51.049 --> 00:28:53.609
you're like, I'll give you something to cry about.

00:28:54.880 --> 00:28:56.960
All of the Gen Xers and all of the Millennials

00:28:56.960 --> 00:28:58.460
were like, well, I'm not going to parent how

00:28:58.460 --> 00:29:01.279
I was parented. I'm never doing that. And so

00:29:01.279 --> 00:29:03.420
what happened was they swung completely to the

00:29:03.420 --> 00:29:06.220
other side to gentle parenting where they're

00:29:06.220 --> 00:29:08.099
like, we're going to validate all their emotions

00:29:08.099 --> 00:29:10.859
and their feelings and we're going to get rid

00:29:10.859 --> 00:29:12.960
of, you know, punishments and rewards and we're

00:29:12.960 --> 00:29:15.319
going to treat them as if they are equals and

00:29:15.319 --> 00:29:18.119
our friends. But what happened was they missed

00:29:18.119 --> 00:29:21.640
this whole beautiful middle ground called authoritative

00:29:21.640 --> 00:29:25.400
parenting, which is like high expectations within

00:29:25.400 --> 00:29:29.559
the context of the warm and fuzzies. And so I

00:29:29.559 --> 00:29:32.700
think what gentle parenting got right was bringing

00:29:32.700 --> 00:29:35.460
in more feelings. So yes, it is important to

00:29:35.460 --> 00:29:39.619
validate your child's feelings, but... It's also

00:29:39.619 --> 00:29:42.900
important to still make them do what it is that

00:29:42.900 --> 00:29:46.000
you're expecting them to do. So validate their

00:29:46.000 --> 00:29:49.380
emotions, but then also help them work through

00:29:49.380 --> 00:29:56.579
so that they can still behave in the way that

00:29:56.579 --> 00:29:59.500
they need to behave to meet expectations. Cool.

00:29:59.980 --> 00:30:03.160
I love that. And so as a parent, is there anything

00:30:03.160 --> 00:30:06.029
I should be more intentional about? building

00:30:06.029 --> 00:30:08.690
with them. I love that you're bringing in the

00:30:08.690 --> 00:30:11.309
emotions, but you're setting expectations. But

00:30:11.309 --> 00:30:12.809
is there anything else that I should make sure,

00:30:13.329 --> 00:30:16.549
again, 18 and 15 year old girls, that I'm supporting

00:30:16.549 --> 00:30:20.369
them with so they're productive? I think having

00:30:20.369 --> 00:30:23.029
conversations about what are your family values?

00:30:23.670 --> 00:30:28.670
What does the family hold dear? Really laying

00:30:28.670 --> 00:30:31.470
out what those expectations are. Do you want

00:30:31.470 --> 00:30:33.170
your children to be independent? Do you want

00:30:33.170 --> 00:30:35.470
your children to be academic? What are those

00:30:35.470 --> 00:30:38.490
values? What are those expectations? Kind of

00:30:38.490 --> 00:30:41.170
stick laying those out, let them know what they

00:30:41.170 --> 00:30:45.690
are, but then also course correcting it immediately

00:30:45.690 --> 00:30:48.210
when they're not, so you're giving consequences.

00:30:48.670 --> 00:30:51.170
Because like, for instance, this week, my seven

00:30:51.170 --> 00:30:53.250
year old decided that she was going to be a prankster,

00:30:53.670 --> 00:30:56.869
but she doesn't really know what pranking is.

00:30:57.349 --> 00:31:02.519
And so she dumped a whole like freaking, I don't

00:31:02.519 --> 00:31:06.519
even know, like a whole pitcher of water on her

00:31:06.519 --> 00:31:08.779
nine -year -old sister's bed. And she's like,

00:31:08.779 --> 00:31:11.440
how am I pranked? And my husband had to have

00:31:11.440 --> 00:31:13.539
the conversation because I was at work of like,

00:31:13.619 --> 00:31:16.220
no, no, this is not a prank. This is just mean.

00:31:16.480 --> 00:31:18.480
And so then I went to look at it later on the

00:31:18.480 --> 00:31:21.339
next day. I was like, hey, your consequence for

00:31:21.339 --> 00:31:23.359
this, like I get that you don't know the difference

00:31:23.359 --> 00:31:26.039
between, you know, pranking and mean, but you

00:31:26.039 --> 00:31:29.259
were still mean. I get that you didn't mean to

00:31:29.259 --> 00:31:31.549
be mean, but you were still mean. And so your

00:31:31.549 --> 00:31:34.309
consequence is going to be tonight when we are

00:31:34.309 --> 00:31:37.410
cleaning up, you have to help your sister clean

00:31:37.410 --> 00:31:40.509
her room in addition to cleaning your own room.

00:31:40.529 --> 00:31:43.730
And she's like, okay. And so like going in with

00:31:43.730 --> 00:31:46.430
those consequences and letting them know and

00:31:46.430 --> 00:31:48.890
having those conversations with them and really

00:31:48.890 --> 00:31:52.579
building a relationship with your kids. depending

00:31:52.579 --> 00:31:54.839
on what those values are again because my thing

00:31:54.839 --> 00:31:57.720
is it's like I want to still have a great relationship

00:31:57.720 --> 00:32:00.400
with my kids when they're having kids because

00:32:00.400 --> 00:32:03.500
I want to be taking care of their kids when they're

00:32:03.500 --> 00:32:05.880
having kids so that they can go out and build

00:32:05.880 --> 00:32:08.119
their careers. But in order to do that, you have

00:32:08.119 --> 00:32:11.259
to have relationships with them now. That makes

00:32:11.259 --> 00:32:13.819
sense. So that actually just made me think of

00:32:13.819 --> 00:32:17.059
this. So what is your prediction of what Gen

00:32:17.059 --> 00:32:21.509
Z will be like when they're parents? I hope Ugh,

00:32:21.630 --> 00:32:23.589
what's my prediction? Someone asked me about

00:32:23.589 --> 00:32:25.450
Gen Alpha the other day and I was like, ooh,

00:32:25.490 --> 00:32:26.769
I don't know what they're gonna be. I think they're

00:32:26.769 --> 00:32:30.549
gonna be better than Gen Z. But then Gen Z, I

00:32:30.549 --> 00:32:33.289
think if they're the ones that have not figured

00:32:33.289 --> 00:32:36.789
it out, I think they're just gonna continue to,

00:32:37.269 --> 00:32:39.369
they're gonna be the ones where their kids are

00:32:39.369 --> 00:32:42.529
going to have to parent them. And their kids

00:32:42.529 --> 00:32:45.910
are going to have to grow up a heck of a lot

00:32:45.910 --> 00:32:51.579
faster than, They then any will any child should

00:32:51.579 --> 00:32:54.160
and so I think we're actually going to have like

00:32:54.160 --> 00:32:57.140
the kids that Gen Z's are going to raise are

00:32:57.140 --> 00:33:02.880
going to be the They're going to be adaptable.

00:33:03.039 --> 00:33:04.259
They're going to be able they're going to be

00:33:04.259 --> 00:33:05.680
resourceful They're going to be able to figure

00:33:05.680 --> 00:33:09.180
it out, but I think at the end they're going

00:33:09.180 --> 00:33:12.440
to Burn themselves out because they don't know

00:33:12.440 --> 00:33:15.019
how to establish those boundaries because they've

00:33:15.019 --> 00:33:18.559
had to parent their parents for so long Oh, that's

00:33:18.559 --> 00:33:20.940
super interesting. Well, hopefully we can kind

00:33:20.940 --> 00:33:23.019
of like, I feel like the pendulum always swings,

00:33:23.019 --> 00:33:25.299
right? Like to your point about the Gen X and

00:33:25.299 --> 00:33:28.599
how we were parented to now. And it's like, just

00:33:28.599 --> 00:33:30.880
can we somewhere end in the middle here or like

00:33:30.880 --> 00:33:32.900
- Just go to authoritative parenting. I love

00:33:32.900 --> 00:33:35.579
it. And people are like, you should rebrand that.

00:33:35.599 --> 00:33:37.640
And I was like, it's just authoritative parenting.

00:33:37.740 --> 00:33:40.259
They're like, but it sounds so mean. I'm like,

00:33:40.259 --> 00:33:42.079
why? Because it has authority in it. And they're

00:33:42.079 --> 00:33:44.900
like, yes. And I'm like, being an authority figure

00:33:44.900 --> 00:33:48.960
is not - bad. No, it shouldn't be. And again,

00:33:49.099 --> 00:33:50.920
you're the parent, like we could have a whole

00:33:50.920 --> 00:33:53.359
other conversation about that. But you should

00:33:53.359 --> 00:33:56.059
be the authority because these dumb shits don't

00:33:56.059 --> 00:34:01.059
know what they're doing. Well, no, like there's

00:34:01.059 --> 00:34:05.710
a whole like there's a movement. of child -led

00:34:05.710 --> 00:34:10.809
parenting. And I was like, no, don't do it. That

00:34:10.809 --> 00:34:13.030
is up there with gentle parenting. That might

00:34:13.030 --> 00:34:15.050
actually be worse than gentle parenting, where

00:34:15.050 --> 00:34:18.090
you're going to let your kids, OK, three -year

00:34:18.090 --> 00:34:20.510
-old, what do you want to eat? Ice cream. OK,

00:34:20.510 --> 00:34:23.170
here's some ice cream for you. What kind of diet

00:34:23.170 --> 00:34:25.269
is that kid going to get? Oh, my goodness. Oh,

00:34:25.269 --> 00:34:27.150
we'd be broke, because all my kids would be doing

00:34:27.150 --> 00:34:31.190
is going out to eat and getting coffee and socializing.

00:34:31.289 --> 00:34:33.530
They wouldn't go to school. on a vacation all

00:34:33.530 --> 00:34:36.329
the time, maybe be one big party, be fun for

00:34:36.329 --> 00:34:40.610
a few minutes before you're poor. Broken, like

00:34:40.610 --> 00:34:45.429
75 pounds overweight. Exactly. Well, this is

00:34:45.429 --> 00:34:47.329
so awesome. We could talk about this all day.

00:34:47.550 --> 00:34:50.449
Any party words? We'll jump back to the managers,

00:34:50.630 --> 00:34:54.289
but just anything else for improving their environment

00:34:54.289 --> 00:34:58.289
and supporting Gen Z. think the big thing is

00:34:58.289 --> 00:35:00.130
like I know we've kind of talked about it before

00:35:00.130 --> 00:35:03.949
is like Reaching out and bringing in experts

00:35:03.949 --> 00:35:07.630
to help with them. Like you want it like workshops

00:35:07.630 --> 00:35:11.369
on professional development and personal development

00:35:11.369 --> 00:35:14.789
and just coaching because if you are bringing

00:35:14.789 --> 00:35:18.289
in experts It's going to make them better employees

00:35:18.289 --> 00:35:22.789
and it's going to make your life better and less

00:35:22.789 --> 00:35:25.809
stress because you're going to have adaptable

00:35:25.809 --> 00:35:28.489
employees. I love that. And if people want to

00:35:28.489 --> 00:35:30.690
find more information and connect with you, where

00:35:30.690 --> 00:35:34.369
can they do that? LinkedIn is probably the one

00:35:34.369 --> 00:35:37.329
that I'm on the most. I also have a YouTube channel

00:35:37.329 --> 00:35:43.130
and then my website is Andreadiematta .com. Love

00:35:43.130 --> 00:35:45.269
it. Thank you so much for being here. Thanks

00:35:45.269 --> 00:35:48.219
for having me. That was such an important conversation,

00:35:48.219 --> 00:35:50.880
and not just because I'm a mom of Gen Z -ers.

00:35:51.400 --> 00:35:53.840
But if Gen Z employees are getting hired and

00:35:53.840 --> 00:35:56.360
then fired at alarming rates, the answer can't

00:35:56.360 --> 00:35:59.019
just be, well, this generation's a problem. The

00:35:59.019 --> 00:36:01.079
better question is, what skills are missing?

00:36:01.280 --> 00:36:03.940
What expectations are unclear? And where are

00:36:03.940 --> 00:36:06.239
managers and parents accidentally making these

00:36:06.239 --> 00:36:09.599
things worse instead of better? Andrea's message

00:36:09.599 --> 00:36:12.119
is that support matters, but so do standards,

00:36:12.360 --> 00:36:15.599
resilience, communication, and personal responsibility.

00:36:15.960 --> 00:36:19.260
So whether you lead Gen Z, love a Gen Z -er or

00:36:19.260 --> 00:36:21.679
are raising one, this episode gives you a much

00:36:21.679 --> 00:36:24.880
better lens for what needs to change. If this

00:36:24.880 --> 00:36:26.679
conversation resonated, send it to a manager

00:36:26.679 --> 00:36:29.199
or parent who needs to hear it too. Thanks for

00:36:29.199 --> 00:36:31.260
listening to Loud and Lifted. See you next time.